A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been going out for almost 2 years now. I am no longer sure if I can trust him any more. I was just messing around on myspace.com I was going to sign in to his account to leave a message for him as a surprise when he log on next, but when I put in his info. for what I thought was his account. I actually signed on to another account he had that I didn't know about. He had a picture of him posted and his status was single. He also had only one friend, which was a girl. So I read the messages and in the messages she wrote "hey love" to him and he replied with "hey baby i love you, by the way i love all of your pics." she replied "you better". Of course when I asked him about it he denied everything and wouldn't let me see the site and deleted it. I never told him that I had already seen everything when I accidentally signed in. We have had some problems, but nothing major. This girl lives in Oklahoma and so I figured that he met her when he went to Disney with his family since the conversation went on not too long after they got back. We live in South Carolina so I know they can't meet again, but I am so scared that he might have cheated on me down there and might possibly do it again when he starts college next week. We have a 6 month son together and I love him so much. I am just so confused and don't know what to do Please Help Me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): I have a similar story with my fiance. I went to visit him and went on his computer his yahoo messenger signed in there was a bunch of girls there. So I clicked on his email and found out there was a personal ad that he had signed on after we were together... Asked him about it he said he was drunk and bored said he didnt mean to hurt me and would delete it but his computer is screwed up now so he cant go on but I know he has been on someone elses and continues to lie about that so I dont trust him, I wouldnt trust the one your with usually if they are lying they will do it again
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Sorry to hear you are upset about the myspace experience. You need to ask yourself what you're afraid of, and why he is doing what he's doing.
Are you afraid he doesn't love you? Ask him if he does or doesn't. Does he actually show it - how, in what ways -does he spend time with you...?
Ask him why he wants to see other women. It's probably all down to sex seeing how he's a man. Men are not built to have sex with just one woman all the time. It's hormones - can't fight against it. Trying to fight against it is like a woman trying to avoid having monthly periods by just using will power - it doesn't work.
The key thing is for you to find out from him what it is that he needs from you, and you make sure you give it to him. Then he'll love you forever and stay with you. It doesn't mean he won't have sex with other women - we've already been through that. But it does mean that he will spend time with you, and his sex with other women will just be a physical thing - like a game of racket ball for example.
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A
female
reader, tamika1983 +, writes (13 August 2009):
U don't have any physical evidence of him cheating besides what u saw. I don't know if u know this but a lot of times people use myspace to do harmless flirting. He's probably gonna do another page just not under his name. U just have to ask and hopes he's honest with u but in the mean time put nothing past him. Guys cheat even when they have the perfect family and half the time they can't even tell u why. Just talk to him. Part of a good relationship is grown on trust and communication. Don't let him off the hook easy cause I'm quit sure he qould have no problem coming to u if he thought u may have cheated.
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A
female
reader, daelcohu  +, writes (12 August 2009):
 Men always deny the truth even when we have seen it with our own eyes, I went through the same experience, but with his e-mails,my fiance at that time was emailing a nurse,that he met in a beach party.What I did, was asking her things about how they met and how they saw each other, she sent her pictures and told me what she felt for him, then I had a big fight with him, he had never told her about my existance, so maybe you would have had to keep that secret for a little bit and have surprised both of them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): Yes, absolute trust is the building block of a quality healthy relationship. And you are having trouble with this. Can't blame you..his behaviors shattered the trust here, didn't it. I have troubles with these MySpace.com, Twitter, FaceBook websites...when I read these posting where these social networking sites are so badly misused to cheat and step out on loved ones. To me 'cheating' is when one engages his/her intimate emotions while claiming to love another.
However, she's in another state and you claim he'll never see her. He has deleted the offensive website and profile. Your bf has done what a lot of people do. He engaged his ego and he's struggled against his own selfishness. He'd forgotten that he was in control of his behaviors. One of those behaviors is "self-restraint". That requires integrity, effort and sacrifice. And when it comes to online dalliances, people give that all up, rather than having adoring female/s online and just be content/ happy with the attentions and love of his main ladylove, in the real world. . Listen, hun...this online female lacks depth whereas you don't. You are real...but he had this need for validation. I guess I feel, that this behavior now gives you a glimpse into the true 'character' of the man you love.
So what do you do? I wouldn't blame you for dumping his butt...but if you want to make this fly-start setting some strong boundaries. Both of you are very young still. In fact, too young to be engaged. At least he is because he's showing an immature side to his character by remaining stuck in the 'me, me, me' mode. He deleted the profile. Now, Have you let him know the consequences of his behaviors, if not, you nudge him hard. You need to let him know what he loses. And if he can't stop, then you have no choice, you follow through, keep your pride intact or he keeps doing this, in which case, you sacrifice your pride and self-esteem in this relationship.
If you decide to get this relationship back on track...you do not trust him immediately. He has some proving to do, doesn't he. He has to regain your trust slowly and over time with commendable behaviors. If he can't do that...then face the fact you should not be with such a man and walk off. Get tough girl and be strong.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (12 August 2009):
 talk to him about it tell him you've already seen it and you're not happy.
given you shouldn't have gone onto his myspace.
but he shouldn't have lied to you!
you really need to tell him about this other wise you'll never find out the truth and keep having that on your mind he needs to be honest with you especially if you guys are engaged to be wed i mean you need to start off by telling him what happened and he needs to open up to you with the truth as well.
he's leading a double life and he shouldn't.
who knows what else he's got hidden.
hope this helps :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): You really need to think long and hard about this and whether its really worth pursuing... personally I'd dump him but that's your call...
Steve
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A
female
reader, redgem +, writes (12 August 2009):
 It hurts and you feel betrayed. I have been in a simular situation. At the end of the day you do have to trust that it has now finished and you also have your son to think about. You need to to discuss it with you partner without making him feel that you are accusing him of anything! If he feels like you are assuming his guilty he will not give anything away. Be strong in most cases love concores all - it depends if you can try to forget and carry on with your life together after talking it through :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): You're just going to have to talk to him, calmly tell him everything that you saw, (so that he KNOWS that he's caught and theres no point denying it) and that you just want the truth. It makes it very complicated that you have a son together because he can clearly lie to your face, so you're just going to have to go with your gut after he admits and make some big decisions. I'd be very worried if he doesnt eventually admit. All the best.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (12 August 2009):
 Oh jeez. Well obviously he is lying to you about denying the account. That's just another strike in the entire 'three strike' rule. The fact that he was sending those messages as well isn't a good sign. I would not suggest marrying him. Relationships don't go anywhere without trust, and if he did this once, chances are he is going to do it all over again. Also the thing about marriage is that once you are married, all the issues you have with each other become ten times worse than they were before. If he is doing this type of thing behind your back, it's a good show of how much he loves you in return. Which isn't very much. I would confront him about it once last time and if he continues to lie, I would leave him and begin filing the papers for child support. Before you go though, I would make sure that he knows you went into his account and that you know he's a liar and a cheater. That stuff isn't right. Just be thankful that you found this out before you got married. First it's myspace and then it's real life affairs. So do yourself a favor and find someone who isn't like that. You deserve better, and so does your six month year old son.
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