A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend use online art sites because we both love drawing and makings things and both of us have online galleries where we share our art with friends.I was looking through my boyfriends gallery and looked at a piece that was from 6 years ago. He had drawn it for somebody who he was in a previous relationship with. I know this was a long time ago. In my head I know that I should tell myself that what's in the past is in the past. I have no control over who he was with before I met him and I can't get him to change his past because that's unreasonable. But seeing this drawing hurts me.It's strange because one of my best friends, his girlfriend also has very old artwork from old relationships posted, and I wonder if my friend feels the same way about it as I do. Or if it doesn't bother him because it was ages ago. I wish it didn't bother me.How can I feel more secure about it? This was so long ago and I know he is loyal to me, but I wish I hadn't seen this picture.
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 He was what, 15, when he posted the artwork?
Seeing the drawing hurts you. If you didn't know the context of the drawing would it still hurt you?
Look at it as a piece of art, disconnected from him or anything to do with him.
Is there some reason you are struggling with trusting him, beyond his drawng from when he was 15?
Google 'retroactive jealousy" in women... this sounds like an irrational fear, no?
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 I'd like to say with maturity comes a certain amount of tolerance, but really that's just crap. Yes you do have to get over this since it was in the past, but your feelings are yours and you can't just program yourself not to feel certain things when they hit you between the eyes. I can totally relate. When I moved in with my boyfriend, I agreed to re-organize all his messy boxes of photos when he was out of town on business. I knew he'd been married twice before and had three children (grown by then) he also had a couple of different girlfriends after his last divorce. But seeing the photos was extremely painful. The logical part of my brain tried to explain to my silly romantic heart, that it would be natural to have photos of both ex-wives, during their 5-6 year marriages; pictures of family holidays, of their kids, their vacations, their first holiday meals, a few shots from the bedroom.....The girlfriends were no different. I came to the conclusion he was quite obsessed with his last girlfriend, since he took more photos of her than he did of all his others combined. It became an obsession to sit in the floor and look at yet another box of painful photos. I couldn't pull myself away and yet I was so emotionally upset inside. Thank God he was gone!! I went through a huge swing of rather irrational emotions and it literaly felt like he was cheating on me. So yes, the art work may bother you too, just try to stay quiet about it. You can't change the past. When my b/f came home from his trip, he found all his albums organized and neatly categorized by year. I never said a word about how hard the project had been for me. I just did it and acted like nothing. He seemed pleased but honestly he's never once cracked those albums opened and looked back on those chapters. Thank God, he might have realized some of the bedroom photos never made it into the photo albums...in fact a few of them found their way into the nearest trash can. Hang in the there! You're normal!
...............................
A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Maybe this item hurts you because he's not drawn anything for you?
So now you feel he cared more about his ex than yourself.
Why not ask him to draw you a picture if you feel insecure maybe it'll make your mind feel at ease if he draws you a picture that you like or that he feels represents you.
It could be the fact he hasn't done this yet for you or from what you've said you haven't mentioned that he has done.
Just ask him maybe he feels it's a good piece of art and doesn't see the meaning just the art, you'll always care about an ex because you had something with them doesn't mean there are feelings.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Whats there to be upset about? Really? Are you upset that he's cared about someone before he cared about you? I don't believe you are so selfish you can't accept that a man can have had feelings for someone else before you.
The thing that most likely bothers you is that the picture is still on display, as if he's still giving it to her, sort of. Maybe you see it as some form of ever lasting love declaration, just like it would be if he every Saturday sent her flowers, even though they broke up 6 years ago. Because the drawing was for her, and he's still got it on display, thereby continuing with some form of love declaration to her.
OR, you can twist this and make it more easy to accept: the guy obviously enjoys doing things for people he care about. He did that for her, and he'll do tons of things for you. If he was mean to all of his past girlfriend, and didn't do anything nice for them, then that should be a red flag really. Seeing proof of his romantic sides is a good thing, because it means he's romantic with you as well, or at least as a romantic strike in his personality.
Don't be jealous about what he did to former girlfriends, instead you should look forward to everything you and him will share together, and appreciate all of the nice things he does for you in the presence.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 September 2012):
 If it's artwork, I would assume that he just really likes the piece he did, and wants to show off his talents - not feelings for an old flame. I married and artist, and he still has plenty of paintings from times and women past. I don't mind - they're beautiful and I would just hate if he erased or destroyed a gorgeous piece of 1-of-a-kind art!
Unless it is a picture of her and says "I love (_her name_) forever and ever and will never stop loving her for the rest of my existence", I wouldn't be too bothered about it. He probably still has it up because it's a good piece that showcases his talents.
If you know he is loyal, and you are happy together, I wouldn't let a 6 year old piece bother you. Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (25 September 2012):
I suppose people can't delete artwork just because of the thing that inspired them to do it is no longer current. Otherwise there would be no art in the world at all really, except stuff that is being done this week!
It's a picture. That's all. Time has moved on and so has he.
Stay cool.
...............................
|
