A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So here it goes. I am a married man and have a beautiful loving and caring wife and six months old son too. She loves me a lot and usually we talk over phone for hours in the night before going to bed (Since from last three months I am out of town). more than three years has passed for our marriage and I never cheated on her. My job never allows me to settle at one place. My job keeps me roaming in all parts of my countries and this is the thing that decides my salary which is very good amount. After my marriage I decided to take my family wherever I go since it is borne by my organization. It all started six months back when She wished to spend some time in her native place as well as in my native place. Now this project started six months back and is supposed to finish after two months back. So I'll be heading to her after two months. Six months back when I came to this project, one day I called her sister, who is married and 7 years older than me. While talking to her I admired her beauty and her figure (indeed she has superb figure). She caught that line and started to chat me on the same topic again and again. within next fifteen days we became so close that we started discussing our sex life. now whenever we talked we discussed only sexual things and we felt arousal and wet pants. soon we confessed to each other to have a sex. four months back without telling anyone I took flight to her house and I stayed there for 4 hours and we had sex three times. now since past four months I have gone to her house for six times and all the time we had sex. We are also committed to only secret relationship and that this relation wont affect or change our love for our spouses. But still in the corner of my heart I feel like I am cheating to myself or my beautiful wife, without whom I cant live. We both sometime discuss to each other to stop all this and we agree also, but after 2 - 3 days we realize that we cant stop and we start again. We both have tried to stop all this so many times but we are unable to do. And we both love our spouses too much and they are our first priority. We both don't want to lose our family for just a pleasure of sex. And every time, even at every call we are making sure that we are not making any mistake of being caught.What shall I do ? Please help. We want to stop it, But very next day we want to start. Give me solution.
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affair, married man, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, silverlining  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 Congatulations when your wife finds out she will hate her sister forever well done, she now has no family to rely on!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): most men seek respect in every part of life. it is what they most desire. especially from their wife. and the lack of it makes them do stupid things. is it possible that your wife has acted in ways that felt disrespectful? probably. and now you are fulfilling this need with her sister who probably treats you very well.if i am right, you need to SHOW your wife that you love her and likely over time she will be more respectful.this is not a quick fix, it takes time. you should read "love and respect" by emerson eggerich if you feel this striking a chord in your life. (yes it's a christian book but i'm not christian and i still think it's a great book.)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 OP, the only one who is talking bullshit, excuse me but it's you.
You love so much your beautiful wife - that you are cheating on her with her own sister. Congratulations, that's an excellent proof of love !
And you don't want to have sex with your sister in law, oh no, you really really don't, and you only do it because she is pointing a gun at your head and says : " F**k me, or I'll shoot you ".
Oh- it's not like that ? She has no gun ?...
Then you CAN stop, you can stop any time you want . You just don't really want . As simple as that. It's all the rest that you add , which is bullshit : the drama, the passion, the mistery ... oh please. Are you a real ,adult man, or some fictional character in a bad Bollywood movie ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): You say you love your wife: Mr if you loved your wife and son you would not be having sex with her sister. What you are doing shows that you care nothing for her. If you did you would not be getting on a plane to have sex with her sister. And that is it. Your words mean nothing. It is empty. This so called love is just a mere word. You are going to hurt your wife and I hope she retaliates by doing the dirty with someone close to you.Your secret will be found out. Do you think your SIL's friends and. Neighbours don't know you, don't see you when you go to her house for sex? She is also married so don't you have any shame when you think about her husband? Dammit you got no morals , going into another mans home to have sex with his wife. If you are so in lust with your SIL, then give your wife to her husband. But selfish you won't do that, will you?Your boy is 6 months old: enjoy this little time with him because when your stink comes out, you won't be seeing him anymore. You only have yourself to blame for the destruction of your marriage.Do you think your SIL will keep her mouth shut. Hell No. She will also want to get even with you for using her for sex, so guess what? She will tell her family you came on to her, you pressurised her and her husband will be after you soon. Let's not forget your poor wife in all this. "Someone" will anonymously call your wife And rat you out. Is this what you want?Your SIL is jealous of your wife therefore she has done this.Also, there are many people from your part of the world here on Dear Cupid, what if one of them identifies you? Small world isn't it, and the internet has made it smaller.Mr. OP, your game is up. You do not stop because you do not want to stop. No one is forcing you to have sex outside your marriage, you and your SIL are doing this on your own and you both are enjoying the hurt you are sending to your so called loved ones. Tell her to read all the responses here. She too cares nothing for her sister. You WILL lose your wife and your son. You have already lost your honour and your decency. Both you and your SIL have committed the ultimate betrayal, your lies will catch up with you and you can kiss your wife and son goodbye.So you decide who will tell your wife first: You or that SIL, some anonymous friend, a family member, or someone who wants to bring you down.You say your wife is beautiful. I have news for you OP: other men will also find her beautiful. So since You are destroying her, they will want to love her and take care of her. I wish your wife divorces you very soon and I hope she finds a good decent man who will be faithful to her and her son. And trust me she will.As for you, you will end up with nothing and you only got yourself to blame.You can get angry with us but remember you caused this and you cannot stand the brutal honesty here.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 May 2011):
 hi
as this sounds like it is only about sex, just stay away from her and then it won't happen. seems too simplistic? avoid her don't contact her, don't respond to her if she continues to contact you and bit by bit your feelings for each other will dissolve. you might miss her at first but you would (i think) not feel as bad as you will if/when your lovely wife should find out and leave you taking your son with her and also causing a huge problem in your wife's family too.
this sex surely cannot be worth the risk?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): I don't know for how long have you been using this site. But you should know that we come here to get and recieve advices (not to enjoy the problems of the others). If you are posting a question "publicly" and expecting an advice on what to do, you can get either a positive or a negative one. You can't really think that only those who are of your kind will answere. And apparently no one is going to appreciate what you are doing. Everyone is trying to show you how wrong you are, so that you could change yourself. I don't think Tisha-1 or anyone else had an intension to insult you, they were trying to help. . .
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A
female
reader, littleBB +, writes (5 May 2011):
Wow!!! My ex slept with my sis:1) Why did you do that, down deep inside? Revenge towards your wife? 2) Be careful: you are going to be found out either by your wife or the sister in law is going to spill the beans out of guilt.These things always always get discovered. Don't fool yourself thinking you won't be found out.Cheating is bad enough, with all the women in the world why her sister? I dont mean to be offensive but it seems like you are looking for trouble.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Hope you didn't think anyone would say "Hey, wish I were you, go for it dude"
That would be really terrible advice wouldn't it?
Maybe your looking for penance, 3 hail Mary's and that would relieve your indiscretion until next time.
Well hate to break it to you, but the only relief you'll get is when you man up and stop this selfish affair.
You're doing these women and yourself a HUGE disservice.
You're are being selfish and immature about your choices.
You are no longer a good man. You are now the devil's jester.
Stop stop it now. The weight of this on your soul and conscience will one day swallow you up until everything is lost. Also remember blood runs thicker than water. MUCH THICKER..........
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 You don't want to cheat on your wife. But you call up your sister-in-law and go out o your way to see her to have sex. So you DO want to cheat on your wife? As I said, as you can't figure it out, you need some professional help in doing so. People control their urges and their desires every day for the good of their marriages and their relationships. You apparently are helpless in the hands of the passion that is causing you to cheat on the wife you say you love and don't want to cheat on.
If you think that a bullshit comment is going to deflect attention from the actions that you choose, that you actively choose to do, you really do need more help than we can offer here.
As I said, instead of calling your sister-in-law, reach deep down inside yourself, find the part of you that knows it's completely out-of-bounds and use that part to motivate your hand to press the digits to the counselor that will help you figure out why you are engaging in relationship-destroying behavior.
You asked for a solution. I have given you one. I did speculate on your reasons for actively engaging in an extramarital affair with your wife's sister. You didn't like any of them, but you didn't really spend any time thinking about them. I think there's an anger in there burning away, and it has chosen this way to play itself out. You're so in love with your wife that you sleep with her sister? Nah, that doesn't sound right. You're so conflicted in your feelings about your situation that you are looking, subconsciously, for ways to sabotage it. You are angry, again subconsciously, that the wife you love has elected to live far away from you and leaves you without any sexual relief. In order to pay her back, again this is the hidden inside part of you that you have not acknowledged even exists, to pay her back on a deep level, you have decided to sleep with her sister. That solves two problems for you, one is that you want the sexual release, and by doing it with her sister, secretly behind her back, that is the hidden revenge on your wife. Who I don't dispute is probably extremely lovely and loveable, just not really available for you to be with physically. Because she chose to be in her native land and not with you. Because she is busy with the new baby that probably has altered her figure and maybe she isn't as lovely and attentive as she once was?
But again, if you really wanted to end the affair, you would dial for help instead of posting the confession on the internet. I think you are getting a charge out of revealing your deepest secret. "Look at me, aren't I BAAAAADDD???? Woohoo!" Again, perhaps I am not of a kind with you. I have never cheated on my spouse and never will. How do I know this? Because I have some control over my behavior. I might be attracted to another man but I would never in a million years act on it.
You have a problem controlling your behavior, you need to seek professional help, if you don't wish to do it anymore. That's all I'm saying. You can have feelings or be attracted to your sister-in-law. You have stepped over the line not just once but many times and actually go out of your way to do it. Own your own actions and decisions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): When you are sneaking off to have sex with your wifes sister, I hope your beautiful wife is having sex with another man as well. Now won't that be something.
Tisha has given you excellent advice.
One day very soon you will have no wife, no children and no in laws and then only will you learn. You really should be ashamed of yourself and your Sister in law is nothing more than a slut. She is not worth losing your family but you will only learn when it is too late.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): I love Tisha-1's answer. She is so right. If you really wanted to stop than you would. Maybe your bored, but that's no excuse for banging your sisters wife. Get yourself some help man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): @Tisha-1Before giving any silly answers or bullshit posts, just go through problems. I never told that I dont like fatherhood or I am trapped in fatherhood. And I clearly stated that we both love our married life and even I told that I love my wife a lot and dont want to cheat her. this may be a fascinating story for you. Because a person watches the other person same as he or she is. So its clear that you are not of a kind. You come to this site to enjoy the problems and make fool of people and enjoy. Dont hurt peoples if you cant help them or cant understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): hello . can i just say i am a woman in the same sorta situtaion an its not good shit just hit the fan an its a mess . if i was you i get away from her stay with your wife an tell her its wrong because there is too much to lose i've lost all contact wit my fella s family an he wont talk to his brother an i didnt even sleep wit him i only asked him out . good luck with that , cause it s not going to end well they always end up telling the truth or worse you ll get cauhght
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A
female
reader, skoolof life +, writes (5 May 2011):
 This is a really bad situation made worse cos she is your sister in law.
You clearly know its just for sex but women easily become emotionally attached and thats where the big problems begin
Fly to see your wife NOT the sister in law.
Stop being so selfish because alot of people will get hurt and the whole family network torn apart.Is it really worth causing heartbreak for a grope and sordid sex? How can you say you love your wife then do this to her?
End it and mean it,or leave your wife.. but be aware the guilt will stay with you and it may still all come out in the future
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2011):
Do you really want help or are you just enjoying your confession of infidelity with your wife's sister? When people say things like: "we tried to stop but this thing is beyond our power to control" I roll my eyes. You are making a choice to cheat on your wife for a reason, and you do have control over your own actions. You are simply choosing to continue. I don't know, maybe you are bored in the marriage and are looking for ways to sabotage it to give yourself some thrill in your otherwise boring life. Maybe you married the wrong sister. Maybe fatherhood disagrees with you.
Get yourself into counseling if you want to help yourself and keep your marriage intact. Posting confessions on the internet is a pretty good way to be found out. Oh wait, maybe that's what this is about? You resent being trapped in the marriage and into fatherhood, so you have found a way to really hurt your wife by sleeping with her sister. Hm. All too much for an amateur to try to figure out. You will need professional help. Go get it.
Stop calling the sister and call the counselor instead. That will show you really are trying to stop.
Good luck with that.
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A
female
reader, Scarlettxx  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I really don't mean to be rude but you say that
'We are also committed to only secret relationship and that this relation wont affect or change our love for our spouses. But still in the corner of my heart I feel like I am cheating to myself or my beautiful wife...'
Well you are cheating, there's no if's or but's about that. Stop justifying it. There's no justification for this.
A lot of people nearly have moments of weakness, we're only human but it's whether you rise to them or not. You were obviously attracted to her sister and you let yourself go there, to have that moment of weakness which inevitably led to a lot more...
What you are both doing is not right at all. At the end of the day you will probably both be found out, even if you stop it now and your wife or her husband never finds out you will both always know about your betrayal.
Stop it now, don't hesitate about it because I've a feeling you're between minds about stopping it or continuing it. Your wife is at home looking after YOUR children thinking your working while you're having sex with HER sister while she cheats on HER husband. These things rarely ever end well & your only chance is stopping it now & growing up & stepping up to the plate.
You're both being extremely selfish so either get away from your sister in law very fast or keep on betraying your wife. It should be an easy decision if you love her like you say you do.
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