A
male
 ,
*ecentguy1
writes:Hi,Okay, I need some true advice, from someone who is older..i'm 40, my ex is 27. We have been broken up for 8 mos. She doesn't call or write, except a text on X-mas. I don't write her either, or text, except for new years. However, she just started working next door to me. We are polite, and still a bit flirty, but she has someone. So, 2 questions i need serious help with!! We broke up in '05 for 3 mos. she needed space. (prior to this, she was head over heels for me, wanted to marry me etc..we had and have a chemistry). so, she see's this guy, and ends up dumping him and we get back together. we are back for 2 years, and then after some strain (it is hard for her to be open) we break up..i did it actually, though i didn't want to...now, she is working next to me, started a month ago, and we see each other almost 2x a week outside...we talk, it's nice etc...now, i found out she is back with this guy from '05...so question: If she dated him then, and wanted to get back with me so left him, why did she go back to him? if he was so special, why not stay with him? and why would he go back to her? is it a rebound? that leads to my next statement...she has a bag at my place with clothes and (seriously) some stuffed animals...(we had this silly play family i know..ugh) anyhow, i asked her if i'd bring it to work and she can take it...she was like, er ah well it's okay i can get it...i said well i was going to give lil lamb (one of the family lol) away to my nephew and she was like, NO!! you can't break up the family" ....lol...so, is she keeping it at my place after ALL this time as a way "back in" and is this guy her number one now?she complained when they dated in '05 he drank way too much...but he has a good job.....so, do i pursue her, is she interested? or what do i do? i love her still, and am torn...sorry so long, i apologize....please, we did have a wonderful amazing relationship...i feel she really is the one for me, but don't know how to get her back, or if she would let me back, and if so, how do i do it?thanks and god blesss
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): You have had quite a history with this female. But it sounds like this other guy has as well and I have to say...something about him has definitely captured her heart. Let's be blunt and straigh up with you. If she wanted to be in "your' life, she wouldn't be knocking on this other guy's door, would she? You're single-you're available and she knows that...right? So... why not you? Because she's 'more into him'. Stop living in this fantasy that she wants back with you...sit sounds like she 's just playing a game with your feelings and is keeping you hangin'. Some females like doing that and frankly, I find that a cruel, disrespectful thing to do. Get on with your life and recover. She wants to be with him...and for what reason? We don't know. Cut the ties and get over this. Give her the stuffed animals back and just smile and walk away with your pride intact. Work on getting over her. It's hard...but you need to be healthy and confident about the next wonderful, gorgeous woman who walks in your life! Make that your goal...it's just more realistic.
A
male
reader, Arkiteck +, writes (22 January 2008):
honestly, if it were me, i would just tell her straight up one day in private conversation with her.
"listen, I've been thinking alot about what we once had and starting over, and was wondering if there was any way you might have felt the same way?"
Leave it at that and let her answer. Regardless of her answer, LISTEN to what she says and respond to it in a calm professional matter. If the answer isn't positive, leave it at that. Say you'll still be friends or whatever and go on about it as if nothing happened. That's the hard part though, because you still have to talk to her, especially if you see her that often. Don't change the way you've been acting towards her now especially if it's on a friendly basis.
If the answer is positive, ask her how she would like to proceed. It may be hard since she has a man and everything now, but see where it goes.
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