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female
age
51-59,
*ricia
writes: Recently I accidently saw my boyfriend masturbating. I thought we had a healthy sex life. Why does he need to do this? Also I saw naked pictures of him on his phone what does all this mean
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female
reader, Tricia +, writes (29 January 2007):
Tricia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi and thanks to everyone who responded to my question posted on 10th Jan about naked pics of my boyfriend on his phone. Sat I asked him about it straight out and he admitted (eventually) that he sent them to an ex girlfriend whom he says he hasn't seen in over two years. I asked why what prompted that and he said she had sent him one of herself so he said he was just messing and it meant nothing. He says he loves me more than anything and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He also told me that she was a physco I said why then would you have anything to do with her. He has another phone too where I found her number saved under a different name. We split up, not sure if I have done the right thing or not. I am devestated. He also promised last Aug that he wouldn't text exes anymore and sent them all text telling them not to text him but of course he couldn't resist replying when they started texting him again. Sorry for the long question. What do I do?
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Yeah, I can see you're curiousity about his masturbation need, but it's probably not that he's not getting enough with you. He might just be overly horny, I know way too much about guys, and let me tell you, that's a definate possibility, but not the only! Not all guys are like that, but as far as I know, all guys have happy time. I've even been told it's so they won't get bored with the sex they love so much... because it wouldn't be the only way they got relief. I'd say, if you want closure simply ask him if he's happy with his sex life with you, and if you need to do something different or if he isn't just resorting to that for satisfaction. That is, if you really want to know.
The naked pictures bit... that's a tricky one. I don't see why he'd take nude pics... because if it was out of curiousity, why didn't he delete them afterward? There are numerous reasons for this odd little habit. He could just be sexually curious in a lot of aspects and wants to know what he looks like nude and just for some reason wanted to keep the pics. He could be posting them up online or sending them to other people. He could be showing them to friends. No one really know but him, do they? So in order to know, you're going to have to just ask him. Tell him you won't get mad about it, you just really need to know what he's doing it for, so you won't think of the worst reasons. Hopefully, it's just he's curious.... or maybe even self-absorbed?
Good luck, and I hope it's nothing to really worry about.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 January 2007):
 I think everyone is right on with the masturbation issue. However, I'm going to defend this guy with his pictures on the cell phone.
Now, it is a little weird. Yes. Granted. And even a little suspicious! Is he sending these pictures to someone? Maybe!
But, it could be out of sheer curiousity as to what he looks like. My boyfriend had a picture of his penis on his phone - and I was around while he took it. He said, "what does my penis look like on camera?", and *snap*. So maybe there's a perfectly decent (decent, but still weird) reason as to why he's got penis pictures.
However, it's still a little odd. You need to ask for an explanation. Just say, "uhh, sweetie? What's your penis doing on your phone?". Of course, he will counter you, perhaps with, "what were you doing looking through my phone?", which is a whole different issue. Then BOTH of you have trust issues with each other, which is something you really need to work out in order to have a fulfilling relationship.
Just a thought.
xxIndia
P.S. Maturbation is totally normal. That you don't have to worry about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): As Eddie said, his naked pics on his phone is odd. Either he a real issue with excessive vanity or he's sharing them with someone. As stated, if I were you, I'd be asking him why they are there. Don't confront-just ask directly and hopefully you'll an answer.
As for masturbation, there is nothing wrong with it. Your bf does it because he's a healthy male and he likes it. It's perfectly normal. Masturbation allows a healthy way to express and explore your sexuality and to release sexual tension. This private touching is a natural,normal mode of self-exploration and sexual expression. It is nothing to ever be ashamed of. Masturbation can help relieve stress and help insomnia (i.e. when a person is having trouble falling asleep). It stimulates the immune system to help build up resistance to common infections.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): i think masterbating has nothing to do with you at all, and its even better than catching him with another woman, judge for yourself. instead of worrying why dont ask him if u are so concerned? and the naked pictures wow what a weird personality, i think if u mix the two he might be idolising himself too much if not confused what do you think?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Masturbating has nothing to do with you. I've seen a few posts lately about women who "catch" their guys pleasing themselves. It's really a personal thing and the fact some people are hurt, offended, surprised etc really makes me wonder. Don't worry about it.
Worry about the naked pictures on the cell phone. I'd wonder why in the world someone need such a thing. It can't be for a good reason. That, I'd ask him about.
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat  +, writes (10 January 2007):
Well firstly, I wouldn't worry about him masturbating. Even within a healthy and regular sex-life, guys still masturbate to varying extents, and I'm sure women do too. As long as he's not at it hammer and tongs and your own sex-life together is suffering as a result, then don't concern yourself.
However, having naked pictures of himself on his phone would be a concern. I can't think of any reason anyone would have such pictures on their own phone, other than to be able to send them to someone else. And it's pretty obvious why they might want to do that.
What you do about it though, is extremely delicate and difficult. For a start, what are you doing looking within his phone? That's private in the same way a diary or a personal email account are private. It's always a danger when you steal a look into your partner's private life, you may not like what you find!
That's only one issue though. The fact is, you now know about it, so you can either ignore it or discuss it with him - but I would expect him to be very defensive and evasive about it and it could possibly lead to an argument. Of course it could be entirely innocent too, but I really do doubt it.
I'm sorry but from your brief posting, I don't know anywhere near enough about the two of you, or how long you've been together, or the current state of your relationship, or even how old your boyfriend is, to offer any advice on what you should do next. Perhaps nothing at this stage, but, without spying, be more attuned to his general behaviour and actions. However, you need to be careful - if you're keeping an eye on him out of a sense of suspicion, you can see furtive behaviour or suspicious activity where none really exists - simply because you're looking for it.
Bit tricky.
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (10 January 2007):
Well firstly, I wouldn't worry about him masturbating. Even within a healthy and regular sex-life, guys still masturbate to varying extents, and I'm sure women do too. As long as he's not at it hammer and tongs and your own sex-life together is suffering as a result, then don't concern yourself.
However, having naked pictures of himself on his phone would be a concern. I can't think of any reason anyone would have such pictures on their own phone, other than to be able to send them to someone else. And it's pretty obvious why they might want to do that.
What you do about it though, is extremely delicate and difficult. For a start, what are you doing looking within his phone? That's private in the same way a diary or a personal email account are private. It's always a danger when you steal a look into your partner's private life, you may not like what you find!
That's only one issue though. The fact is, you now know about it, so you can either ignore it or discuss it with him - but I would expect him to be very defensive and evasive about it and it could possibly lead to an argument. Of course it could be entirely innocent too, but I really do doubt it.
I'm sorry but from your brief posting, I don't know anywhere near enough about the two of you, or how long you've been together, or the current state of your relationship, or even how old your boyfriend is, to offer any advice on what you should do next. Perhaps nothing at this stage, but, without spying, be more attuned to his general behaviour and actions. However, you need to be careful - if you're keeping an eye on him out of a sense of suspicion, you can see furtive behaviour or suspicious activity where none really exists - simply because you're looking for it.
Bit tricky.
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