A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am seventeen years old and Muslim. I met my 19 year old boyfriend 5 months ago and have been dating since in secret. Coming from a strict family and myself valuing the teachings of Allah, i have continually felt ashamed and scared about being found out about my relationship. Although there is no such thing as love in Islam before marriage, we truly believe we are meant to be together considering our great compatibility in terms of life values, personality etc. Today our relationship changed in the way that we lost our virginity together. It was not planned or forced - just a natural feeling based on the growth of our relationship. I now feel ashamed and guilt ridden and wish I did not do this. Apart from repenting for my sins. I would really like some advise on what next steps I should take. We plan to marry after we finish studying and stay together. Just sex is off the limits but i fear i am weak and can't control myself.
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male
reader, turkishsabre  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 this is about religious issues i think..and most of the muslim families do not accept such a thing and accuse for not being faithfull in most arabic countries and iran people are being killed because of such things.. but if you re in a similar strict family you must conceal it..and dont tell anybody who can harm you..if you keep your secret it is your slave,if you tell your secret then you become your secret's slave..so try not to be pregnant before your planned marriage, if you dont want to be accused by your cultural and religious environment..and be sure that guy is a trustable person or not..
A
female
reader, Natalie:) +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Okay, so I don't know enough about your religion BUT think about a real sin... Like stealing from someone helpless, or physically or mentally hurting someone. Then think of what you did. It's not a "sin" at all!!
Its natural!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Because it feels good and your human DNA from eons of evolution have programmed us to enjoy and desire sex, especially when we are young and the chances of bad mutations being passed down to our offspring are at it's lowest.
You can't really fight these urges, and it's not healthy to as vast amounts of medical studies have proven. I say if it feels good and doesn't hurt anyone, do it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): And religion ruins another perfectly good relationship.
So long as you make love with someone you love, and it is done with respect and safety for the act... then there is no reason you should be made to feel guilty for the very desires and bodily functions that your chosen deity gave you.
By our very nature we are designed to procreate. This is how a species survives.
If you trully wish to abstain from sex, then the previous poster has offered some very reasonable suggestions.
But don't let religious doctrine of any kind guilt trip you into a life of servitude.
Love exists in all facets of humanity, both in a marriage in outside of it.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (20 October 2010):
It is hard to control yourself. If you are both serious about your relationship, and serious about abstinence, consider the following:
- Take a break from each other. I've seen it recommended that you break contact for 4-6 months, but I am doubting that the two of you would be able to handle that without outside support. Instead, shoot for 45 days. Don't talk to each other, don't see each other. Focus instead on improving your personal self control.
- Make physical contact off limits. I know this seems impossible, but you admit yourself that weakness is there, and being physical will get you lost in moments doing things you wish you hadn't later on. You can kiss and hug in greeting, but don't make out, don't cuddle, etc.
Ultimately, it is up to you how seriously you want to abstain from here until marriage. If you are unwilling to take big measures to control yourselves, don't be upset when you falter.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (20 October 2010):
 So dont! just make sure you always use rubbers, trust who you are fucking, and arent doing anything illegal, and go out and bang and fuck until you cant fuck anymore, then if your like most people I know, eventually it will just kind of become not so impulsive and new, it will just become sex, and you'll be past it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): You should sit down with him and talk about what you want to do next. If you decied to stop having sex I sujest you come up with some bondries to make sure your not tempted. For example he can only touch you in certain place that you know you can control. If you decied to contiue I sugest you vist your doctor and get on some for of birth control so that you never have to explain anything to your family. Either way it is up to the two of you. I hope the best for you :)
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