A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If you had a choice, what would you pick?A relationship where you feel a lot of sparks, there is a lot of physical attraction, and there is a lot of passion and excitement. BUT where the partner is unreliable and has so much baggage that you are in for a very rocky relationship with problems. OR, would you rather have a relationship that is boring but very stable and steady. You don't feel sparks necessarily, but you know that this person is trustworthy and reliable, will never cheat and is completely committed to you. And just to take the second scenario slightly further: if you met someone with whom you feel no spark whatsover, but thinking about it completely rationally, you honestly felt that this person was right for you and would treat you right, would you go for it?And how would you feel if you found out that the person you married thought of you that way? How would you react if your spouse of however many years revealed that he/she never felt a spark with you and married you because he/she thought that you would just be a good partner?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): Hi, I'm the op again.
I thought about it more. And do you think there are more sparks in general with the "exciting" guys out there ("exciting" meaning has issues, baggage, unreliable). I wonder if we are all sort of attracted to that type of thing sometimes.
Not to say that there can't be an attraction to the "good" guys, too. But I can't help but think I'm drawn to the "bad" ones who I know are wrong for me. It makes me wonder if I'll always have this fatal attraction and never really be attracted to the guys that are right for me...
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (24 December 2010):
 If you date the sparks/danger guy, it won't last ans one of you will dump the other after a wld, but short, relationship and whatever love you feel now would turn to hate later. If you date the stable/boring guy, you have a very HIGH chance of cheating on him later with an exciting guy (or just going nuts from boredom). Neither is a good long term solution. Sorry for the sad news.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): (I'm the original op)
Wow. Thanks so much for your answers. I've been questioning what "love" is lately. I've been thinking that I've been idealizing into something so abstract that I won't even recognize if it comes by. I don't know.
But seeing these answers from people who've experienced it and can give me the practical viewpoint on it (with the consequences), it helps.
Thanks!!!
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (24 December 2010):
Neither. Either of these relationships sound like they would end badly/be horrible to be in.
But between the 2 of them, I would lean more towards the boring reliable guy.
I've dated 2 people that are somewhat similar to those descriptions. The 1st relationship, we had a lot of passion, chemistry, sparks, we were crazy infatuated with each other. But we broke up 3 times, he lied to me, there was a whole lot of drama. I couldn't trust him to be there for me in the long run, so even though I still have feelings for him, I would never go back.
The 2nd relationship, we do have some sparks. We like a lot of the same things, have fun together. But he is more boring than the 1st guy. Also, there's somewhat less passion etc. He's a stable, reliable guy. Somewhat unemotional and logical, but that's what makes him stable. We do love each other a lot, and now we're engaged. Because only with him could we work through the tough times and make the commitment to each other. But I would only choose the "boring guy" if there were sparks and feelings and love, etc.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Neither.
I agree with Jonas. You don't really love either or you would know. Don't settle....
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 I would go with neither. I'm a dreamer but I think the person you choose to be with for life, to marry, should be both reliable, completely committed and trustworthy, whilst also being passionate, exciting, physically attractive and have sparks between you. Otherwise it won't last or you will get bored.
If the person I marry turned round and told me they never felt a spark and didn't find me physically attractive or exciting, I would be mortified, angry, hurt and insulted. To be honest, I would probably be able to tell. If there is no spark, there is no spark for both people. Sexual chemisty is mutual. If one person doesn't fancy the other, the other will surely be able to sense this from the way they act. You can't fake sexual attraction.
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A
female
reader, lils +, writes (24 December 2010):
iv been askin my self the same question been with a man 4 years have a little girl age 2, hes borin, not really attracted to him, but my ex has been talkin to me he is gorgus, exciting, butterfly in your tummy sort of thing, BUT! He gambles his money, he likes a night out every friday, do trust him but alot of people tell u to be careful. Do you stay unhappy and bored? Or all the sparks the attractiveness but always watchin what he is doin?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): My 10-yr marriage started out as your second scenario - no spark, but stable and boring and committed.
Now we're going to divorce. Why? Because having no spark for 10 years leaves us me feeling completely miserable and unfulfilled and like I wasted my youth. Stable and boring is for when you are in your old age. Not for when you are still young.
Oh and another thing is that a marriage without spark won't remain stable and committed for very long. Because some day one of you WILL run into someone else who does create a spark and then your marriage will be in serious trouble.
If you want a stable and boring relationship - then leave it as a platonic friendship.
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