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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello, i dont want any hurtful or rude comments, iam writing to everyone here because i think this is a site for evryone to write about their problems and feeling's. Well, iam seeing a married man. i have ben seeing him for 2 1/2 years now. i got with him in a time of pain, weakness ect...anyhow he had broken up with me because of the soon to come baby with his wife...and i was devastated...i dint call he dint either for about 2 months then he called and iam now back with him....i rather be with him than anyone else because other man have lied to me and hurt me and deceived me....he's truthfull to me, he tries to be sweet to me and he listens hes 15 yeras older than me and i love him....i really do...crazy huh...i dont expect him to leave his wife or baby...i dont want that i just want him to be with me., but lately iam feeling anxoius again iam not truly happy, i was hurt when i wasnt with him, but i survived but iam dragged in the same thing again and i dont like what iam feeling..iam sad, nervous...but @ the same time i want him with me...??????????????????????help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): I feel you because I'm in a relationship with a married man that's going through a separation with his wife, he is so good to me, we gel together so well and even though everyone says it's not right to be with a married person, I feel him to the 10th power. I see a future with him and I'm sorry but I'm gonna hang in there as long as I can while he's fighting this battle but lady's if you're dealing with a married man you are considered still a free and single women so you are not tied down or committed to that person unless you want to be so on those day's when you think your alone go out enjoy yourself sex does not have to be involved and technically your not by yourself cause trust me your on his mine majority of the time.
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female
reader, willystoy +, writes (28 January 2009):
Hello, I posted a reply on November 7 2008, and there were a few people that wanted to contact me, not sure how to get your Email, or how to give you mine. Help!! Would really like to talk to you! I am still in love with him, and he says that he is in love with me. After being apart for 4 months while he was home with his wife, he finally came to see me. We were together for about 2 hours, made love, and then he made up some excuse to go to the store, and went and called her! I felt so used and alone, but he stayed the night, and left the next day to go to another state to work. I know now that i have to say good bye,but am just not strong enough. He showed me that he loves her too. I know that she will always come first. I asked him if I were in a bad accident, and she was in a bad accident, who would he go to, he didnt answer, but I know the answer, he would go to her. He calls me all the time, and it used to make me feel so special, but now I know that he calls her just as much as me. I am a fool, especially knowing the truth, but cant seem to forget him. My self esteem is shot, I feel very ugly and alone. He just called me to tell me that he is missing me, I wonder who he called first, me or her. He is playing us both, she doesnt know about me, so she is innocent, I know the truth, so I am just a fool in love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the person who added the 2 last post, thank you for seeing the good in me iam not a bad person....thank you for being fair
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Anyway, to all the married people on this thread, more than likely if your man is seeing someone else, you all played the " I am going to marry him for security game" Let's face it, no one came blame anyone for anything that happens to them, God allows it to happen because of our free will. The chicks that see married men choose to do this as well as the men. Quit complaining and seek counseling. Not to tell you what you should or should not do, just to figure out why you do what you do, then make your decision based on your evidence. You wives, you know he is with someone else you just choose to ignore it, confront him immediately and either stay or go. YOU CAN ONLY BLAME YOURSELF ! YOU CAN ONLY CORRECT YOU.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): First, please don't be too hard on yourself. I can tell by reading your post that you are a sincere, good person. Regardless of what he may or may not be doing with the wife, you are feeling the worst possible kind of hurt. Holidays can be tough when he says "love" to you then buys his wife a diamond for Christmas or something. Do something good for yourself and nurture your spirit in a way he cannot -- you deserve it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): When will the pain go away.. well pain dosen't last forever, unless you stay in the knowledge that when he leaves you he goes home to his wife. That is true torture and that type of pain never ends..
It takes 40 days to change a bad habit
90 days to confirm a new habit
120 days for the new habit to become who you are
1,000 days for you to master the habit and become a different person altogether...
New Year is coming, by the end of next year, you will be well on your way to healing and putting this bad habit behind you.... Take one day at a time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I met someone online last year, and didnt know he was married until a girl I recommended to work for him told me. At that time, our relationship was more like a sibling thing, and we would occasionally flirt online but always behaved ourselves when we met up.
I was furious, of course, to find out that he was married. And didnt talk to him for a month or so. I told him not to contact me until I had cooled off. After I forgave him, we grew slightly closer to each other. We would laugh and joke and when we met up, he would pinch my cheek and mess up my hair. I couldnt help but miss him all the time. He never mentioned his wife or show me pictures of her until I told him that I kinda liked someone.
The last time we met up, things were going fine and we were still being playful and cheeky to each other. Well, I guess we crossed the line as a brother and sister relationship because we ended up at a quiet carpark making out. We were v awkward about it and agreed that there will be no 2nd time.
And only recently, I saw him upload a few pics of his wife, that really hurt me alot. I would feel very sad to see their pics and would cry to sleep. It was then I realised what my feelings were. All along, I thought the love for him I had were the sister's love for an older brother that cared about her. But I nvr realised that I had fallen in love with him.
I made the painful decision to cut off connections with him. And sent him an email explaining why. I dunno, part of me hoped he'll email or call back and ask me not to be silly. And part of me hoped that he wont bother replying. Well, he didnt reply.
I'm still hurting and I don't know when the pain will go away. =(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Hey, well im in the same position, i'm so in love with a married mad, that has 2 kids, one of which im friends with. The man i am so madly in love with is 21 years older than i am, call me crazy but if you only knew the man, you couldnt help not to love him. I know that he probably wont ever leave his wife, but to me it doesnt matter because when im with him, it seems like im the most important person in the world. But when reading all these stories it makes me think am i really going to waste my time? I dont know yet, only time will tell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor the last person who posted an answer....you have opened my eyes....i realize now that i have blinded myself all this time, thinking i was being good for not separating him from his family.....i never wish for him to leave his wife or the baby even thought i love him i would not be able to live with myself for that. He probaly does not even feel the same for me and frankly i'am just being selfsih and hardheaded. I want to love, i want that ridiculous love for one another and i being blinded thought that i might find that in him. stupid of me huh.....and yes i do believe there is someone out there as special and wonderful as i wish them o be for me with no strings attached ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): I am in a similar situation. I met a man at work and became friends with him. Slowly we became closer, I was fully aware of his marriage and 3 sons. In the beginning it was strictly casual conversation and then progressed into somewhat of an emotional affair. We would share everything.. Good and bad. He didn't bombard me with the typical "my marriage is horrible" speech that most men dish out for sympathy, and the ever famous " you poor man" that the women give in return. He was honest.. He told me that his wife was a good mother and a good wife as well. Ofcouse they had their isssues, but as a whole.. He was happy. After a few months of our budding friendship, we began to get closer.. Talking on the phone everyday, and going out a few times a week. Nothing pysical @ this point. Then one night for some reason we did the "lean in" like in the movies and kissed. It was the kind of kiss I dreamed about. The perfect moment. And nomatter how I hurt today.. That memory still warms me. After about 2 weeks of a PG13 afair..( no sex ) I realized what a great man he was, and how lucky his wife was to have him. I know that if I had such strong feelings for him in a short time, she must be crazy about him. And who am I to come between that. I realized that it wasn't fair to her or their children. I know that I have no obligation to her directly.. But as a woman, I felt that ending the affair before it progressed too far to turn back, I would be saving 4 people from heartbreak and dissapointment. It was without a doubt one of the hardest things I ever did. But I know that there is a man out there, just as special, that is unattatched.. And when I find him, I hope that my unselfishness will be rewarded.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): Leave this guy, and if you can't do that, read some of the stories from the ladies on this thread, it's a real eye opener and at least you won't feel so alone....
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html
You love him, you think he's the best man in the world, even though he's a liar and a cheat. He's sleeping with you, he's sleeping with her, he makes a baby with her. Please don't have a baby with him. He lies to all his family, but for some reason you think that he tells you the truth when he says he needs you and he loves you. Wait and see, if his wife ever finds out, then you'll see how little he loves you, because he will deny he's ever met you, and dump you as soon as he can. Sorry babes, but that's the truth. There is nothing you can do, except continue to suffer, because you refuse to leave this man, there is nothing we can say to take away the pain.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): My lover is 15 years older than me. He says he has no companionship anymore with his wife. It was only supposed to be for sex and companionship at first but now I find myself in love with him. What should I do? He makes all the time for me I ask. But I want more. He has been married for 37 yrs.1 grandchild lives with them. Should I ask him to leave his wife?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): I have a newly born baby myself.I shudder to think What would happen if my husband got caught on to a situation like this.As the poster rightly said this is a site where people can talk about their feelings.I am talking about my feelings too.If You find it hurtful or rude I can't help it.I am not going to apologize either.If you do shoplifting you are penalized.If you steal from a home you are penalized.I don't understand how come there are no laws to penalize women who steal other people's husbands.
I would never take the other woman's side.I am a wife.I would go to any lengths to make my marriage survive.I love him so much,I can forgive him almost anything.For all the wives who are reading this,your husband is not the only one to blame.When a guy is handsome,successful,is gracious and elegant other women are bound to come after him.
Your husband may really love you.It would have been a moment of weakness or pain.When he is in love with you,he might feel so guilty that he might want to go away.Give him at least one chance.Show to that other woman that you are not going to let her win.Draw up rules.Bring him in line.If you are intelligent,you can accomplish anything in life.Make sure you have an equal share in the properties or anything you buy.In the end,even if he leaves you for her,Make sure he goes to her as a penniless beggar.Let's see how much their love holds on.It may or may not.At least the lives of your children are secure.
If a sparrow builds a nest anywhere in the house we are not supposed to disrupt it in India.Its considered a sin.If people give so much respect to the sparrow's nest how much respect should we be giving to another woman's nest.She would have built her nest with the same loving care right.
If a married man tempts you or you get tempted by a married man take a step back.Envision his wife who would be eagerly waiting for her husband.Envision their kids who will eagerly be waiting for their dads.I agree men are equally to blame.But as women,shouldn't we be more considerate to that poor wife?
Next time a married man shows interest in you,tell him his wife must be looking else where as well.See the change in his face.He would want his wife to be pure.
For all the women who are currently having an affair with a married man,"If he can cheat on her,he will definitely cheat on you".Its just a matter of time before he loses interest in your body.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 December 2008):
 I just can't believe how many of these homewreckers say nothing about the pain they are causing the innocent wives and children involved in their trysts with married men! All they talk about is their own pain which they have brought on themselves. That is what always happens when one throws honor and integrity to the wind. I have no sympathy for anyone who willingly causes pain and then expects affirmation and comfort.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): i have recently begun an affair with a married man. we met through work, and before things began, we both knew each other was married. it started with harmless flirting, then constant emails and chatting. now we call each other everyday and meet once or twice a week just to be together. we haven't slept together yet, but I know that will happen soon. what if we could both be happier with each other, why does everyone say to end affairs? if we are unhappy with our current situation, but so far are very happy with each other, couldn't that be better? or will we just be unhappy together too?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I am still with him.... I love him and i know he doesn't want to lose me and i decided to stay with him..... for the girl who wanted to talk to me about it and support each other please write me a message... so we can keep in touch.... please do, it helps to know that someone is here and understands exacly what you are going through...write me a private message but I need to register first.:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): hello, i too am in love with a married man. He treated me like no one ever has. I loved him more everyday we were together. I heard the same lines that I am sure you have, like no one ever treated him this way, or his wife never showed him love like I did, etc. Well, for the last 2 months, guess where he has been? He calls me several times a day, or if his wife is around, i get the texts. He is trying to tell me that they arent having sex, but I do not believe him. Am getting to the point that I want to end this, I feel that I deserve better, but yet I still love him. I made the mistake of quitting my job so that I could be with him more, and now I am financally dependent on him. I have no friends because I made him my everything. Am so lonely and confused!!! I know that he does love me, just cant understand why he is hurting me this way. He says that he is there for the kids, but 2 months? When is there time for me? We are not from the same state. My mind tells me to run as far away as I can, but my heart tells me differant. Would like to talk to you, I am sure you feel alone too. Am knew on computers, not sure if I can leave you my email number or not. Will watch to see if you respond. Good luck to you, I know how much it hurts to be second
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female
reader, lost35 +, writes (30 November 2008):
Girl, i am in the same position, only we have been together for 6 months and he was my boss, alot of people don't understand think we are simply homewreckers and trust me i am a beautiful woman and i bet you are too. Its just that when you fall in love with someone it is so hard regardless of the circumstances. i had to leave my job because i coudn't handle it anymore. i couldn't even work, and now i am jobless and loveless. He won't leave his wife like he had told me in the begining that he had been unhappy for years and that they never had sex for a year. So he led me to believe that what we had was real and that we had a future together and now he is back trackign and telling me he wants to make it work with her. THAT ALONE HURT ME TO THE CORE. I KNOW i need to break it off and i am now on my 4th day of not calling him and it is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. i love the man with al my heart and he just doeasn't care. its so sick when you think about it. i told him i needed to see a therapist and that HE is going to pay for it after all that he has done to me. And the funny thing is is that the wife knows he cheated because i called and just said there was something she needed to know and hung up. well he confessed that he had an affair in june with a girl in seattle which is so far from the truth. He has not called me since thanksgiving day of which i din't answer i feel so alone and scared without him. he was my rock and even though i know that i am sick and so is he for even continuing on the break is so hard to make. its like we watn to believe that someday we will be able to be with them but the truth is we won't .........i would LOVE TO talk to you personally as it seems we are going through the same thing.......would you like to chat personally? here is my personal email i would love to hear from you. [email address blocked]...........
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 I honestly believe the best thing you could do for YOU is to have some therapy - something is not right for you to have put yourself in this position in the first place - and to have allowed it to continue for 2 1/2 years.
Some part of you knows what you are 'getting' in this so called relationship is not what you want or deserve. Why then do you keep letting it go on?
This is what you need to explore. Until you have it is likely you will not be able to have a 'healthy' relationship with any guy.
This man of yours has deceived his wife and family for 2 1/2 years - that doesn't make him trustworthy - you know this. You feel sad because you know you want more than he can give you - he entered into this relationship with you for sex on the side, obviously he has some feelings for you to have kept it going so long, but he is building a life with his wife...having children etc - NOT you. You will never feel fullfilled in this. You are fullfilling some need of his - but losing out in the process.
Take the step to go and see a psychologist, talk all this through in a safe environment - you won't regret it.
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female
reader, sacha  +, writes (29 November 2008):
Hi, I am married to a lying, cheating man, he has had 4 affairs over 25 years, I am still with him, the men very rarely leave their wives, this breeds hurt, anger, despair, low self esteem etc etc.
Please do not do this to the wife, it is such a bad thing for us to go through, don't believe him if he says "My wife doesn't understand me" We understand the husband completely and normally we are one step ahead of them.
Our son does not speak to his father at all and our daughter used to be a daddies girl and no longer is.
The last woman he went off with, told all sorts of lies, I know, as she has phoned me repeatedly, she eventually scared my husband so much with her crazy pranks he came running back with his tail between his legs.
Please get out of this now, save yourself and save the heartache for the wife, as for him he needs bringing down a peg or two from his high and mighty ladder!!!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 November 2008):
 I know you don't want any rude comments but the best advice you could get would be how to make better choices when choosing your lovers. You don't need to hear about how you can make him feel guilty, you need to hear about how you can find a single person. He is unavailable. He is married. It is not easy to suggest that everything you're doing is OK and acceptable because it's not. I'm married and value my relationship. I would not want someone coaching my wife on the best way to have an affair. This is at the wrong end of the good/bad scale we use in life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongipsy you are so right...FYI: i finally told him how i felt...i told him i wasn't happy but i wanted to be with him and i dont expect him to leave his wife but i asked for more time and all just to test him because i knew the answer...he offered to buy me whatever i wanted to give me everything because he does have money but i dont want that i work 2 jobs to support mysef...i work hard to buy me whatever i want and i do...he abviously said that he couln't take time away from his family so i told him i dont want anything from him...its hurting me because hes just letting me go but i know its the best :(
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female
reader, Gypsii +, writes (27 November 2008):
Do the following experiment: The next time that you're with your married man, tell him that you met a wonderful guy that you're also sleeping with. However, reassure the married guy that you still want to be with him and want to maintain the relationship.
Guess what? As soon as he hears that another man is in the picture, he'll hit the roof and will likely leave you in a hot minute! Why? Because men like him have no problem justifying their deeds. However, when the shoe is on the other foot, they NEVER want to play second fiddle to another man. Thus, the real question is why are you settling for this guy? He would NOT do the same for you.
Do the experiment and let us know how it turns out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): I never understand why intelligent girls like you lower yourselves to receive the 'scraps' that these men dish out to you at their convenience when you could be doing so much better than him, ie someone who is free to love and cherish you.
He preyed on you when you were 'in a place of pain and weakness'. Please do not deceive yourself that this is a 'truthful' man because he is deceiving his wife by having an affair with you and I am sure he is spinning all kinds of lies to his wife about it.
I get the impression because other men have lied to you, hurt you and deceived you in the past that you don't want a real relationship which is why you have gone for someone who isn't available, but I urge you to leave this 'man' for good.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): In the long run most women who are with married men feel very disappointed and let down because things they dream of don't happen, the wife is the priority and they feel second best. The longer you let this go on the harder it will be. Think about whether you really want to continue.
It seems you need emotional support but it is not just from a man that you can get this. You could talk to friends and family and if you haven't any friends, take steps to make some. One person is never enough for anyone.
I hope I haven't spoken out of turn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Speaking as the "wife" here My husband has just left me and our children for his lover and so maybe i am bitter and hurt but have some sense...after 2 1/2 yrs and a baby..he wants his cake and eat it!!
Get a grip and a bit of respect for yourself!! If the marriage is going to end then dont let it be because of you...
Everyone suffers in situations like this except the two timing rat who deserves it.
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female
reader, Teacake +, writes (24 November 2008):
 --- i rather be with him than anyone else because other man have lied to me and hurt me and deceived me ----
But he is lying and deceiving his wife and family. WHich makes him a dirt bag. He is obviously manipulating you and until you have the strength to get rid of him, things will only get worse.
Unfortunately he has children to consider. So far he isn't being a very good father figure. Never never never again even chat with a married man. It only breeds misery for everyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Aw hun I feel for u. In the same position myself but I feel so used now I can't take it any longer. I weighed up the options and it was try to be care free and go with it because at least I'm with him that way or I stand up for myself, get some sense in my head and realise I'm so much more worthy than being there for a man who obviously doesn't care that much for me at all.
Besides either I do it now or do it later because it won't change, think I'd rather attempt it now and get it over with because it's only going to get harder isn't it.
I really hope you can see where I'm coming from, if I can do it you can too, we deserve more than men like that, they don't lie, just use.
good luck x x x
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 November 2008):
You are never going to find happiness with this guy, just misery, and I think you know it. I also think you know exactly what you need to do, for yourself and for his family. He may be truthful to you but he certainly is behaving despicably towards his wife, now isn't he!? At least when you finally wise up, you won't be leaving behind anything valuable.
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female
reader, KSnider +, writes (24 November 2008):
Coming from a married woman....
I think he is honestly putting you in a horrible situation. He has you on the side whenever he wants you but all in all he is going home to his wife... And in my opinion if this has happened for a long period of time he prob wont leave his wife.
You said you were 15 years younger then him... Maybe just try and cut ties with him and find someone a little closer to your age and that is going to be available to you All the time. Not just when its conventant for him.
Good luck:)
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