A
male
age
41-50,
*ayJay101
writes:I just recently broke up with my ex fiance.We were together for 6 years, we broke up 6 months ago, but we kept talking for many months. I was trying to work things out, but she did not believe that i would ever change. Her reason for leaving was, she said, 'not trusting me and fighting issues.' I do admit that in the past i was very immature, and i do blame myself for making her think the way she does. When we first started going out, many years ago, she caught me talking to a girl online. A girl who i had never met, nor saw in person. Besides that i never cheated on her.I do admit i was wrong but i never would ever do anything like that, ever in my life. But after that she never trusted me and that led to the fighting because i wanted to go out with friends and she was not ok with that.After all that we recently stop talking because she wanted to stay friends with me, and keep talking as friends only. But i could not do that, as i love her so much, and she means the world to me.It is just so hard to be so close to her and not be with her. So instead i told her that we should not talk any more, because either she or I would never be able to move on that way. She agreed, and i have not talked to her in about 3 weeks.She talks to my sister and she told my sister that she is scared that if she gets back with me i'll turn into my immature self again. I know that will never happen again, because i'm not the same person she knew at the start.This break up has really open my eyes and made me grow up. And man up being here, alone, in a city with no family, i do believe everything happens for a reason. But it is sad.I saw this too late, after i lost her and also she told my sister if we were friends she would not be ok with the fact if i found another girlfriend.So that's why i decided to not keep talking to her, for the benefit of both of us.I love her and i want to be with her more than anything in this world. Now i'm so lost, but my question is: i was thinking about getting her a some flowers for valentine's day. Would that be a good idea? Should i say or do anything about that idea of sending her flowers for valentine's day?i hope to hear your suggestions thank you for reading my story
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female
reader, its ok  +, writes (26 January 2011):
I would send them,but just put a nice friendly message with them not anything that sounds like you are pressuring her to come back to you-if it were me Iwould think it was a very sweet gesture
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Talking to a girl online is not that big of a sin. I think she overreacted. I would send her flowers. That's the only way to know the answer quickly. If she says yes, then great! if she says no, then you should be happy either way because even if you got her back you would have to deal with her insecurity issues. Take the risk, and prepare for the worst, and prepare what you say. Basically just hand her the flowers and prepare to exit gracefully. The most important thing is that she knows you are still doing fine, still looking attractive. Just know that you didn't do anything to mess up. At least she would be grateful she got flowers. Who wouldn't appreciate flowers?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Send her the flowers.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Sorry, but I agree with the walkin dude. I can appreciate where you're coming from, but I don't think it's the best choice given the circumstances.
Flowers, or any gift for that matter, would likely have one extreme effect, either extremely good, or extremely bad. I don't think I'd risk it, but I also don't think couples should get back together after they split up.
The relationship had it's chance, unfortunately it didn't work. Time to focus your energy on grieving that loss and eventually moving on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): No harm in sending the flowers as long as you aren't doing so with the intention of them being a tool to get her back. If you can send some pretty ones (not red roses) without a 'demanding' or over passionate message - just something nice, with the intention of making her smile, then it can only stand in good stead should she later be considering resuming your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): In my opinion, i think the flowers would be a bad idea.
You say you have changed, are you really sure about that?
Whether you have or not she still doesn't trust you and once that's been broken it's very hard to get it back.
If you really want her back then i would wait until valentines day is over then maybe talk to her about how you feel.
The thing is though, she has told you she wanted to remain friends only, and if she turns you down it could make it even harder to move on.
Sometimes you just have to accept that things are over and it wasn't meant to be.
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (26 January 2011):
If I were you I wouldn't send her flowers. If I did I would feel like I expected something back and I don;t think she would ever send something back.
If you love her, let her come to you. In the mean time, trust your decision to stop talking. Maybe find a simpler, more "friend" way to wish her a happy valentine
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A
female
reader, axia002 +, writes (26 January 2011):
well the fact she's still in touch w your sister is a good sign
If she really wanted to cut you out 100% of her life I'm sure she'd have done so with your siblings as well
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