A
female
age
30-35,
*elissaT
writes:After forgiving my cheating bf who got me and another woman pregnant 5 yrs ago, i forgave him and we are now back together for the past year. i put up with him going to spend time with his son at the other woman's house of which sometime he sleeps there and say his son was sick. ugh! with all that now that we are woking i forgave him and he is very good me, respectful, loving, caring, and financilly good to me. Anyhow i got mischievous on Tuesday and started texting him on an anonymous number pretending to be a woman interested in him (my alias to him was rosy*), telling him I've seen him around and that i want to take him out for some drinks. i also sent a a sexy picture of a woman i found on the internet the kind of babe i know he likes. HONESTLY this was pure mischief because i genuinely thought he was going to send me packing in a second. The plan was to tell him " Thank you babe for loving me, this is a new phone number to a new smart phone i bought today". BUT... i was in no way ready for what was coming. He completely fell for it!!!!His response to my invitation was "sure". He asked me where i live and offered to go by my house that very night. he told me how sexy i was and how he would massage me and make love to me the way i want it. he even told me that he wants to have me exclusively. Of course i was the one suggesting all these things but he simply went along with it. i asked him for a photo of him so i can sleep with his face in mind and he sent me a photo via whats app. All this time i was shaking,he suggested going to meet her the said night. i couldn't believe he was willing to go to "rosy's" house which he would need to drive for 2 hrs. but i played him off because of course rosy didn't exist. he is a MD and him being out so late at night is nothing new to me so it would be anything but unusual for him to come home 4,5 in the morning.SOO?? the next day he had to leave town again to see patients and i offered to accompany him as we often do but he blew me off, saying he wanted to go alone because he has too much much and he wouldn't be able to take care of us.After he left home like 2 mins after i got a text on my other anonymous number asking me "rosy" to accompany him on his trip out of town. But again rosy found an excuse. Today is Saturday and rosy gets messages like "wake up sleepyhead", "hows your day honey?" etc. so i decided to stop responding and leave him hanging. But what should i do now that i know he has no intentions of stop cheating?Was i wrong to do this in the first place?do i confront him about it?I'm sad because when he is home all he is doing is starring at his phone waiting for "rosy" to answer his sweet messages.advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): Sweetheart, please bury Rosy; decide if you want to keep your man, or go. This is all unhealthy and not going anywhere good.
The trick was no better than the butt of the joke. Time to think of your child, get a real life, and dump the guy if you don't trust him so much.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2017):
 Honestly I think you will never trust him and you are staying with him because you are scared to be alone. Honey you need to stand up for yourself, don't allow him to treat you with such disrespect. He cheated on you years ago and sometimes stays over with that woman? Are you mad? Honestly you know you can't trust him, how will you ever truly be happy?
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A
female
reader, MelissaT +, writes (16 January 2017):
MelissaT is verified as being by the original poster of the question I got weary of watching him having the hots for a character i created and constantly blowing me off. So today i've decided to let Rosy text him something that will push him away, "Can you lend me some money and I work it off? my friend can join tiger, i know you will like that." of course i went in the bathroom and text him. He responded saying that he is not that kind of man and that he was looking for a "soulmate", not the s^^t he has had in the past". Whatever that means because he knows I'm no s^^t. He told rosy that she is "soooo" pretty and has much more than she realize. That he didn't even expect to share her with another woman in a threesome.He added that he has enough women throwing themselves at him and that he was not look for a sex de-stresser. Well after i came out the bathroom he was silent like he was thinking and dissappointed that rosy turned out to be a slut. Then suddenly he confessed to me and told me that some random woman offered him a three-some and wanted to f*** him. and the he refused because he loved me and our daughter. He said that there is not any woman out there that has the class that i have. he totally omit the part that was gonny f*** rosy and wanted a relationship with rosy had she not asked for money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): Ive got to admit i find it quite a comic scenario.
It looks like your joke backfired on him because you have time to evaluate him while he is waiting tor Rosie to text.
You might have to consider that he could become very violent if he found out because cheaters bind their ego up in being clever and secretive.
On this occassion you are far ahead of him.
Perhaps you could send Rosie abroad to look after her ailing mum and then cease texting him as her.
Better change the sim card tho and plan some getaway ventures so that you have time to think.
Your fella is living a lie so in a etrange way youve never really known him properly.
He really is not quite the catch you thought he was.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 Right, wrong who cares , thats moot honey. He is and will always be a cheat. Knowing what you know makes you his doormat if you choose to stay. Cut yourself loose from this sad little man. he deserves no less than to just leave without explaination
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 I can't see this as anything but a no win situation. If you go along and pretend like you don't know anything, you still have the doubts that he would cheat again. If you say something to him you pretty much have to confess that you didn't trust him so you set him up. If you felt the need to set him up then its apparent you never did really trust him again (and I can't blame you for that). This little set up pretty much just proved your suspicions.
If it was me, I'd leave him although to be honest, I never would have stayed with him after the first time he cheated. Relationships have nothing if there is no trust. Nothing else to be said, you didn't have it, and you certainly don't have it now. What is the point of wondering what to do? Its easy...LEAVE.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2017): WiseOwl, oh but yes there are heterosexual males you can control themselves and keep it in their pants when presented with a fantasy like scenario. Those men are the lucky ones who already have a fantasy girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2017): If you look for trouble you'll find it. You played on a weakness, and you've opened a can of worms. You used deception to create a trap, but who really got snared?
Rosy doesn't exist, so he was simply bated into your mean little trap. I think you went too far, and karma turned it all around on you. You got pleasure out of it. That's the sad part. Now you have a painful secret.
If you confess in order to confront him; you will look totally insane and monstrous for such an elaborate setup. You've sabotaged your own relationship and killed any little trust you've managed to rebuild. Don't forget; the whole scenario is based on an imaginary character.
Well, I guess you've got your karma. Your little plan has backfired, and you can't really confront him about his behavior; because you've went completely over the top. You've shot yourself in the foot in the process; or in the heart, to be more accurate.
I will give you my advise. It was a trick, and a cagey little setup. Rosy doesn't exist; so technically he didn't cheat...after-all, you're Rosy's alter-ego. He went for the bait; but if you used a fantasy set-up like you described, there may be few heterosexual males that could resist the temptation. What you'll never know is, would he have bailed out at the last minute?
Bury this bullsh*t. If you can't trust him, you never should have taken him back. Now you've evened the score with your cruel deceptive little prank, but you hurt yourself doing it. Own it, drop it, and focus on keeping your family intact.
You're going to need to ease your conscience. Tell him that you have premonitions of him cheating; and although you forgave him, you still feel insecure and suspicious. That will work his conscience a little.
Beg him to get into couple's therapy with you. You both need it. Heal your relationship; and keep your mouth shut about what you did.
Seriously decide if you really want to stay or go. If it's unraveling you mentally; perhaps you should both part your ways, and setup visitation and shared-custody arrangements to see his child. Of course child-support is part of that arrangement.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2017): I will not fault you for what you did. Obviously, you do not trust him and the trust you had in him has never been restored since he cheated on you the first time and got another woman pregnant.
I can't understand how you could have forgiven something like that. For most women it would have been game over. But now, I see that you never did forgive him. Sometimes our love for a man causes us to do stupid things. Like give them a second chance. Despite our own best judgment and our own intuition screaming at us.
It appears you have been battling your gut not only when he cheated but every single day since. You were likely battling yourself trying to convince yourself he is a good guy and made a mistake. And you have been trying to convince yourself that he has been attentive and good to you and that he has now changed his ways. You so desperately wanted to believe that and in fact probably tried to convince yourself of this every single day. But deep down in the darkness of your mind lived the demons. The demons who started to whisper and then scream that this man could not be trusted. This man was up to no good. And no matter how hard you tried, you just could not silence their voices. Day and night. They kept screaming at you and you could not shut them down. I suspect you have had many sleepless nights. This is very telling. And you were getting weary from the battle. It is one hell of a lot of anxiety and emotional stress to carry every day. That kind of worry eats you up from the inside out. And so this pain you have been feeling has pushed you to go to an extreme because you had to know the truth. Good OR bad. Because you could not keep living this way. Worried about his every move, his every word. Knowing in your heart he was lying to you. And that you were only soothing yourself to sleep. Soothing yourself to believe those lies so that you could have some peace of mind. But you knew that peace of mind continued to evade you. As long as those demons kept screaming inside your head at the top of their lungs, you would never have peace. And you needed it desperately. You had to find out. And so you invented Rosy. And Rosy served her purpose well. I think you knew he was going to like Rosy and want to play with her. You knew it but you had to KNOW. So, again I don't blame you. You did open a can of worms. But you were prepared for the outcome. You were on a mission. I suspect in a way it is a relief for you to know the truth. A relief because now you have the evidence you need. Now you know that you were right all along. That you were not crazy or paranoid. And now you know you can move on with your life. To find a man who will love you, be faithful to you and treat you with respect. Everything happens for a reason. This mistake of a man is only leading you to the right one. Someday when you are snuggling together with that man and feeling like the luckiest woman on earth, you will look back and say how you can't believe you ever fell for this dick or what you ever saw in him.
This dick by the way has one hell of an ego. He is arrogant and entitled. Likely because he thinks he is above everyone being a doctor. A God complex if you will. Yet ironically these people are the most insecure of all. To need to fuck other women constantly or flirt around to ascertain their masculinity and worth is weak and pathetic. So, be glad you are rid of this weakling.
Rosy did you one hell of a favour.
Kick his ass to the curb and never look back.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 January 2017):
 Well, this is what happens when people play games. It's like listening at keyholes and you hear someone talk about you... It may not BE the outcome you had expected or hoped for...
The GOOD thing about all this drama?
You now know that he is WILLING (more than willing) to drive 2 hours to sleep with a woman he doesn't even know and he is MORE than willing to cheat on you. (again).
So you have to decide DO I want to stay with a cheater? OR am I done with this.
If you are done, don't tell him about Rosy - just pack your stuff and move out and tell him it's over.
If you are NOT done... then you really only have one choice... SUCK IT UP Buttercup. You can tell him that you caught him with Rosy... and he will, WITHOUT doubt, put it back on your for having a "secret number" (maybe YOU are cheating - he could ask) or he KNEW by the way "Rosy" was typing that is was you texting as "Rosy". And he was JUST playing games with you.
And then what? You can't trust him. No matter WHAT excuse he comes up with about this "rosy" scenario. And YOU can't claim that you have forgiven him OR that you trust him at all...
Seems like a LOSE/LOSE for you unless you dump him, that might be a WIN as you will no longer have a cheating BF.
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 Surely you realise how insane this sounds? If you had to go to such lengths to catch him out then you really don't trust him and should just leave him. People in healthy relationships don't get alias phones and text pretending to be someone else and who agrees to meet a total stranger and says such things to them?
Regardless, his acceptance of this advance shows you he can't be trusted. Confront him or don't confront him (if you confront him be prepared to be accused of being a bit crazy and have him arguing that he knew it was you or wasn't doing anything etc. Not worth the argument if you ask me). Just leave him for your own mental health and find someone who doesn't make you want to act in this way.
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (14 January 2017):
 Yes, you were wrong to do it, but that's over - you need to leave him.
Ditch the number. Don't trick anyone, in future. Dump the guy. Live for yourself and your child.
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