A
male
age
36-40,
*uturo1234
writes:I am 25. I live with my girlfriend and her younger sister. We just moved in together, all three of us moving to a new city. I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years and her sister has been my best friend for almost as long. They are both the most amazing and beautiful women I have ever known. I love my girlfriend and want to spend my life with her, I want to grow old with her. The trouble is, I feel the same way for her sister.I admit, there is a very strong sexual element to my attraction and, hell, I'll say it, love for her sister. But it is just because she is a very classically beautiful woman. My emotional charge over her is due to the deep, intimate friendship we forged. I have been honest with her in a way I have not been honest with anyone in my life. I have never experienced such a caring, and unconditionally loving friendship. I wonder if this is the feeling of having a close sibling.My heart soars when I am the one to make her smile, laugh, joke around, or talk about things, the things best friends talk about til the wee-small hours. Having a friend like that is equally as valuable to me as my relationship with my girlfriend.With the move together, her sister is now going to college, meeting a lot of new friends, and a new boyfriend. All of it feels like it is taking her further and further away from me. We are drifting apart. Even she admitted it. Seeing her with her boyfriend is absolute torture. Knowing she is smiling and laughing in her art-school world with such beautiful, talented people (more than I will ever be), is simply more than I can take.... knowing she is drifting further and further away.I never felt jealous of her other boyfriend. The two of them and the two of us got along so well, he was like just another member of our little family.I admitted my attraction to her not long ago. I don't really know why. I think it was a gut reaction to being scared of losing her. I certainly didn't expect anything out of it. But it is true, that losing her has made those feelings, and all of my feelings for her, so much stronger.She is probably moving out not too long from now. I have no friends in this city, nor the prospect of ever finding anyone with whom to be that close again. The only other person I was that close with in life was my father. He died long ago.I feel, oddly, the same way now as I felt when he died. The same flavor of black, empty sadness. The same realization that not everything will be OK, and most likely most things won't.I love her. I can't lose her. I honestly don't know if my girlfriend and I will make it without her friendship in my life. She keeps me balanced just as much as my wonderful, sweet girlfriend. Without her, all I have is a lover and a few very not-close friends. I'm just so scared. What should I do? How do I try to keep this friendship alive?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 October 2010):
 It's like you're in a relationship with her and her sister. Talk about keeping it in the family. I'm wondering how much alike they really are. 5 years with your girlfriend and friends with her sister for the same amount...So what if you lost both? You seem very dependent emotionally on both of them..your girlfriend the lover aspect, her sister for the friendship and turning into a possible love interest. You're trying to blur the lines of girlfriend and best friend. But the thing is you already have a girlfriend whom you specify you love and want to grow old with. But in the end of the posting you don't know how much longer your relationship will last because her sister is gone. As if you were only dating your girlfriend to get to her sister. I'll tell you your relationship will fail because you're not maintaining it, you're way too preoccupied and blindsided by her sister to fix it. You and your girlfriend are the glue who holds together your relationship, not her sister.
Forget about her sister, she's going to be out of the picture and has a boyfriend. With her out of your life, I suggest salvaging what you have left with your current girlfriend. If you can't pull yourself together, then break up with her and confess your undying love for her sister. Maybe she will break up with her boyfriend to be with you. However, if she doesn't harbor the same feelings then you have lost them both. Watch what route you take.
A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (20 October 2010):
"I love my girlfriend and want to spend my life with her, I want to grow old with her. The trouble is, I feel the same way for her sister."
I strongly doubt your feelings can be trusted.
It is in your best interests to let the sister out of your life, and get your emotional state stabilized. She will always be your friend, but you can't wish for her life to go unfulfilled just so you can live day-to-day within a fantasy. Especially because you engage in this fantasy behind your girlfriend's back.
The "emotional connection" you have with your girlfriend's sister isn't strong because you two share such an intimate friendship. It is strong and wreaking havoc on you now because you let it get out of hand when you knew that you could never really have her. She was off limits, but you never through on the breaks and that is what is biting you in the ass now.
She will always be your friend. She just won't always be in proximity enough for it to screw with you. Go out, get some guy friends, and make sure they are straight.
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