A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have just split up out of the blue after 7 months together. I say it came as a surprise but it shouldn't have done really. The past couple of months he hasn't wanted to touch me and has pushed me away if I have gone to hug him etc. Our sex life had become non-existent, with him saying he was tired from the gym etc and making out I was clingy if I sought any kind of affection fron him. When I tried to talk to him about how I felt he would just start shouting or get defensive. He virtually lived at my house for the last few months of our relationship, never contributing to the bills etc, and I finally met his son (his idea) and we all went on holiday together. People say he was just using me, but how can that be when we were making long term plans for a future together, and why would he suggest me meeting his son only to end things one month later? The way he ended it, he started a new job, started staying at his own place more and stopped answering my calls and texts. It came to a head after two weeks when he said he would come to see me to discuss things and then didnt turn up. I texted him the next day and he agreed to meet me again but then texted me to say he was tired and was going for a nap before work. I called him straight back and he switched his phone to voicemail. I lost it because I was very upset at being treated like this and went to his place. He opened the door and appeared very hacked off that I was there, and I asked him what the hell else was I to do if he wouldn't speak to me or answer my calls. He said he didnt have time for a relationship and was hoping I would finish with him.I had found texts from other women on his phone a few months prior and never said anything about them to him, and that prompted me to ask him if he had someone else. he replied that he didnt have time to fuck anyone else (his words not mine) but he would not look me in the eye when he said that. He told me that our relationship was a casual one, and I called him a liar because he had told me several times that it was serious and I had met his son, been on holiday etc. He then admitted he had told me it was serious, but that was only because he was telling me what I wanted to hear. I am left feeling very hurt and confused and he has refused since to answer any questions I have about the break up and there's loads of stuff I've thought of since that I'd like to ask. I feel I have had no closure and am left in this kind of limbo where I don't really know what his motives were for breaking up and if he was cheating. Can anyone shed any light on why he would do this so suddenly and if they think he was really cheating? Any advice re moving on and getting over this kick in the teeth would be appreciated also. Sorry it was so long-winded.thanx x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for replying. Things seem much clearer now. I have come to the conclusion that the only person who has to live with him being a total shit is him and if that is how he wants to live I wish him a lifetime of it. Am moving on with new resolve! Thanks again! Love C xxx
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (3 August 2008):
 I dont normally assume that men are cheating but this is so similar to a relationship I had and he WAS cheating.
We had our first row after 7 months or so because he was always at my house not his, spending all my money and not contributing anything, I ran up a huge overdraft (£1,500) to feed his kids and replace furniture his exwife had taken, always with the promise he would pay me when he got paid from his new job. That day came and he gave me £50. I was so insulted and had also noticed he had been spending less time with me and more at his own home when I refused to pay for everything. Due to that row he went out that night and met someone else and slept with her.
For four weeks I didnt really know until he stopped wanting sex and stopped telling me he loved me after sex. My intiution kicked in and I confronted him. He kept me hanging for weeks until I had to be the one to do the dumping as he was too much of a coward. I also found out he was actually bankrupt.
Move on and find someone who deserves you, dont let it get you down too much and think of it as a lucky escape. I am now happily married to a wonderful man who never used me but loves me for me not for money etc x
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