A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my first relationship. This is my boyfriend's second serious relationship and he's hooked up with a few girls. He says he loves me more than anything and wants to marry me. I do love him but I don't know if I love him as much as he loves me.I often think of cheating on him. I've never acted on these thoughts. My boyfriend is very jealous so I rarely talk to guys.He's very supportive. We have a good sex life. But I just think about cheating a lot. Are these thoughts normal? How do I stop thinking about this? Talking to him about these thoughts is not an option.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Read about sex and relationships, a lot, and try to understand why you think about things and why you do and don't do things. Read a book about affairs, such as "After the Affair".
Actually, some people think about cheating constantly, and NEVER do because they are aware of their capability of doing it and that is the reason they don't. Really, this actually happens.
Others never think about cheating, can't even imagine themselves ever doing it, and fall into full blown affairs as well as episodic infidelity when the opportunity arises because they don't understand their own feelings. Really, this actually happens as well.
Understand yourself, and what you are capable of, then you can have healthier relationships.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): It just means you aren't ready for a committed relationship yet. It's normal. You need to break this off now and enjoy being single, because that's what you really want to do. If when you're taken you want to enjoy being single, you know something isn't right and you need to end it before you hurt him. You are still very young, and have plenty of time for monogamy. Back off so you can act on your impulses without guilt, learn your lessons and experience your life, and mature so that one day you will finally be able to settle and not worry about cheating.
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (4 September 2010):
if you cheat on him it will ruin him your better off breaking up with him n waiting at least 3 months so you dont hgrt his pride then be with someone else maybe after youve had other experiences you might decide that you do love n want to be with him n only him for the rest of your lives
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 September 2010):
 you need to decide what you want and what you're looking for. if it's your boyfriend you want, stay with him, if you want to act on being with other guys, cheating is not the answer, ending your relationship, then pursuing what you want would be. it's never okay to cheat. you either want him or you don't, but it's wrong to stay with him while being with someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Dear Pink Rose -
Greatest all-time DC typo. When you said
'it means that you are not ready to vomit to one person yet and you want to go out with other guys'
are we safe to assume you meant 'commit to one person'?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): First off, your boyfriend doesnt trust you if he gets jealous or doesn't allow you to talk to other guys. Trust is one of the most important things in a long lasting relationship, if you dont have it, your relationship wont last long. The fact that you don't talk to any other guys but him is probably feeding that thought. You can't help what you think about, but the fact that you think about it a lot, means that you might end up actually cheating. You should talk to him about trust, and if he doesn't accept the fact that you can and will talk to other guys then you should kick him to the curb. It wouldn't last long anyways.
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A
female
reader, PinkRose  +, writes (3 September 2010):
 They are normal but it means that you are not ready to vomit to one person yet and you want to go out with other guys and get all that stuff out of your system before you settle down. It may be you or it may just be that your boyfriend is not the right person. You need to end it with him for both your sakes, go out with your girlfriends and have some fun. when you meet the right person you will not have these thoughts and you too will think about marriage and settling down:)
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A
female
reader, tahlybear +, writes (3 September 2010):
i know how you feel! I have been in a relationship for 11 months... And i wanted to cheat once becuase i thought the relationship was too serious... And so i broke up n went with another guy... but it didnt work out (after like a week) and we got back together... I always have sex dreams about other guys that are like 10 years older than me, and about my school teachers sometimes.. I love him so much, but i just have that tendancy to let me eyes wander.... Tell him, and say that its not your fault but you want to see someone else for a little bit to see if ur boyfriend is really the one.
If you cry and start to feel horrible and feel like youve made thw wrong choice, then go back to him... Dont do what i did and try to make urself get over him cause it just hurts more...
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A
female
reader, spanishquerida  +, writes (3 September 2010):
Well it all depends on what you mean by "I often think of cheating on him". Do you mean that you fantasise about other men? Because that is completely healthy in a relationship. A lot of relationships can only work with fantasy... However, if you mean that you are thinking about cheating as in "I really want to cheat on him" then that's not so normal. Fantasy is common and nothing wrong with it. If you feel like you want to cheat on your boyfriend then maybe you could go to couples counselling or you could talk to him about it. Maybe you just aren't ready to settle down yet. I hope it all works out for you.
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