A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I hope someone can help with my problemI am a married woman for many years and I have a massive infatuation on my male colleague.I can't remember how it started, but all of the body language is there from him, deep blushing when I look at him,casual touches on my arm, back, hand, etc, very dilated pupils and long stares. He positions himself in front of me constantly and follows me around all the time. The electricity is alsmost unbearable and I can't get him out of my head.This has been going on for a lot of months now.When I spoke to another male colleague once he was jealous and showed it by flirting with a young female coworker blatantly (watching me as he did it).I know I would have an affair with him if he asked as both our marriages are stale. I also know I sound bad when I admit it.My problem is, that the other female now has a thing for him as a result of his playful flirting, and it is hurting like hell. I thought it was making him feel uncomfortable until I actually saw him brushing arms with her slowly and deliberately right in front of me.Recently it has been too difficult for me to look him in the eyes as I feel as though others can see it. The chemistry is really that bad! I am devastated to think that he may have been using me for a feel good factor at work, but also worried that he may be feeling I don't care.We are both dumbstruck when we do have a chance to talk (we have been close to speaking about it)but as yet none of us dare speak, we can however have a normal conversation.I don't know what to say or do to bring it out in the open and I know he doesn't either.I am now actually feeling sick when I go to work and have the shakes.I love my job and am not in a postion to change it or have a transfer.If I knew for definite even though all the body language is there, that he would not reject me, I would be fine.Please advise me what to say and how to say it any advice would make me feel better than I do now.
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affair, at work, co-worker, flirt, jealous, married woman Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jkirk  +, writes (22 August 2010):
She didn't ask for the normal junk of "work on your marriage". I'm in the same situation only I'm the man, and we really only have three options.
1) Keep things the way they are and just enjoy your time together
2) Push it to the next level, the woman really does carry all the cards. Rub up next to him and see if he moves away, if not next time get a little closer. He will understand
3) Walk away from it. (impossible in my situation)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): I do not think this infatuation has any future.
so come to reality else you may loose every thing that you have by now in your life.
it is other thing to have flirts for a man and enjoy the women and i can tell you right away that it is completely different to divorce , get married loose kids, and then again be happy again with another man after killing 20 people's life ( your family, your DH's family, your lover family, kids at both side, and all that )
So my sincere advice will be to change job and you will save many problems in your life. you can never be happy otherwise.
rest is your choice. Do remember my advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): You question should say. Please help, how do I work on my marriage and forget about the guy at work that I have a crush on?
You say yourself that it is a infatuation , and that what it is, and you have built up the fantasy in your mind of how wonderful it would be.
Look at your marriage, what is wrong, that is making you look elsewhere? You say your marriage is stale well, then do something about it, it's not all down to your husband. You are going down a very dangerous road, there have been lots of women that have posted on here saying they cheated and lost everything and now regret it, think about it do you want to be one of those? Is it really worth it for a roll in the hay with this man?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 April 2010):
You really should either work on your marriage or get a divorce. Because if you did have an affair and it came out, it would ruin your career, and you'd end up looking seriously bad in front of everyone with a very bad reputation. Either work on your marriage, or get a divorce. But don't just have an affair.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 If you are thinking of a romance in the office, you must be prepared for the consequences.
If career is more important to you than love, then you should not ever venture into that territory.
For there is no MAN worth your career! Stop and evaluate all circumstances around you before taking that step!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 April 2010):
 There is nothing proper in what you're doing, while your husband is at home, and uninformed. You haven't committed adultery yet. If you wish to pursue this, that's your choice, but the ONLY fair way to proceed it you tell your husband your plans, and request the divorce. You're the one wanting the affair. SO it's up to you to be true with your husband, and tell him what's going. It's not okay to have an affair while married.
I have a very very simple philosophy I live by. "It's okay to do what you want to do, as long as what you do does not negatively affect another."
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