A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,In short I know a girl who I care for and think I love, the problem is she is beautiful and younger and does not want to settle for any one man. She has a string of open relationships where she is sexually intimate with a few people.She would be willing to add me to the group and have an open relationship with me. I like her so much, that I was considering it. But something inside me tells me it is demeaning. It is like being one of her sex slaves or something, like I do a lot for her and she just gives me some of her attention.Still, maybe a little is better than nothing at all.I know it is my decision, but I was wondering if you all had thoughts on this. If you really were head over heels with someone would you agree to an open relationship with them if that was all you could get? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I suggest you don't do it. I was in a 2 year long distance relaionship, I knew in my heart that he was sleeping with multiple women. I stayed in the relationship because I love the guy and he would some how make me feel it was ok. I lost my identy in the relationship, if your beliefs are to stick to the one you lov and not share your partner than don't do it. It is very painful. At the end you will feel used and resent that person but so be mad at your self for allowing that to happen. Walk away, you will save your self alot of pain.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I would advise against it. It takes a different mindset to really be able to enjoy and accept a woman like that, and if you do not have it you're only inviting trouble for yourself.
If you weren't in any danger of falling in love with her, my answer would have been different. Since you are, best save both of you pain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. Many different answers, but I think the answer i hear coming across the loudest is don't do it. And I am not gonna do it.
You all helped a lot.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (3 January 2011):
imho
if you are not commited to any one else
have fun with her untill you find a real relation
then cut up with her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): If you're willing to accept you will likely never be her one and only, then there is a lot of (physical) fun to be had. But in no way should you enter the relationship if your ultimate hope is for her to one day fall in love with you. You'll be setting yourself up for a big disappointment later on. I know firsthand......
best of luck
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A
male
reader, JohnnyXXX +, writes (3 January 2011):
I know the type. It's fun to think about, but in reality you're just setting yourself up for a fall. Some people were meant to swing, I'm not. It doesn't sound like you are either.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (3 January 2011):
I don't understand how sex with a beautiful young woman could possibly be demeaning to you. If you have any self-esteem, you should recognize that she's getting something out of the relationship as well. Something about you is so appealing that this beautiful young woman wants to have sex with you, even though she has no shortage of sex in her life.Furthermore, I would assume that as long as you don't get all emotionally wrapped up in her, getting some from her will elevate your testosterone and make you come across as a Big Swinging Dick, thereby attracting other women, some of whom will want an exclusive relationship, if that's what you want.Finally, if/when she decides that she wants an exclusive relationship with a man, do you think it's going to be with the one who tries to convince her to change her behavior and is all concerned about being demeaned, or the one who gives her what she wants, celebrates her sexuality, and goes out and gets some on the side for himself?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): I have personally gone thru the same situation and mine ended a few days ago very painfully. I expected my lover to treat me as a real girlfriend when it was just an open relationship, which soon made me lose my mind. He wouldn't call back for days after a nice dinner... He would act very cold to me sometimes too. I felt useless being in such a dishonest relationship but the truth is, I thought I found my last love.
However.. now that I think about it.. it was all a mistake. Open relationships never work out because one person always falls for the other.
If you are wise and not stupid like me, don't give yourself in to this open relationship. No doubt she's going to break your heart even if she doesn't do it purposely.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (3 January 2011):
 It is demeaning. Having a relationship that's not at all on your terms is going to hurt, and it's going to make her lose what little respect she has for you. There is absolutely no future with this chick.
More importantly, your feelings of hurt and betrayal are only going to get worse. Getting closer to her while she's seeing other guys is playing with fire. Every instinct you have is going to be screaming for you to kill the other guys - not saying you'll get murderous or anything, just saying that this goes against millions of years of evolution making guys very sensitive to the idea of sharing a woman.
The best thing to do would be to cut off all contact with her. It sounds like she doesn't have any traits worth being head over heels for, anyway. You can do much better. The feelings will go away eventually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): No. A little is worse than nothing.
Aunt Honesty couldn't have said it better. If you compromise your standard of a normal relationship, you will end up resentful of her. With her habits there is a more than likely chance that you'll catch something.
Who knows, she might end up respecting you more because you can say "no" to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): obviously,she does not feel the same way about you. Dont get so desperate to be with her cos you will only end up been used,dumped and more hurt. Try to keep the relationship platonic and affect her positively, she will come to apprecite and respect you for it later. All the best.
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A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Nope. I'm too afraid of crabs, the clap, syphillis and HIV. People with multiple sexual partners equals higher chance of STDs. Anyway, it wouldn't as meaningful...it'd just be sex.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (3 January 2011):
 No. I’m not going to fall "HEADS OVER HEELS' with someone who is careless with themselves. And having sex with several different people. You mentioned "She's not going to fall for just any man" BUT she will LAY for ANY huh? SMH... If you don't run from this situation as fast as you can! You better! While you still have your health, your heart and your mind! Love has been known to take those things away. Let me ask you something, are you willing to ask her to get tested for STD'S? She is High risk. I need to now speak to about something else you mentioned "A little is better than NOTHING!" Really? That’s sad that you feel you would have to stoop this low in order to be with somebody rather than have nobody. Where I come from and the road I’ve traveled, I too thought that. Love comes from other people you love & people loving you. REAL, TRUE, LOVE blossoms from you loving you. The more you love you the more people will love and respect you in return. While in the process of “LEARNING” to love one self, you’ll find people along the way who will embrace you and LOVE you “ONLY” until you can LOVE yourself! And trust me you won’t find it in her. She can’t love herself! People whom love themselves don’t go about finding “THE RIGHT MAN” by sleeping with several men at the same time. I sure hope I helped you.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (3 January 2011):
 You can, but you'll end up getting hurt, jealous and bitter if there are feelings involved. I'd try and find someone else :-)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 To be honest I dont think it is a good idea to get in to an open relationship with someone you have feelings for because you will only end up getting hurt. Plenty of people see it like its better getting some attention off her than none at all but believe me she will only be wanting you for sex and it will eventually hurt you, also you need to be careful you dont catch any STD's if she is openly sleeping around with other men.
She is not worth it, try and stop contact with her and get on with your life you will hopefully meet someone that is willing to give you more than this woman is.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (3 January 2011):
If you get any more involved than you already are the pain will only intensify. I emphatically advise you to focus on other women and ignore this one. You sound like someone with a solid set of values, while this girl is not. That's a basic incompatibility, it would never work out. Don't go down that road because it only leads to heartache.
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A
female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (3 January 2011):
 If you do be with her be very very very clear it is a sexual thing. So not get emotionally attached! It sounds as you already do care for her so it might not be a good idea.... oh yeah and remeber use a condom. STD's are no joke. Trust me im a nurse and I see it everyday.
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (3 January 2011):
I have done it before, till today, am still friends with the lady because we both in different relationships but still communicate as friends and dont sleep with each other when we involved with other people.
They key is to separate emotions from sex, just enjoy her time while shes with you knowing she could be screwing some else when you leave, if you can do that, then go for it, but if you like her too much that you want her for yourself, then dont, cos you ll be setting yourself up for a big disappointment.
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