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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm really upset and don't know what to do, i just came home from work to find that my seven year old son had left his bikes outside after repeadedly telling him to bring them in when he is finished riding, and one of them ( mongoose) was stolen from our back yard. He was being watced by his grandma, once she left, i became very angry with him and made him go straight to bed. Now i feel really bad that i hurt his feelings, i made him feel like he wasn't responsible enough to take care of his things and he really is, he just forgot this one time and i lashed out at him. I feel so bad. I want to wake him up and apologize Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 I remember once when I was about seven years old and i smashed my Dad's glasses when i had a football in the house.
He did the same thing and sent me to my room and I cried the entire afternoon but then my mum came up later on to tell me that he wasn't angry any more and that he had forgiven me. I never brought a football into the house again!
I think this is the only approach you can go with to be honest, I think that after a while you should go up to see him and tell him calmly that you have forgiven him, but he mustn't do it again because he can see what happens when he does.
Tell him that when you ask him to do things, it's not so that you can have a nag, it's because you love him and want him to be safe and happy.
I'm sure a quick hug wouldn't do any harm too! :)
Take care, hope it all works out for you.
xx
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 What the...
Raising kids is about preparing them for adult life. Not about being their friend.
Just imagine ten years from now, he is in his first job and has responsibilty. He leaves the company car unlocked and it is stolen. Your little baby boy will come crying home because his boss chewed him out and fired him.
He screwed up. Forgot just this once? Then why did you have to tell him repeatedly?
If you don't teach your kid now that their are consequences to his actions, he will never learn it.
By all means, take the easy way out but don't come crying if 10 years from now your teen son has no sense of responsibilty. Mind you, bikes? As in more then one? So basically, he gets something stolen and you don't want him to notice any hardship from it. He can just use another bike, probably gets a new one and mommy apologized for it all.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Don't Wake Him!
I know that you are feeling bad, honey. Don't wake him up and ruin his sleep to make yourself feel better. You know, you weren't entirely in left field when you yelled and told him off. You did give him instructions to do a job. The end results, the theft of the bike, has cost your family money and he should be held responsible for it. That is a reasonable response to what has happened. It's okay to yell at your child when they have screwed up. The most important thing is that he realizes WHY you yelled and why he screwed up. A lot of times, children haven't a clue why Mom and Dad are yelling!!! So, just ask him tomorrow if he understands why you were so angry and if he understands why what he did made you angry. Then figure out a reasonable punishment that will give a bit of weight to this issue, keeping in mind that a 7 year old can't pay for a bike... Perhaps chores or an essay to explain "Why I Should Do What Mom Asks Me To...".
I don't believe that totally shielding a child from anger or conflict is a good lesson, I think that is totally unrealistic. The most important thing is explaining why you lost your temper and making sure that he understands WHY you did, and what he did wrong. Yes, you have the right idea about being responsible when you have lost your temper, though. ALWAYS reconsider why you did lose your temper and if it was totally out of line with the transgression that your son committed, by all means, apologize and tell your son if you were in the wrong and blew up. It's NOT important to hide anger and conflict, it's import to explain it, to let them know if they were wrong, and to APOLOGIZE if you are ever wrong too. All of these very human emotions are scary for kids, they need their parents to explain them all by showing them a good example, not by hiding the fact that human beings love them even though they are fallible at times.
XXX
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reader, musicandlove247 +, writes (16 July 2008):
 My mom does this all the time with my little brother who is 10. Just wait until the morning wake him up and explain to him that you have told him over and over to pick up his bike and when he doesn't do it is disappoints you. But then show him your sorry by doing something fun with him or something he enjoys doing... like go to the park or take him swimming.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Don't wake him up, let him sleep and then tell him exactly what you told us here. Your words were beautiful and I'm sure he'll understand. These things happen, I'm sure he'll forgive you. Don't get too upset because he loves you very much and hates to see you hurt as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): well, calm down and wait til the morning and explain to him why you were upset and let him know how important it is to be responsible for his things! my sister that lives with me has a son and he does the same things and we both yell at him and he gets upset and hurt but we let him know that we yell because we care and want him to learn from it. if he is dead asleep, go ahead and give him a hug or a kiss and he'll feel that and won't be upset in the morning. kids are hard to deal with but as long you don't put your hands on him...it will be ok. also, recognize if you are really mad at him or his grandmother. cause if she was watching him, she should of told him as well! it's a common mistake but parents do lash out on the kids when really it's someone they're mad at.
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