A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My former girlfriend of five years broke up with me several months ago. I was devastated for a long time as I'd always thought we would spend our lives together and it was completely out of the blue. We have seen each other at various social occasions since, probably on average about once every month. I've found these largely quite difficult to deal with, and although we've got on fine (to be honest it's just the same as when we used to go out) I've realy struggled to keep my emotions in check, because I love her and miss her terribly. Last time was the worst, and I ended up saying to her that it was too hard to be just friends with her and I had to say goodbye properly because if she really didn't want to be with me any more then I needed to move on. I hadn't heard from her for a while and have been dating another girl for a short while when last night my ex started texting me. She's got a new job and it sounds very stressful. The text was just a 'how's things?' type of text, it was really late at night though and she was still at work, and I decided I might as well text back, and a few went back and forth, she was pretty stressed out, until I had to get some sleep. I texted her again today asking whether she got back alright etc but haven't heard anything back. Her texting me made me sad at not being with her but inevitably also made me wonder why she did it a month or two after me saying I couldn't contact her any more. What do I do about this situation? I guess the most rational answer is to delete her number, don't answer any more of her texts if she texts again, etc etc. This will put her out of my life forever and one day I guess I'll truly get over her. But the point is I would much rather have her back in my life if at all possible! Should I try to initiate conversation with her again or do you think, in the 'cold light of day', she probably now regrets having texted me last night and this is why she hasn't replied?She got really annoyed and upset when I said I didn't think I could do 'just friends' after five years of going out, but I just can't bear to know if she's with someone else or whatever and I don't think it was unreasonable. She was never really able to say why she wanted to break up, I think she just wanted to be free of ties and talked a lot about "not knowing what love means really" and all that stuff, it was like she'd turned into a completely different person. So in many ways I wish she'd just stop texting me, but I wonder whether the reason she did was because she misses me. I still love her terribly.Thanks guys.
View related questions:
at work, broke up, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): If you want it then you should have put a ring on it...5 years is a long time to be "dating"!! I just ended my 10 year relationship because i felt if after 10 years he has not thought of marrying me then he never will. Might be the case in your situation as well.
A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (20 October 2010):
You have to realize that the odds of her coming completely to her senses and deciding to fall in love with you again is very low. More than likely she is trying to work herself through the breakup, albeit in a different way than you are.
She broke up with you because she wanted to, but that doesn't mean she could handle it easily. She got into a stressful spot and went for you, her longtime security blanket. That doesn't mean she is interested in you in the least.
You should cut off contact as you said, and move on with your life. You can always hope in the back of your mind that, when you both get your lives sorted out you will miss what you had. But what she is doing now is not her trying to get back with you. It is her being unable to process her own issues, which she needs to do. You will be doing both you and her a favor by cutting off contact and figuring out how to work through your problems on your own.
...............................
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Hey bro, your asking what we think, so I hope you really want answers, sounds like she either got interested in someone else, or was already pursuing someone else and before it went to far she broke it off with you, so she wouldnt hurt you, im sure she was confused, 5 years is along time to spend with someone, and get to know them, I firmly believe that after someones spent 5 years with you, it should be mandatory they give some type of explanation as to why they want out, but it's not, I would honestly just NEVER!! contact her again, im assuming you dont have children, so you can cleanly break from her, it will never get easier as long as you even text her, or respond to her texts, give yourself time, and give her time, if after like a year has gone, and you feel your over her, then this is the time you can shoot her a text or email, just to see how life is treating her, if you even still care by then, just my 2 cents.
...............................
|
