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age
30-35,
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writes: Thanks for answering this, if it even gets posted! A few days ago whilst staying after school to talk to a teacher we got into a very deep conversation, he was telling me about his wife, we've always been closer than teacher and pupil as he helped me out a while ago. He told me him and his wife were "stuck in a rut" then we just sort of kissed, and one thing led to another. What am I supposed to do because I kissed back etc so I am just as responsible but now I don't know what to do. Should I get checked out? We didn't use protection because I'm on te pill and of course neither of is had contraception like condoms in school.If anyone could throw some light on what I should do, I don't want to tell anyone so if that's you're advice it will have to e a very strong argument!
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male
reader, badreldeen  +, writes (20 May 2011):
i think you should discuss it with someone older to give you the right thing to do according to the traditions and circumstances of the place where you are from
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Bingo
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
 School Girl Crush?
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
Ummmm... what's an "SGC"?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah okay, I'm not an scg or whatever my mind just keeps changing on the issue, for those who care I'd like to tell you I'm going to end it, I'm off to uni soon anyway and will get study leave so I won't have to see him again, thankyou cindycares etc.
Xx
I will always remember this advice!! Thankyou
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I'm with Eyes. Poster can't keep her story straight. A man in an "open relationship," yet is in a "rut". And then it went from doing it a few days ago to several more encounters since then. And then it went from "I don't know what to do" and "he feels so bad" to "I don't know why it's wrong if he's in an open relationship."
SGC, indeed!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 May 2010):
It's a SGC.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 May 2010):
I'm betting dimes to doughnuts that this never even happened.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): ah katy girl. naive at your best! you are too young and too guible to be involved with a married man with kids?? one day your blase nature will catch up with you. why not try swapping notes with his wife? see then how open his marriage is.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Katy,it is not exactly like that about the student who slept with the 25 y.o. teacher. 4 out of 5 answers said it was wrong and illegal. And the young teacher supposedly is single. There's a difference.
As for "open relationships " I thought they had gone out of fashion around the time Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda were riding their chppers - late 60's... since then, "I am in an open relationship " basically means " I am cheating ".
Anyway , perhaps you should try a little experiment ? Call him home and when she picks up the phone, tell her : "hallo, I am Katy, your husband's new sex partner ,is he at home ? " If she is cool with that,then your teacher told the truth. If all hell breaks loose...no, on second thought, it's better you don't try this experiment .
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Have you verified for yourself with his wife that he is in an open relationship? Because if he is, then she shouldn't mind knowing.
I sincerely doubt he is telling you the truth.
I have given my advice and it is up to you whether or not to take it. I think you are making a mistake, but it's not my life to lead, nor will it be my pieces to pick up when things fall apart.
Best wishes for a healthy and balanced future life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, it's happened a few more times... But I don't see why it's so bad if he is in an open relationship!? I just read a question about a girl who was sleeping with a 25 (or so) year old teacher and she was my age but people were telling her to go for it!!
Is it the age differences??
We haven't had sex in school again but we have out of school a few times
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): Katy, katy. katy - surely you don't believe this. this teacher has you eating out of his hands. are you still continuing your affair with your married teacher.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 First or last, I think he has prooven his ability to do this... and why should you believe him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLook okay, he HASN'T done this before, I'm the first one, and he regrets it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): When your teacher said that he had never had sex with a student before you and that this had been his first time he lied to you. HE LIED TO YOU. Do you want to protect other gullible and lonely students from your fate at the hands of an emotional con artist who is entrusted with young pupils-children?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): this is how i see it...if you feel youre doing something wrong its probably cause you are...and what you are feeling isnt love...maybe youve been lonely and we women tend to feel that if someones looks at us or smiles at us its because theyre interested but ive been there and trust me..those feelings bring nothing but troubles...you should get cheked, and forget things ever happened...if men forget so easy, why shouldnt you.. take care and next time think things trough..i know it aint easy but try it...
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (20 May 2010):
Have you never been in love before or had to get over someone before? Yes, there's a way. List up all the wrong things about this man, all the reasons not to be involved with him. Then use pure logic to convince yourself that he is bad for you (the obvious ones here is he is your teacher, he is married, he likes women too young for him, he is a cheater and a liar, he breaks the law and has no respect for his job etc). Then STOP TALKING TO HIM. And get busy doing other things.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
Why are you afraid of seeing someone who can actually help you?
To get over this feeling, you need to start to examine why you got to this point. What is going on in your life that you made this choice? What is your relationship with your father? Why do feel dependent on him? Why have you been so closed off emotionally to other people? Have you been raped or sexually assaulted by anyone else? Is the stress of school getting to you?
What void in you is this obsessive thinking feeding? What happened to you that you cannot manage your thought processes?
Why are you afraid of actually confronting the issue that created this situation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs there any way I can get over this feeling, it's just overwhelming... It's like I'm in love with him... I know I'm not, but i feel like I'm dependant on him now.
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female
reader, swordandredrose +, writes (20 May 2010):
people who cheat can never be trusted. I know it hurts and I know it is bitter but you really should forget about him. He cheated on his wife and he definitely will cheat on you one day.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2010):
I'm curious, what did you think would happen? Because I don't think you would have slept with him if you hadn't been thinking about it. I think you have built up a fantasy surrounding this guy, and now the cold hard brutal truth is that he is not for you.
By the way, "stuck in a rut" and "in an open relationship" aren't particularly congruent descriptions of what he has with his wife, and I'll wager he's lying through his teeth.
You've been had, by a clever emotional conman who has pushed the right buttons to get you to have sex with him.
Now he's terrified you'll report him.
You are living in a fantasy world and I'm afraid your emotional distress is caused by the incongruity of the situation and your desires. It's like a traumatic stress reaction. You so want to believe there's more there that you keep on making yourself vulnerable to him.
Please stop seeing him and talk to a counselor at the school. You don't have to tell the counselor who this guy is. You don't strike me as mentally strong enough to work through this without help, especially as your feelings keep interfering with your common sense.
Take better care of yourself, okay?
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 May 2010):
Avoid avoid avoid. You have an emotional connection with him mainly because you had a sexual connection with him. We women are wired that way. But you know yourself you must kill these feelings, they are only a product of his creation. He seduced you, flirted with you, had sex with you, and now he cried with you. He is a cheater, should loose his job over this, and you think you love him. Do you see what damage he has caused to you?
Forget about him. You are young and will undoubtly find TRUE love, not this twisted thing he has been feeding you with. I honestly think you should tell another teacher and get him busted for this. What he did was illegal, and even if he hasn't done it before, now that he's had a taste.. who knows when he'll do it next. Don't be naive to think you are the only girl he's ever laid his eyes on. His willingness to do this to you and his wife says a whole lot more about his abilities than his crying promises to never do it again.
You have grown emotionally from this, being able to now cry in front of others. But do not think he has done you any favours. Your ability to mature as a person and have an emotional connection with another human being is something you would have acchieved with or without him. You don't owe him anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am 18, I don't know his wife, we talked about it recently, he said he feels really bad aboutt it that him and his wife have an open relationship, but she doesn't know about me, yet.
That he only did it believeing I'm much mature etc than any other pupil he has ever taught, that he's sorry and if I want to take action I can, he cried and said he was sorry then I cried, this was after school by the way, then I told him I didn't want to take action, he has never done this before with a pupil and he never will again
the thing is, now I have really strong feelings for him, I haven't had an emotional connection where I could be so open and cry infrot of someone before.
Help would be apreciated!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): we are are adults here - so i will blatantly ask: what are your feeling about his wife, after all sleeping with a married teacher is not permitted to shcool. any guilt feelings. do you know her. how do you face her. are you concerned getting a reputation. having sex in school is forbidden for good reason. now you may think it is exciting but when you cross boundaries and mess up peoples marriages it is wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Well as some other person said, it was his responsibilty and took advandtage over you, but theres no way the teacher is going to tell, especially since your most likely under 18, which makes it illegal i believe. So as the others say get checked out, but this person being a teacher i dont think he'll have a disease. But to be on the safe side do.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 May 2010):
"What am I supposed to do because I kissed back etc so I am just as responsible "
No, you're not just as responsible. He is your teacher. He is responsible. He took advantage of you. Shut up about it if you dont want him to loose his job, or tell on him and get him fired, because he is not allowed to have any relationship with a student. Maybe you didn't read his work contract, but he did.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 May 2010):
Well, basically he's broken the law and used you. If that's not a good enough reason to let him know so he won't abuse another student, then nothing ever will be. And yes, get checked out just in case. You don't know if he's done this with other women.
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female
reader, swordandredrose +, writes (15 May 2010):
I am not sure about the laws in Ireland but in the United States it is absolutely illegal for a teacher and student to have romantic relationships. You should definitely stop having anything with him because it seems like you guys both have trouble controlling yourselves, no offence. Don't tell anyone about this except your parents because you will definitely get into trouble if you tell a friend or something. If you think that he wants to forget this just let it go. Don't take it any further. You both made a mistake and it is important that you both realize it. I am sure if he likes his job he wont talk about it anymore. So just let it go. Act as if nothing has happened between you guys and try not to hang out around him. Just let it go. However, if he tried to approach you again then you know that it's time for you to tell someone in a higher authority, like the principal or someone like that. Don't be stupid. Don't try to have a relationship with him because first, he is your teacher and second, he is married.
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female
reader, concerned2009 +, writes (15 May 2010):
 I would go ahead and get tested to make sure you didnt get anything, because most likely if has had sex with you to cheat on his wife, there has probably been others.
I would tell you to report him but that is your choice. What he did is very unethical. He would probably lose his job. If you were not 18 I would stress this option very hard.
Good Luck and God Bless.
I hope this helps.
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