A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is having a difficult time with work at the moment ~ he's stuck in a job that he really dislikes and he sometimes gets quite depressed over it. Basically his job is very repetitive and makes him feel unfulfilled ~ he's trying to break into a new area of work but it's difficult, and having to stay in his current job to keep money coming in is tough. I try to be as supportive as I can, but a lot of the time it makes me feel quite helpless because often I'm at a loss about what to do. He's making progress with making contacts and trying to learn the new skills he's going to need for the area of work he wants to get into, but a lot of the time it's as though he can't see how far he's come.I'm there for him and I know he appreciates it/he knows he can talk to me, but it does make me feel helpless sometimes. Especially when he gets upset and it'll be a few days until we see each other again (we don't live together). Or when he won't take me up on my offers of comfort. Of course I can't force him to talk because some people cope by not talking... but it makes me feel useless and unable to help.He doubts himself and can get very frustrated because he worries about failing/being stuck where he is forever. I wish he'd have more of a sense of worth (something he struggles with because of past events, which I understand) and that he could appreciate what's going well for him now, because then he'd be happier. I hate to see him sad ~ when he's upset I'm upset and it tends to throw me off.I reiterate how much I believe in him and I love him very much, but it feels as though I'm giving support and it's not getting through to him. I don't want to force it but I don't want to completely ignore his troubles either.How can I help him? Am I doing the right thing?
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female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (25 September 2012):
Mostly it's the thought of the pay cheque at the end that keeps people going. Many if not most people are unfulfilled at work and stuck in some kind of rut. Underacheiving is common and has to be lived with to a certain extent. There is a painful period in many people's lives when the gap between one's aspirations and reality has to be addressed. He is in that period and doing something positive about it, which is good.
It may help to have something nice to save towards, so that there is light at the end of his dark tunnel of struggle. Something to look forward to.
The bigger issue is that you are with a man who seems to need a lot of emotional support which you may find a strain as time goes on.
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