A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been going out for eight months now and things have been a little shaky. i told him that i was keeping my virginity until marriage before we even went out and all this time i've kept it. the thing is every time i come over we are always doing something physical and it started to feel like that is what the relationship has been based on and i hate that feeling. every time we do something physical, he just wants to go to sleep or stop talking to me. the thing is every time we do something physical, is comes closer and closer to having sex and i really don't want that to happen because i am trying so hard to keep it until marriage and be a godly girl. he says that every relationship has to have some kind of intimacy between the two people and he says our relationship needs to be spiced up because he is getting bored and his interest if fading. so he says he wants me to wear thongs and other stuff to keep his interest. he also says that i say "i love u" too much and when u do that it defeats the meaning of the word. but i just think that he does not say it enough, so when he does say it i still get butterflies. i really don't know what i should do because my ex of five months left me because i was not giving it up and i don't want that to happen again because i really think i could make it with this one. is there anything guys like to do that wont be considered sex?? or what could i do to make things change?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Congratulations to you for waiting for sex until marriage. I am a 28 year old virgin myself. This guy is all wrong for you! It seems like he doesn't care about your values at all, he just wants to put you down and say you aren't good enough. Dump him and find someone else that will respect you and REALLY love you! I know it's hard for this to happen to you a second time, but once you find the right guy, it will all be worth it.
A
female
reader, Emj85  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 My brother waited 3 years before they had sex because she had the same values as you and my boyfriend said he would wait until my wedding night if thats what I wanted. DO NOT let anyone take it off you until YOU are ready, you 100% trust, love and respect the person and know they do the same. There are too many guys out there who will butter you up with compliments just to get you in bed.
Does he go out with you in public?
If yes does he hold your hand? Put his arm round you?
Have you met any of his friends/family?
How does he introduce you to people?
I was once going out with a guy, we never went out in public, he put me down, insulted me, asked me to have sex in the middle of a park and i never met his family or friends and he never even talked about anything but sex or complimented me once. Theres signs in a relationship to say they are just after sex and you need to make it clear it is not happening and if he doesnt want to accept that then he best leave now. If he does then he answers your question for you. I know you dont want to be alone but by leaving these guys are proving they dont want to wait for you. Sex is about showing the person whom you do it with that you love them, you want to share your body with them and perform the most intimate beautiful act of love 2 people can do. Show respect to yourself hun x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): if all he wants is sex and u want to wait and he doesnt than dump him. if he really cared for u he would be willing to wait forever it thats how long it takes u to be ready. also if he dont like u the way u are then tell him to fuck off cuz if u let him change even the littleist thing u might as well lie down and spread ur legs for him.
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A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (16 December 2009):
 I wonder what this relationship was based upon in the beginning? Because it seems as if you don't have enough in common for there to be anything but sex here.
He isn't interested in talking or spending time doing date like activities with you. You cannot have a successful relationship unless you are compatible.
A successful relationship is one where you have interesting things to share and talk about together and where the majority of the time you have together is spent doing non-sexual. Is this the case for your relationship?
There is nothing else sustaining your relationship right now except for these physical interactions you are having with your boyfriend. This isn't going to help you keep your goals and it's not going to help the relationship last.
Also, don't you question your boyfriend's respect for you? If he is encouraging you to do "risky" things that tempt you to have sex, that isn't being very respectful of your goal. In a healthy relationship, both people help and encourage one another to stick to their goals. They respect what their boy/girlfriend wants and help them achieve it.
Your boyfriend is acting as if he's only concerned with himself and his sexual desires. If he's not helping you, he's hurting you.
You need to talk to him about this and tell him that if you are going to be together things will need to change. You will have to stay strong and not spend any time engaging in sexual activities with him.
Making a goal to be a virgin isn't just about penis in vagina intercourse, it's about staying pure in all ways. It's about keeping your sexuality special/private for only one person. Oral sex is still sex and that is one less special thing that the person you marry will be able to have. Purity is not just about your vagina, but all of you. If that isn't something you feel you can do, you should reevaluate your goals.
If your boyfriend can't respect you or your goals, why are you with him? I know you love him, but having love alone doesn't mean a relationship will last.
There are a lot of men you could love in this world, but there are very few who might be right for you and who might have similar goals and enough respect to help you keep your goals. That is the kind of man you should be with.
Date cautiously and don't get emotionally attached until you really know someone is the right kind of person for you. Don't just fall into relationship where you kinda like/love someone and there isn't anything else to make the relationship strong.
To have a strong relationship you need to have many things in common and many goals in common (both present and future). You should also be able to communicate openly and honestly and work toward your mutual goals together.
I hope this helps you, it's not easy loving someone who doesn't love you the way you want them to. But you can absolutely find someone even better out there!
All the best,
Angellica Waters
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): "he wants me to wear thongs and other stuff to keep his interest" Red flag right there. Do you think things have gotten boring? Its only been 8 months! Clearly, he's not the man for you to spend the rest of your life with. He's bored already! Okay, so he was good for 8 months, but if he starts to loose interest now, it's not meant to be.
Or he can start making changed himself if he's that bored. I can tell you one thing: Ive NEVER been bored in my relationships. Sure mine ended too (after a year and a half or so), but not ever because I was bored. If it's boring, leave it. If a guy bores me there's no way I'd even become his girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, doom  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Well, let's say in every relationship is based on sacrifice.Each part should do something for the couple.I really happy that you have such principe about virginity,good for you, not everybody has the courage to do that. But on the other side try to put your self on your BF side, he understands you, but he is also human...he needs to have activities,or to be atracted to you.You are maybe 18-21 year old, so you practicaly a young women and he is a man...try to understand him and fight with your principes if you don't want a "dejavu" like your previous relationship))
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