A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20 year old female that has been with a man for almost three years.In the past year we had made a family. I am so confused because i feel like he is losing interest in me and I feel like he don't love me. He's always telling me he needs space: like hang out by his self without me, Then he likes cutting me down like saying I'm stupid and all this. I really love this guy but two days ago was the first time he's ever hit me and left me a mark. What should I do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): The only thing that i can tel you is that he really doesn't love you if thats what he did for you.
A
male
reader, home_land  +, writes (1 April 2007):
 hello
we are living in 2007 we offer the caws music to have their milk we have factorys sending smok to the heart of the sky and we say that we are free and we know it all ,a human has no right to hit an animal ,so he has no right to do that and he has to kiss your feet and say 2007 times sorry.
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): Give him space, like he wants, and move on. Find a guy who won't be violent towards you and keep putting you down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): I never said stress is a good reason to hurt someone. It's like this - one of my closest friends of many years and through many experiences went through a worst times and experience with his work (he's in finance), went through bad times with his family (his entire relatives on his mom's side), went through a lot of stress and crap from the Chartered Accountants School of Business (CASB), went through a whole crap load of stress from various health elements in his life because of all that stress, on top of that, his common-law wife can be unreasonable, forgetful, and immature. Now with that said, in one moment of imploded frustration and stress, he did did something towards me that can be interpreted as unforgivable. Out of all my brothers, he was the closest to me, but under immense stress there is NO human on this entire planet who will never falter in their emotional and physical torment.
With that experience in place and out of the way, I never suggested that what her bf did was acceptable, but what I did say is try to understand it from a different perspective. To this day, I am hard on forgiving my friend and brother and don't think I can truly forgive him, but I understand what he went through, at least comprehend his stress levels.
Treating someone with respect doesn't mean that he can turn off his emotions. My friend and brother cried his eyes out after what he did previously to something I will not say here. No, it doesn't make it right, but it doesn't make him a bad man.
Indeed, he needs a break, and just like Ms. Anon 18-21 here with her bf, if he is indeed going through an immense measurement of stress and frustration, the thing she should do is definitely give him space.
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A
female
reader, Lia  +, writes (31 March 2007):
 He's calling you names, belittling you and hitting you? Why are you still with him?? Don't say it's because you love him because you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and loves you back - and this guy is not doing those things.
You said two days ago was the first time he hit you and it left a mark - so that means he has hit you before. This is not on! You have to get out of this relationship. It doesn't matter if a guy pushes, shoves or hits and it doesn't leave a mark - it's still an abusive relationship. Also, don't fool yourself into thinking it won't happen again because it's actually getting worse - now he's leaving marks on you. Next time he might leave you with scars. The time after that he might break a bone. The time after that he could kill you. With abuse, it starts off in a subtle manner and every time it happens, it becomes more and more painful.
As for the verbal abuse, that is just as painful as being hit. Seriously, you need to leave for your own good. You don't deserve to be treated like this or brain-washed into thinking that you are not worthy. Get a friend to be with you when you tell him it's over (you don't know how he will take it) and then leave. Don't believe the crap that he loves you - true love doesn't hurt or belittle. Please leave. Let us know how it goes, okay? All the very best.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): Hey, I know from experience a man can really wear you down calling you things and making you feel small. I don't care how stressed out he is he should be speaking to you talking these problems through. Thats why you are his partner. Don't let the kids go through this either. Sometimes you have to do whats best for them. I did I have been through the abuse. Don't stand for this!!!!!!! Does this mean every time he gets anxious or jealous or angry or insecure he will hit you. He belittles you because quite probobly he will envy you this was the case with me. Please I know it just gets worse. If you really can't leave him please seek profesional help for him and maybe relationship counselling for the two of you. Be adament he goes put your foot down and do something. Hope you take my advice one way or another I wish you and your kids all the best. x
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (31 March 2007):
 IS there something stressing him out? Has all this bickering just happened recently? How old is he? Does he belittle you (ie call you stupid) regularly? How many of a family do you have and how old are they?
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): AND before the women and sensitive men come here and demand you leave his ass for hitting you and telling you that these are first signs of an abuser, may I just counter those possible comments and say that it is HIGHLY possible that he is and have been going through a LOT of stress and pressure and that him hitting you was an act resulting from that stress and pressure. If he regrets it and this is the first time, well two things: 1) be compassionate of his stress and pressure, BUT 2) make sure you stand your ground and he better do a lot of make it up to you.
With that out of the way, if this was reversed and a woman hit a man and left a mark, and this was the first and possibly the only time, then most people would have suggested to you (as the man) to give her another chance and work things through, etc. So I don't like double standards this way - 'the oppressive man' concept.
Anyway, give him space. If you truly love that guy BUT are also internally mindful and strong about it, then I suggest you leave him to his own woes and worries. When he is realizes his mistake and/or his own problems, then he may confront you with them. If and when you feel that he no longer wishes to be in this relationship, then the only thing any outsider can tell you, is try to stay strong and move on, and fill your void up with stuffs. However, if all he needs is space and time, then give it to him. You can still care about him from that distance. Give him a text message once and night, to say good night to him, and say you're heart is with him, and end it like that.
Personally, if I told my gf I needed space and all she does is be there all the time, I couldn't imagine myself hitting her without bashing myself first, but the least I would wish her to do, is not be in my presence so much. I would like clarity and meditation to sort out my thoughts and emotions.
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A
female
reader, Beki +, writes (30 March 2007):
 Get out and get out now, you may not want to hear this but a guy that loves you would not want to hurt you in anyway. Now that he's done it once whats going to stop him doing it again or to your children. He should treat you with respect and love you, he obvisiously doesn't have either of them. I know you love him but move on you can do better.
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