A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I dont really know where to start...I have been best friends with a guy for the last three or four years who has helped me through a previouse relationship with his friend..He has always been there for me and listened to me endlessly speak of my love for his friend and often given me good advice. Without him i really dont think i would have coped.Last december we were out for a drink when Charlie(the guy i loved so very much entered the bar), My gut reaction was to leave but Sam talked me out of it saying i had as much right to be there as he did. Eventually charlie and i started talking and ended up in thhe bar for several hours.As time went on Sam began to drink heavily and i took him home. On the way he told me that he couldnt bare to see Charlie and i talking again as he had carried a love for me for the last few years but had never been able to tell me as i was in love with someone else.My first reaction was that i valued our friendship and didnt see him in the way he wanted. He is a very sensative guy and took this badly.A few days down the line i began to miss his company and told him that maybe i was wrong and had feelings for him after all. Charlie in my mind had been laid to rest finally and sam suddenly became very important to me.Five months on and we still have the same feelings although we have both fought them off as he is married.His wife is very insecure and dependent on him. I know her very well and she has had bad relationships on the past. Believe me we have tried to stay apart but find it extremely difficult and keep coming back to each other. he says he loves us both and is frightened to leave her as it would destroy her(which i agree).I have no doubt he does love her but what we have is so special to us both. We have been out for a drink and both agree it has to end for all our sakes only to end up together again.I know what we are doing is wrong but i am now deeply in love with him as he is me...i spend a lot of time with his wife and get very jealous thinking of them togethher for which i have no right.Sometimes i do question what i want from him and what we are doing continuing our relationship but then i find myself tthinking of him constantly...i do know however that if Charlie were to come back to me i would without hesitation pull away from Sam as i have never loved anyone as mmuch as i did him.Should i let Sam go for all our sakes or try and hold on to any happiness in my life that i can. This relationship is wrong i know that but the thought of not having him around is awful...please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): Let Sam go? HE ISN'T YOURS!
You went from being madly in love with Charlie to being madly in love with his friend. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? I think you're the insecure one,not his wife. She has a man and you don't seem to be able to live without one, so you go after hers.
Look, no matter how much you want him, you can't have him because there is someone else he has vowed to love and honor. If he really, truly loved you, he'd end his marriage before he started with you. Instead, he's going to use you for all it's worth and compare notes with his friend.
If you think you're hollow now, think about how you're going to feel with all of this comes crashing down on you. You'll have no one to blame but yourself for any pain you experience as a result of your relationship with a married man.
You are not a teenager, you are a grown-ass woman and that means you have a degree of impulse control.Get some 'effin self respect and back off.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers. Just to update you i am still in the same situation.We tried backing away for the sake of all of uis and havent been out alone oin a while however the three of us went out the other night and he is now telling me that he loves me and doesnt want it to end between us. I feel so hollow inside. I want to be with him but know it is so wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): No offensive but you sound like a monkey you won't go to let go of the last branch until you have hold of your new one...I know lots of women like you, don't really like being alone? its okay until you are hurting someone else,Please respect their relationship they deserve to be happy!!You don't want to be with someone who would leave there wife for you...cause what happens when your relationship isn't working out either?? does he go on to someone new?? I think you should really focus on enjoying to be single and being the best person you can be, the better you are the better you male choices are. you feel great. you find great. You can find a better man than one that is already taken
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 What you had was a friendship. He is no longer a friend but alove interest. I'm surprised you said his wife is insecure. It sounds like she has reason to be. You and he are out for drinks and discussing your love for each other. I'd say she is wise as opposed to insecure. You say you know it'swrong. Listen to yourself and leave them alone. Find a single person and end the drama.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 What is your question???
You know it's wrong...but you can't let go? Are you here to confess your sins???
Imagine you were married to Charlie, and a female acquaintence of yours was leaning on him for support....one thing led to another...and they fell in love. She knew it was wrong but just couldn't let go of him! Is it something you would want done to you???
Find yourself someone who is available and will to be with you and No One else. You are selling yourself short, and betraying the other woman.
As for Sam??? He is also betraying his wife! If he left her and came to you....eventually there would be another woman out there who needed consoling!
Think!!!!
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A
male
reader, bournedout +, writes (8 May 2010):
Ditto -- but I would go further and say that you *cannot* be friends. As painful as that is, I don't think it is possible to be "just friends" now. I agree that he will not leave his wife. I say go and do not look back.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 May 2010):
Never in a million years will Sam leave his wife. You know what you have to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): Do not destroy the friendship that you have built up and certainly do not destroy his marriage if you do it will be a mistake you will regret always and the loss of not 1 but 2 friends.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (8 May 2010):
You already know the answer girlfriend.Leave sb else's husband.Where's charlie?Dont entertain this adulterous thing you call love.Stop hanging out with sam.The more you hang out,the stronger the feelings will grow.Stop communicating in any way.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1 +, writes (8 May 2010):
You already know the answer girlfriend.Leave sb else's husband.Where's charlie?Dont entertain this adulterous thing you call love.
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