A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently feeling physically ill for cheating on my boyfriend and I would love some advice on what to do. Me and this other guy did not sleep together just hung out for the day and made out a bit.I am feeling incredibly bad for him as I didn't really tell him I was taken and my current partner for obvious reasons. I don't know what to do and don't have anyone to talk to. I haven't been able to sleep and am feeling nausea constantly.Here is the background of my situation.I have been in a relationship for just over two years. This current relationship started soon after I found out I was cheated on my ex. My current boyfriend and I have a long history of friendship, a failed attempt of dating four a couple of months when we first met and heartbreak when I refused to take him back in between. My partner and I both suffer from anxiety and depression and can deal with it in very different ways that has in the past cause d problems in our relationship but we have always been able to eventually work through it becoming a stronger couple in the end. We are currently in a good place, recently overcoming a communication situation that in the past would have caused us huge strife, we got through it in less than a day by explaining how it are us feel. Both of us often have difficulties expressing ourselves so this was a big step for us as a couple.The problem is a lot of guys are interested in me. I know that sounds egotistical but it's true. I have troubles forming friendships with females due to past failed friendships that in hindsight I am better off not having them in my life. I connect better with males, usually single males though. Most guys don't want to talk to me or be my friend if I let them know I'm taken at first. I am very lonely for friendships as a result. This year after being socially isolated from my usual life physically by distance due to a family crisis for the last 12 months I have been putting in an effort to go out more and meet new people, (which is very challenging when I have aspergers). So im not telling my new guy friends im taken and by talking to them and being interested in their company in a way I am leading them on. Nothing has ever happens before until yesterday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): In this case I would NOT advocate telling him, IF and only if you can seriously resolve that this will be your first and last time crossing the line. My reasons for not telling is: 1) it was ONE slip on one occassion 2) It VERY luckily did not involve intercourse, only making out 3) Thus, telling him will only cause him great pain. He is likely to forgive you anyway, but will have to live with that knowledge. Instead, I think that you need to view this as a wake up call for you. You cannot keep leading men on to believe that you are not in a relationship when you are. I totally understand your loneliness and friendships with girls being hard. I have found the same. I think you need to find ways to be friends with males while being open that you are in fact committed to someone else. OR...perhaps the relationship has run its course as you are restless and wanting some excitement?It is for you to decide. You feeling guilty and sick is good, it shows that you have a conscience and you can learn from this experience. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2017):
 I think the best thing you can do is be honest to your boyfriend and also to the guy you made out with. It will only eat away at you if you don't.
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A
female
reader, Yucy  +, writes (16 January 2017):
 Dear Anonymous from Australia,
To be painfully honest, I do not get a sense that you and your bf have a good and strong relationship. From the beginning of 2 years back, both of you started this relationship on a rocky foundation. I’m sorry to hear that you were cheated on by your ex, however you did not seem to give yourself the required time to heal before moving on to the next relationship. Why?
You mentioned that your partner and you had some anxiety issues, but both of you have worked it out and now both of you are in a good place.
Do you really feel that way? Are you sure you are both in a good place? It seems contradictory because now you are feeling guilty over seeing another guy behind your bf’s back and you are feeling the mental and physical repercussions over your actions.
I do understand your cravings for friendships, loneliness sucks. But I also get the feeling that you are openly looking for attention from the wrong guys. You obviously knew those guys who were interested in you what they really want from you. They are not just looking for a simple friendship with you. And you led them on, with them thinking they would have a chance with you. I’m not sure if you realized the magnitude or seriousness of your actions. You are lucky that nothing happened with you and that guy. But you won’t be so lucky each time. It’s too late for regrets when you happened to attract a guy who pretends to be nice to you, and then later disrespects and uses force on you.
Let’s face it. You don’t love your bf at all. The only reason that you and him are together is because he is still your friend and he is there for you, probably the only guy that is still there for you. You do not love him, you are only afraid that you will lose this friend. Let’s be honest with each other, if you still treat your bf as a good friend, just admit your faults and move on. You are actually being kinder to your bf if you let him go. If you continue with this behavior, you will only be hurting your bf, that new guy and most of all, yourself.
Both relationships and friendships should not begin with lies and dishonesty. Do you really consider those guys as your friends? How many more guys do you plan to meet behind your bf’s back? How many more guys do you plan to lead on before someone finds out the truth? How many more lies do you plan to weave to cover your tracks?
Work out your anxieties, handle your depression issues, consult professional help if you need to. Love and learn to respect yourself more, only then will you be able to find a guy that truly loves you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): I know this might be hard but I honestly suggest that you be open and honest with your boyfriend. The news will probably hurt him, but it's the truth and it's important for him to be able to trust you and you should feel the same way about him. It also sounds like you guys have some communication troubles, so to start I think you should communicate with him and tell him exactly what you said here. I am the same way and have a hard time staying friends with females but when I encounter men that don't want to be friends with me because I'm taken I have come to realize that they are not the type of people I should want to be friends with. I know it's hard and scary sometimes to get out there and talk to some new people, but don't be afraid to go out and do things you like on your own and naturally the right people will come into your life. Sometimes I also feel friends-lonely, but you and I both need to realize that the best friend we could have is the one we're in a relationship with. Don't be afraid to talk about how you feel with your partner and if for some reason you feel like you can't talk to him maybe he's not the right person for you.
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