A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,Today I looked through my boyfriend's phone. I know it was wrong but I was just curious. Now hes terribly mad at me and won't speak to me. We live together and he is the love of my life. He put a lock on his phone and told me not to go through his things anymore. Of course I'm not going to but I just want him to stop being mad at me. How can I get his trust back? Anyone please help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): I think it is ridiculous that so many people think it is a relationship infraction to go through their partner's phone, their boyfriend or girlfriend's phone who they are in an exclusive relationship with. Of course it is the right thing to do to ask permission first, but if he was so concerned about this he should of told you he set that boundary to begin with.
Personally, I won't tolerate being treated like he treated you over the phone....he is hiding something or he is simply not that serious about you, you're not that special, a girlfriend he can count on for regular sex and affection, but he is going to keep his options open and one way to do thas is through all the digital forms of communication available these days. It's a world made for cheaters and a person who wants to protect their relationship from agressive outsiders and temptation is the "bad guy" now....more often than not. I still believe people who put more importance on their total privacy than their total transparancy to the person they claim to love is hiding something and is not genuinely committed to the relationship or it's future.
I have always said being a girlfriend is a bit of a trap for women because men don't commit to a woman until thy ask her to marry....he is simply dating you, and you see it as the two of you are on the same path to happily ever after.
He's strayed off that path. What you do is you don't follow him around in his confusion, you stop apologizing for looking at his phone and you set a boundary with him and ask him for what it is that you need in order to trust him completely because it is pretty clear you don't, and that is because your gut is telling you something your heart doesn't want to hear and your mind is slow to grasp.
You stop spending so much time with him, doing all the wok in the relationship, you leave your heart open to other men and you do things without him that fill you up and that you enjoy....and let him step up to the plate, if he doesn't, you are still taking care of you.
You've apologized, he owes you one now and he needs to stop locking his damn phone around you, you aren't a child and neither is he, honesty, openess and communication and negotiation. If he can't work out this issue with you, he isn't going to be able to work out other more important issues with you, because he simply is not into the relationship as much as you hoped he was, and that's on him, not you.
A
female
reader, Traycie +, writes (12 July 2010):
If he totally went off on you like that for looking through his phone then he has to be hiding something from you. There is just no way he would of gone off on you like if he wasnt up to something
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 July 2010):
 That's the problem with trust, it takes years to gain, and seconds to destroy. Good luck. Like everyone else said, it will take time.
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A
female
reader, icaaru  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Just checking on his phone he can ignore you that much?! wow. He's your bf anyway so what's wrong if you just want to see his phone?
Well, i know that even you two are committed there are still limitations. whew. Ok.
Just say sorry and open up things to him.
Don't let him take you for granted.
Sorry. I really don't get it why he'd ignore you like that for just a phone. Like i've said open up things, and talk what are the limitations.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 I think his reaction is way over the top. It's not the end of the world is it? Why is he so bothered, has he got something to hide?
What's your reason for having a peak in the first place, you must be suspicious on some level? He sounds like a control freak to me. Be careful xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 July 2010):
Why exactly did you search through his phone. Because that's the problem, not the fact that you searched through the phone. Before you can gain his trust back, you need to know why you did it. Understand yourself, then you can understand him and start to regain trust. And the trust needs to be rebuilt over time, by you letting him get over it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): I wonder why you went through his phone. Do you think he has something to hide? And did you find anything? If you were feeling insecure maybe you need to admit this in your apology.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): You have to give it time, you were in the wrong violating his privacy and that he won't be happy with you for ages is your punishment. Just let it lye is you only hope of a speedy recovery
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