A
female
age
26-29,
*razylifeomg
writes:im 14 and like other teen girls i think about sex A LOT and i think im ready to have sex with my boyfriend but im scared of the pain or what could happen if we (Im) not carefull......you might think "oh all he wants is sex" not really i told him i wanted to wait until i was 18 and knew better and he said he's ok with that. We been dating snice Feb.12.11.i have a freak out when it comes to boys and i love to flirt and it kinda makes hard to know who i wanna have sex with.....but i know i wanna be more than the girl my boyfriend kisses but the girl he can have a emotionally and physically relationship with.i just dont know what to do with my kind of mind...i know i should wait but i really want to do it BAD!! but dont know if its the right choice
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): please wait? i know how tempting it could be but you are only 14! I'm not saying that you don't love your boyfriend or anything. Just take it from someone who lost it to early, it's something you want to be sure to save for someone you truly love. and you guys have only been together for what? 4 months? i suggest waiting until at least a year or so.
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (21 June 2011):
something to add if you don't it doesn't necessarily mean that he'll break up with you so don't feel pressured
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): Your body is still dealing with a massive influx of hormones that are biologically driving you to procreate. This is natural. Once upon a time, back when you might have considered humans and endangered species and life-spans were like 20 years, mating at such a young age was necessary.Now, with over 6 billion of us and counting, and life-spans reaching into the hundreds and beyond thanks to modern medical science, we no longer need to have sex so young for our species to survive.Look. No one can tell you when you are ready. You might be ready to have sex now and never regret it. But just be sure that whatever happens you do not live in regrets like some of the women here. Also understand there is a profound difference between making love and having sex.Make sure at least your first time is making love to someone you care about. The first time with anyone needs to be special in some way. The other times after that, can be anywhere and anything depending on the situation. Bu you only get one first time. So make sure you choose wisely.I go by this sentiment: If it feels like it is the most natural and best way to express how you feel about each other, to each other, then it's the right time.If you are doing it just to satiate a desire, then you may end up regretting it once the desire is satiated.Above all, play safe.Flynn 24
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female
reader, Rebeccaa  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 I was in the same position at your age, i was with my boyfreind for 8 months when he asked me to have sex with him, i didn't know what to say i, i did want to but i knew it was wrong. My friend talked me out of it, in the end i decided it would be better to wait. I'll tell you something i am damn well glad it didnt happen! The relationship ended extremely bad, it was very hard to get over him as we were together for a year, it would have been even harder if i would have had sex with him. He spread around school we had sex and did all the things possible but, i know its not true but if i would have done it i would have hated myself for it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): You shouldn't. You will regret it, and that I can guarantee you. Having a high sex-drive is something normal for teenage girls. You're curious, you want to try it all. But, come on, you've been dating this guy since February?! It's a little too early, if you want my opinion.Don't do something you'll regret later.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 No, it's the wrong choice, for the reasons all the Aunts gave you - and also because you are under the age of consent. You are not even supposed to have sex.
Maybe your bf is a minor too, maybe he is your same age- but that would save his a** only in the States who have the so called Romeo and Juliet laws,-in the others he can end in big trouble, if your parents or a teacher or some other adult catches you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): i really think you shouldn't waiting is better i can't explain why but so many things could go wrong but just please please don't my friend was 13 when she lost hers she thought she was "in love" with this boy a week later he dumped her and he was okay with waiting too but that isn't it sex changes people it changes a whole relationship it changes you! not in a good way but not bad either
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reader, angelDlite +, writes (20 June 2011):
 i lost mine at 14, which i regret lots and feel shit admitting it to anyone who asks me. i haven't seen the boyfriend for years even though at the time we were so sure we were meant to stay together for ever, we grew up and moved on. you are WAY TOO YOUNG and i am speaking as someone who has done the same and can tell you with the benefit of hind sight that it was a mistake. just wait til you are more grown up and know for definite that it is right and you want it. you will be glad you waited
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): I have to say to the person that said teens shouldn't be on this site is very wrong in saying that. I wish I had a site to go to at your age. I wouldn't have made so many poor choices if I had people to talk to with all different kinds of experience.
I lost my virginity when I was 14. We were both virgins. And I wish so bad that I could take it back. I was like you I had a very high sexual drive and I was with a boy I thought I loved and wanted him to feel special with me. How wrong I was in thinking any of that.
When we broke up he went around telling people that I was loose (if you know what I mean. If you don't than you definitely shouldn't be having sex). That is not a good feeling when you have people on the bus saying you are loose and making fun of you. I also had a friend that was sexually active and people knew about it. It didn't take long for a rumor to start that her and I and our BF's had a foursome (which is not true at all). He didn't feel more special because I gave him the gift of my virginity, no he didn't respect me at all. I was a fool and a child in thinking he would.
In the end I got a cheating BF, a bad reputation, a broken heart and many missed memories that I should have had instead of worry about sex and my BF. And to top off the whole great experience of sex when I was young, at 16 with a different BF I ended up pregnant.
I'm not saying this is going to happen to you, that any of it will, I'm just explaining the risks you take in having sex.
I had an abortion, but it was the worst and hardest decision I ever had to make. You don't ever want to end up in a position like that.
I always say never live with regrets because there is nothing you can do about it. The past is the past. But, that doesn't mean that if I could do it all over again that I wouldn't do it differently, because I so would.
I'm just saying all this because you need to take into consideration. Ask any women who lost her virginity young and see how many wished they would have waited. I bet all of them do. And then ask women who lost it when they were older and see how many of them are happy they waited. Because everyone is presented with the opportunity, it all comes down to if you act on it. I strongly suggest you wait. You will be happy with the decision in the end.
Hope this helped.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Think about it this way; are you ready to have a baby? are you ready to contract AIDS? Are you ready to give up what your husband-to-be later on will expect? And if you're not a virgin upon marraige what will yo tell him? " Oh gee well, I was just really horny so I gave it away"? It's THE most important decision you will make between now and marraige so think long and hard before you trash it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): I'm 14 too, and here are some consequences to sex that i have just off the top of my head. Unplanned pregnancy, STDs (I've met 14 year old guys who've done it multiple times, they could be carrying something) you've only been together for 5 months so if you got pregnant, the chances that you are going to stay together is very, very, small, if you got pregnant, you would have to tell your parents an possibly have an abortion at 14, where is your boyfriend going to get a condom without someone adding on to this list?
It may seem like you're ready, i get that, I've been there. i didn't do it with my boyfriend and we broke up two months later. It wasn't that he wanted sex or anything, we just were done with each other. The spark was gone, so to speak.
All i'm saying is before you do have sex, think about everything that can happen...at only 14.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): Wow! You actually have a boyfriend with the will and motivation to wait until you're 18...? Kudos to him. I would wait. So many girls your age are being PRESSURED to have sex at multiple levels (by other girls, boy, grown men etc).
It's not so-called sophisticated or politically correct to say this but sex at your age carries alot of weight and responsibility that you cannot handle fully just yet.
Just try to enjoy each others company, doing stuff you both like to do aside from sex and forget what (it seems) everyone is doing around you. There's alot of sadness that too many young girls are carrying around from the consequences of premature sexuality. You don't need that.
Sex will have enough power and influence in your life later. No need to rush it... Despite your feelings (and we were all there) you're really not missing much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): IMO teens should not be coming to this site, but since you are here I wish to pass on an opinion not of sexual technique and tittilation but of concern:
14 is far too young, and sex at your age is too distracting. Simple fact of the matter: girls usually receive the bulk of phycological harm and consequences when things go wrong. Sexuality is not just about orgasms and feelings. There are too many unpredictable factors you are not equipped to handle.
I work with teens daily so I've observed this again and again. Girls presenting with great emotional damage from having sex too early having had several partners, two or three abortions, etc by the time they are 20! None of this was anticipated in a world view that says: do what you feel is right, that feels good etc....
These's alot about teenage sexuality that ends up not 'feeling' too good. I've worked with teens who've have two unplanned pregnancies within a year. That did not 'feel' good. And was very distracting.
I've worked with girls sick with all kinds of side effects from birth control pills and the birth control shot. I just don't feel that all of this should be part of your landscape of thought and emotion at such a very young age. It's too hard on the body and the mind, though the popular culture only talks up the positives.
Sexuality and emotions are very complicated and while you may not see it now, you REALLY can afford to wait so as to be able to handle both better. You do not EVEN know yourself yet, and sexual expression at a very young age does not mature you. BUT it can harden you.
What will you be looking back upon at 25? Regret, too many partners, permenant damage to your reproductive organs etc.?
Sexuality in the early teens often confuses and the new feelings of passion and possession and affection can become distorted. Not to mention the risk of pregnancy, STDs, and emotional trauma, especially for young females. Sexual passions can be hard to deal with as an adult, double to for a person your age.
HPV (Human Papiloma Virus) is extremely high for girls in your age group. As is teen pregnancy despite birth control methods. At best this is all very distracting where you should be working on your core educationals skills toward the future.
Please wait if you can. Sex is actually better when you have a greater understanding of life, knowledge of self and that is not possible at 14 years of 'total' age. You'll make better choices when you are older with less risks.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 June 2011):
 if you think it's wrong and you are not sure then you are not ready.
IF you question if it's the right thing to do it's not time.
WHEN the time is right, there will be no question in your mind that it's time.... I lost my virginity at 14. I wish I had waited. My daughter lost hers at 15 and she too regrets it... Hindsight is 20/20... wait sweetie.... if you have to ask a bunch of strangers what to do, it's not time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): See if you can find one girl over the age of 18, who had sex at 15 or younger, and does not regret it looking back.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 You want sex, and that's alright. Nothing wrong with wanting sex. But... here's the thing, are you sure you want sex with this guy in particular? You've only been together some 4 months. I'm wondering if you aren't the one who only wants sex from him, if you understand what I mean. What makes you sure he's special to you, what makes you sure HE is ready? Maybe he wants to wait until he's 18 too? Did you talk to him about it? Maybe it is too soon for him to have sex with you, since it's only been 4 months. If things are rushed, your relationship will fall apart.
Things change after you have sex. It's an emotional act, not only a physical one. It brings you closer, but if one of you weren't ready it can end up pushing you apart.
I think that before you do anything, talk to him about it. See how comfortable you are talking about intimate and embarrassing things with him. It takes a certain amount of maturity to be able to deal with each other in a naked and vulnerable position, where it is quite easy to get hurt. One wrong comment and he might wonder if you think he is ugly, not good enough, too small (guys are obsessed with their penises), and you'll be wondering if you messed up, if the light makes you look bad, if he'll think you're too hairy, not good enough, not nice enoough body etc etc etc. It goes on and on, because people can be so insecure. And you don't evem know the beginning of all the pitfalls because you haven't experienced it yet.
You'll have to experience it at some point... Im just saying, are you sure now is the time? Can you communicate with him at a deeper level? Can you talk about intimate things? Can you talk to him about sex, if he's done it before, or what he's done, can you talk about STI's? Would you be comfortable speaking together to a doctor or school nurse about contraceptives and STI's? Are you mature enough that if you found something suspicious-looking at your intimate area, or his, you'd be able to talk to him about it and get checked?
Pregnancy is always a risk. It's not a high risk, once you are using contraception, and at your age preferably two types of contraceptives in case you make an error with the one (if the condom split it'd be nice to have a back-up in the form of birth control pills that you're already on).
You don't have to be ready for a baby to have sex, but you have to be mentally prepared for a pregnancy to happen, as it may. Thinking about where you stand in the question of abortions for example is one thing you should have thought about.
Not to mention, sex at your age is illegal most places in the world. The law doesn't think you're ready. Maybe you need to masturbate more to get the sexual desire toned down a notch?
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reader, chigirl +, writes (20 June 2011):
You want sex, and that's alright. Nothing wrong with wanting sex. But... here's the thing, are you sure you want sex with this guy in particular? You've only been together some 4 months. I'm wondering if you aren't the one who only wants sex from him, if you understand what I mean. What makes you sure he's special to you, what makes you sure HE is ready? Maybe he wants to wait until he's 18 too? Did you talk to him about it? Maybe it is too soon for him to have sex with you, since it's only been 4 months. If things are rushed, your relationship will fall apart.
Things change after you have sex. It's an emotional act, not only a physical one. It brings you closer, but if one of you weren't ready it can end up pushing you apart.
I think that before you do anything, talk to him about it. See how comfortable you are talking about intimate and embarrassing things with him. It takes a certain amount of maturity to be able to deal with each other in a naked and vulnerable position, where it is quite easy to get hurt. One wrong comment and he might wonder if you think he is ugly, not good enough, too small (guys are obsessed with their penises), and you'll be wondering if you messed up, if the light makes you look bad, if he'll think you're too hairy, not good enough, not nice enoough body etc etc etc. It goes on and on, because people can be so insecure. And you don't evem know the beginning of all the pitfalls because you haven't experienced it yet.
You'll have to experience it at some point... Im just saying, are you sure now is the time? Can you communicate with him at a deeper level? Can you talk about intimate things? Can you talk to him about sex, if he's done it before, or what he's done, can you talk about STI's? Would you be comfortable speaking together to a doctor or school nurse about contraceptives and STI's? Are you mature enough that if you found something suspicious-looking at your intimate area, or his, you'd be able to talk to him about it and get checked?
Pregnancy is always a risk. It's not a high risk, once you are using contraception, and at your age preferably two types of contraceptives in case you make an error with the one (if the condom split it'd be nice to have a back-up in the form of birth control pills that you're already on).
You don't have to be ready for a baby to have sex, but you have to be mentally prepared for a pregnancy to happen, as it may. Thinking about where you stand in the question of abortions for example is one thing you should have thought about.
Not to mention, sex at your age is illegal most places in the world. The law doesn't think you're ready. Maybe you need to masturbate more to get the sexual desire toned down a notch?
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reader, N91 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 I'd say it's a bad mistake, you're way too young, not to mention it being illegal.
I didn't have sex until I was 19, I waited for a special person and it was a pretty special experience made better by who it was with.
I know it will be hard, but wait it out and it'll feel much, much better than losing it as a kid! As Mandy said, do you really want to look back knowing you lost it age 14?
Good luck
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female
reader, rocker_grl_96 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 ok so i am 15 and i know exactly what your talking bout. there was a time once when my really good friend that i have known 4 a long time stayed the night at my house during spring break and long story short we were inches away from having sex, we didnt kiss or anything but we wrestled out on my trampoline at like midnight and we restarted the match when we went back inside and were laying on my bed watching a movie, sooooo when i look back on it now i am WAY glad we didnt do anything further because i wasnt on the pill, neither of us had a condom, and now that i am slightly older i realize if i would have gone through with it i would have been a total slut honestly. but of course that doesnt change the fact that i had/have a lot of sexual frustration. teenage years are the most stressfull in your entire life so you tend to be realllly sexually frustrated. what helped me alot is that i had/have a tendency to masturbate......alot.......like 2 times a night generally.....it helps a lot if you have a vibrator or in my case a back massage that works just as well but if you have a good imagination you can just use fingers as well
so i hope i was of some use :) chat with me if you need any further help :)
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reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 June 2011):
 hmmm iguess it could go two ways the sex can be amazing the first time or a complete disappointment... in my opinion when you gotta sneak around its not as fun.. you wouldnt even be able to tell anybody about it. I think you should wait untill you know a little bit more about life and yourself.If you start having sex at 14 you may regret it when your older..also i dont think people should start having sex untill their old enough to take care of them selves.. you could get pregnant,yeah theres preventive measures but nothings 100% effective 100% of the time... At your age your going to get all hot and bothered thats natural but theres ways to deal with that without having sex i wont go into details but im sure you can figure it out... any ways good luck with whatever you decide
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reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (20 June 2011):
 HI
I understand how your feeing, us women have quite a high sex drive at this age, even though we dont know the meaningg of it untill we try. However this would be a very BIG mistake at your age, and could damage your reputation and self esteam greatly. It's natural to have these urges at your age, you wouldn't be human if you didn't. He has said his willing to wait, and I would stick to the plan 14 is far far too young. When the time is truely right it will be amazing for you both, but right now it wont be, as you will both be tense, nervous,scared which would make it very painful for you. When you loose your virginity it's the most sacred thing of your body, when you loose that you never get it back. You have the rest of your life for sexual encounters, why rush it now? However if you decide you still want to go ahead with this make sure his is wearing protection, or it will be more than loosing your virginity to worry about hun.
xx
P.S when you get older and look back do you want to remember loosing your virginity at 14? or be pleased you waited untill 18?
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reader, galdegir  +, writes (20 June 2011):
6 months into a relationship isn't fairly long to be deciding about being intimate especially at your age young lady. Besides the obvious nasties (std's if without protection) also risking pregnancy and at your age your far too young to be wanting to be sexually involved with a boy try to abstain from it until your older or married. Your also not legal so depending on how old the boy is you could be setting him up for ALOT of trouble with the law from your parents.
It isnt the right choice your still a child wait atleast until your 18 or until you find a boy/man at 18 who you are genuinely in love with first or plan on marrying 6mth relationship at 14 thats puppy love sweetheart and you shouldnt be trying to be sexually involved at such a young age.
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reader, cuteandchic93  +, writes (20 June 2011):
If you both feel right doing it, just do it! If you it doesn't feel wrong for both of you, do it. It's gonna be beautiful if you both are convinced it's the right choice and time.
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