A
female
age
30-35,
*ervy
writes:ARGH!!Hi Aunts,Why is it (nearly?) impossible to have JUST a friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex!? I've been hanging out heaps with my best mate, playing video games and just chilling out, and just the other night he kissed me, which totally just was not what I was expecting. This has happened before, I become friends with someone, get along really well, and they take it the wrong way. Generally I prefer having guyfriends to girlfriends, but is there anyway which you can hang out, heaven forbid HUG, and just be friends with someone of the opposite sex without leading them on? I don't want my mate to hate me or anything, I had no idea I was leading him on - infact I'd been dropping hints about how I wasn't keen on getting into ANY relatioships. I've kind of just been ignoring the kiss, and we've been getting along fine, but I don't want him to be stuck fancying, and me only wanting friendship.Have I just had a bad run, or am I doomed to this for the rest of my life!!??mervy.
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female
reader, mervy +, writes (28 October 2009):
mervy is verified as being by the original poster of the question and thanks anon, you give me hope!!!
A
female
reader, mervy +, writes (27 October 2009):
mervy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys, even though some (ok lets be honest it was really just rosesarered, but i'm sure you thought it necessary to paint the entire male race the way you did) of the answers were a bit... erm blunt i suppose.
look at least i know he's not just interested in sleeping with me, the way he went about it was really sweet, and i agree with you elpigaro in the way that he is being honest. and janey y, you're spot on about getting involved in other relationships (most of my friends are guys - sammycake i totally agree that they're heaps easier to manage!), and yeah guy/girl friendships definitely end up taking a backseat in those situations.
so thanks guys, i'm gonna just ride this out and then hopefully put your ideas into action as i need.
mervy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): rosesarered, omg, could you not have been any more rude?!
hi mervy, i had this situation a while back! im best friends with 4 guys, we've been a group of 5 best friends now for abour 7 years.. nothing has ever happened between us, although i did like one of the guys for a while, but nothing serious and one of the guys did try to kiss me once, but i told him bluntly basicly that i wasnt interested..
i live on my own, they come round to mine nearly every single night, we get drunk, play games, have pizza, watch tv, sometimes just sit listenin to music and talkin... asif we were 5 girls.. or 5 guys.. so whilest some guys may get the wrong impression, it is possible to be friends with the opposite sex, so long as your blunt! :) good luck x
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Well, Mervy, from my observations of friendships between men and women, there usually seems to be sexual attraction on the part of at least one of the people, not always, but very often. Unfortunately, in that scenario, the one who's attracted usually misses the social cues which should tell them that there's no reciprocated sexual attraction, and that's when things get a bit confused and embarrassing. While you're concentrating on your next video game move, the other person's planning their move on you. Then, when you explain that they've misinterpreted your friendliness, they get huffy and accuse you of 'leading them on', and then they stop inviting you 'round to play video games.
In cases where opposite sex friendships are genuinely only friendships, they're great until one of the parties gets involved in a relationship with someone else, and then the friendship tends to cool off because most people don't really like it when their new boyfriend or new girlfriend has an opposite sex pal that they're really close to, and jealousy rears it's ugly head.
I have a couple guy friends who I've been hanging with for over 25 years, and whenever one of them gets a new woman in their life, I don't see too much of them until they're single again because no matter how friendly I am to those women, they just can't stand the thought of some other female knowing their boyfriend better than they do, unless she's his mother or his sister.
So, yeah, you may be doomed in that regard. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Look whilst I really disagree with his approach , rosessre red has a point albeit very crude.
See some guys just want sex, and they are easy to spot. Some guys want to get to kow you and then if they enjoy being around you then they will probably like you and heaven forbid want to kiss you. I applaud this guy for kissing you at least he is being honest. Its time for you to tell him you arent interested in that and maybe he will be okay and maybe he wont, but you have to be honest.
Not all guys who are your friend will want to have sex with you, but the majority of guys who hang out with a girl and enjoy her company will probably want to at least kiss you.
Thats the way it is. Im sorry .
I hope this helps,
Elpigaro
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A
female
reader, Sammycake  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 It is a tricky one - I must admit that guy friends are easier to manage than girl friends, but there's always the inevitable question of whether or not they're in it for fun, or for something more.
If your friend seems to be ok with just being friends, then fine, but what you must do first is discuss it with him. Leave no ambiguity else you'll find yourself in the same situation again.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (27 October 2009):
Unfortunately for you, yes, you are doomed to this for the rest of your life. Men cannot be simply friends with a female who they find attractive. Trust me, you're not that fun, you're not that interesting, the only reason they enjoy hanging out with you is because you have a vagina and you're probably hot. I have no clue what you look like, but I'd venture to guess that you're not 300 pounds and busted. If you were, they probably would never invite you to hang out with them in the first place. At the risk of sounding like a chauvinist, I will tell you 100% that if it weren't for your perky breasts and that beautiful warm thing between your legs, every single one of your guy friends would rather hang out with their other guy friends than you. Even though you may think you're awesome and that everything you have to say is really cool and funny, it's probably not. If you're a hot girl, you can talk about mother's mashed potatoes and your grandfather's childhood dog and a guy will act like he's interested.
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