A
male
age
36-40,
*ansasdude408
writes:I am 20 years old and i am a VIRGIN!!! I know pathetic right. Well anyways I have met this girl and we have been seeing each other for almost 6 monthes and she is starting to pressure me about sex. Everytime we start to do it I get scared and freeze up. I am nervous because she has had sex before and I know that in the size department I am below average and I just dont want to not be able to do it. I think I am too small to do it like it wont work. I know some women said that size isnt everything that it is how you use it can anyone give me a pointer or two on what is the best way to use it so that she will get pleasure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, betty backstabber  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 every woman is into a different thing but i personally prefer it smaller as i find it doesn't hurt as much and its easier in foreplay! This whole thing about women loving big penises is a load of nonsense, all of my friends and i find it easier with a smaller one... so dont worry about your size! you need to relax more and don't feel pressurised into doing anything you don't want. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being 20 years old and a virgin! put it this way-at least your not double your age! or even 12 years old and not a virgin! at least you've been wise enough to wait until you are old enough and responsible enough to deal with it!
sex is about uniting the bodies of two people who love each other and care for each other, so don't rush into things and think that you've gotta be the best in bed she's ever had or the fastest or whatever.. cause its really not about that! she will appreciate it more if your more loving to her and you do actually take your time.
good luck!
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (4 August 2008):
There's an answer to your question in the thread "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ].
Thee are several other things that should be said. I hope you're listening.
You are probably NOT the only 21-year old virgin you know, and even if you are it's NOT pathetic. If being a 21-year old virgin is your main reason for wanting sex you are in for a disappointing let-down.
If her pressuring you for sex is your main motivation the experience will probably be both incredibly lousy sex AND a disappointing let-down.
If she doesn't know you're a virgin well before the sex happens, you're not ready for a good first experience.
If you think your virginity is a potential turn-off to her, you are probably wrong. If it IS a turn-off, or if she doesn't have some special respect for your situation, she is a poor choice for your first partner.
If she isn't acquainted with your size well before you try to have sex, you haven't done the preliminary homework necessary for a good experience. She knows what it takes to satisfy her - if your size is a real concern, she'll let you know.
If you two haven't spent some time in non-penetrative sexual lovemaking (including fondling, oral sex, petting, "outercourse", etc) you almost guarantee an embarrassing, fumbling, inept and painful (emotionally and physically) first experience. It takes anywhere from a few days to several months of shared nakedness, learning each other's responses, etc to make your first intercourse go well.
On your first time, you will probably climax much too fast. She will probably not have an orgasm during intercourse. It will probably not be at all like you imagine. The important thing is how you two prepare for, and react to, these things.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 August 2008):
My ex boyfriend was HUGE, but he wasn't much interested in foreplay, just getting my turned on enough so have sex. He seemed to think that being big was enough and I should just be enjoying it. Yeah.
What we ladies mean by "it's what you do with it that counts" is that a man who takes the time to really make sure he's pleasuring you is far far far better than one who thinks "Yeah I'm huge! Aren't you lucky!"
Make sure foreplay is good for her, take your time and explore her whole body, don't just shove your hand her pants.
Oral sex is not for everyone, but if you spend a few minutes down there as foreplay it will make her see stars before you've even started having sex.
If this is your first time then don't feel you HAVE to have full sex the first time you get naked together. You cold just stick to foreplay a few times to get your confidence up and discover what she likes and doesn't like.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (3 August 2008):
 Think about "making love" as using your whole being. It is everything you do from the time you meet for the evening until you part. It is not, or should not be, just doing the "nasty," as some may say.
Both lexilou and danielpew led off with good insight here. I'll add this comparison at the risk of ridicule: Women are a bit like a finely-tuned and very expensive race car. You do not just jump in, stomp on the gas peddle and roar down the track. Instead, you nurture this beauty with care, check all the fluids and systems, tweak the mechanisms, carefully warm up the engine and gently ease her around the track for a few spins before revving her to 8,000 rpms. It does not take a size 12 lead-foot to win this race. It takes some things called skill, know how and finesse.
More specifically, it takes loving attention with kisses and embraces, patience and warmth, a soft yet occasionally firm touch and a talented tongue can take you around the world.
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A
female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (3 August 2008):
 It's normal to feel nervous before the first time we have sex with someone.
Don't worry at all about how big, or small, you are - most guys over estimate how big they are, and the average is a lot smaller than you might think!
The how you use it thing is true. And it's about a lot more than how you penetrate her (though that is nice too) - you have hands, fingers, lips and so on that all can play a part in being a good lover.
Making love is like anything though - it takes practice to learn how to be good at it! Most guys, if they are honest, probably were far too excited on their first time to cope with much more than a quick fumble before it's all over so don't put pressure on yourself.
Take time to learn about what your girlfriend likes. How she likes to be kissed, and where, how she likes to be touched and so on. Don't be in too much of a rush - just being willing to take your time will make you a far better lover than most guys your age!
The fact that you are already wanting to know how to make it a good experience for her, rather than just worrying about getting your rocks off, suggests to me that you will not only be fine when it happens but will quickly become rather good at it too.
So don't worry so much, relax, and enjoy it!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 I think women can better answer this question. But, let's give an example. Suppose you have a penis nine inches long, but you have an orgasm as soon as you penetrate a woman, no foreplay involved. Now, suppose you have a penis four inches long, but you enjoy foreplay, do stimulate her, do manage to hold your orgasm and you do put the effort to do pleasurable things that will make her have an orgasm. Does that sound like "it's how you use it"?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): OK - you need to relax. No-one is great in bed at the first attempt. It's probably best, if she doesnt already know to tell her you are a virgin. Give her control.
Relaxation is the key. Dont go into sex thinking you are a complete let down if it doesnt look like it does in the pornos - you are only setting yourself up for misery if you do. Just try to relax and when you are having sex try to think of other things (naming the states, football teams etc) to help yourself last longer. Maybe giving each other oral sex during foreplay (so as to get the first bullet out of the chamber) will also help you last longer.
Good luck, and dont worry so much dude - you'll be fine.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (3 August 2008):
 Well its tricky to answer because not all women like the same thing. I hate what i call schoolboy sex where the man bangs away as fast as he can until he gets somewhere. I like it slower and long strokes mixed with fast strokes. All you can do is take it slowly and think about her needs too, lots of foreplay to get her into the mood rather than just jumping straight in.
If she knows you are a virgin she will expect your first time to be a little nerveracking. And stop worrying about the size, the average is what 5 inches or so???
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