A
female
age
41-50,
*ookiemon77
writes:My fiance has been married twice before. He's a great guy and I love him to pieces. But, I feel sometimes that I kinda am getting what ever is left of him and his relationships. Maybe thats not such a bad thing, but in somethings it is because he does not have the same interest for things. Like Christmas for example. This is our first Christmas together and he just doesn't care about anything. I asked what was wrong and he said he just wasn't in to it anymore. That upsets me in some way because it makes me feel that I'm getting leftovers.How should I react to this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): It's called emotional baggage.He's played this game before and his innocence is gone.He needs a reason to believe this time will be different in a good way. Some never deal with the emotions and drag depression and repressed anxiety into the next relationship.That's why I would never date someone going through a divorce or freshly divorced.There is damage that takes time to sort out.Your right he has little emotional energy to put in your relationship.
Remember women are much more sentimental than men.He may not be interested in a boring Christmas ritual.Maybe promise some special toys :) so you will peak his interest.
A
female
reader, LostnNotinLove +, writes (8 December 2009):
Hi, I hope I can help at least a little...I am married to a man who was previosly married and it just so happens that I also noticed I was getting left over feeling... he left all the romance, sweet words, wonderful actions with his first marriage I noticed and thought I could fix it... my mistake was that ever told him I deserve better... now I dont love him anymore... I wish I would have said something sooner now its too late... speak up for yourself remember its your happiness.....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 December 2009):
My reaction is he's had two marriages before, and is now just running through the motions. If he's telling you he's not really bothered or into it all any more,then you need to talk to him quickly about whether he wants this to continue. And you need to think about it yourself too.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (8 December 2009):
 OK personally I feel that having gone back to your original question about your wedding and this new question, your fiance is detaching himself and maybe he is feeling history repeating itself and that is just not being honest with you.
I think you need to get this man to talk to you openly and honestly otherwise there could be another divorce on his hands.
You cannot go into marriage or a full on relationship having this kind of attitude, he shouldn't just be closing off and not being involved in anything to do with your lives together.
I am not on about girlie aspects of a wedding, I do think he is depressed by the sounds of things and some people suffer terribly this time of year with SAD sydrome and they find it hard to actually be upbeat about anything.
I do know someone who's partner just has no interest in christmas and used to go on holiday every christmas with his male friend because he suffers with bi-polar and whilst I am not suggesting that your fiance is bi-polar, I do think it would be worth thinking about having some couple counselling before you both make a committment to one another that may not be right for you both.
I have never been married but I have quite a few people around me who have and who have ended up divorcing and also remarrying. I was in a relationship with my ex for almost 20 years and he was NEVER interested in marriage because of the fact that his parents marriage failed and ended after almost 30 years so his views on marriage were somewhat jaded. My parents on the other hand went through their ups and downs and when my dad passed away in Feb 07 they had been married almost 55 years.
You cannot go forward unless you address the issues you have and whilst he may not want to talk about it all, I think you need to be honest and open with one another. His past marriages are just that (IN THE PAST) and he is making a new future with YOU.
No two relationships are ever the same.
Why did his past marriages fail btw? I just wonder if there is a clue in his past that may explain his mood right now.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 December 2009):
Sounds like he's just going through the motions. Marriage obviously doesn't mean life to him any more. Saying till death do us part for the 3rd time has to feel a bit hollow.
I think you need to seriously talk to him about the fact that this is new for you and he needs to think about how his attitude is affecting you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 December 2009):
 This is the same guy who isn't interested in the wedding? Well, hmm. What IS he excited about in your relationship? Is he depressed? Do you have fun with each other and go out on dates? How were his last marriages? Is this affecting your relationship, or is your issue really just about his lack of enthusiasm in regards to major holidays (your wedding, Christmas, etc.)?
Maybe he's not just a big event kind of guy. Maybe he's not into huge celebrations, maybe he's an introvert. If he's suddenly lost interest in all of this stuff, perhaps this is something to be concerned about. Maybe he's having doubts about your upcoming wedding, or maybe there's something that's bothering him.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-not-interested-in-our-wedding.html
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