A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started a job 3 months ago the same time as a male colleague who is a few years older than me. Over time we have chatted and I have found myself attracted to him. I get from his body language that he likes me too. He gazes at me when he talks or he will come over to me and talk nonsense just so he can speak to me. The problem is he is married with 3 children. I have to shut my feelings off for him and act as though they don't exist. He makes things awkward as I will walk in the office and I catch him staring at me or he will go in to the kitchen when I go. I don't think he is happy at home as he moans about his children and how much they cost and he sighs at how he has the children on his own at weekends as his wife works shifts. Today I got flustered as he came near me, I know I cannot involved but how can I deal with this knowing he fancies me too. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Honestly he is having a moan to you, but that does not mean he wants to have a bit off extras on the side. It might mean he is unhappy because he never sees his wife, he spends the weekends alone with the children and he sounds fed up. He probably enjoys the flirting with you, but I doubt he would go any further unless off course he is provoked. Stay away from him, if he stares at you ignore him. Be professional and polite and hold back on being to friendly with him.
A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (6 March 2017):
You have 3 choices:1)Cold showers/find someone else to f**k!2)Work somewhere else!3) Go for it! Have a big pile of dirty sex with a married man. A married man with 3 children. See how good it feels. Or you could take it from one who knows; DESPICABLE! And what if the affair carries on, and you fall in love with him. All the excuses you make up to justify what you're doing. Knowing you can't ever actually have a life with him because he will never leave his wife. They never do.You will only ever be left alone and heartbroken, with all your friends saying 'I told you so.'And the worst part is, you knew it would destroy you, and you went for it anyway, because you couldn't resist!Please just go and work somewhere else. It's safer and kinder and the best choice!good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (5 March 2017):
 Stop the dang PRESS... Husband looks after his own children when the wife goes off to work! What will these men whinge about next to get a pretty colleagues attention?
Girl this guy is or maybe coming on to you, sucking you in, bitching about looking after his kids, belittling his wife - it smells pathetic and one-sided! Hello Red Flag number 2, seeking sympathy from an outsider - you.
It sure sounds like he can't afford a bit on the side (an affair) anyway, when the kids cost so much already, let alone the cost of a divorce if you don't nip these fantasy feelings in the bud.
You deal with your feelings by telling yourself he's not available, pure and simple! Red Flag number one is he's married and flirting.
CAA
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 March 2017):
 You can deal with this by thinking of his children and his poor wife who has to look after the children all week while her husband is flirting in the office with young female colleagues.
If you start an affair with him (which I hope you have the sense, strength and moral standards not to do), his wife will probably find out (as they tend to). You could lose your job as, if she comes to confront you at work, all your colleagues will learn about what you did and your life may not be very comfortable afterwards.
It is strange that you don't find his complaining about looking after his own children a turn-off. For me it would be but we are all different.
In your shoes I would always remind myself that I have no right to get involved with this man. He is not free. Yes, you may be attracted to each other, but you are human beings and capable of exercising self control. Chat to him like you would to any other colleague but do not let it go any further otherwise 3 children could find themselves without a father as a result and you could find yourself in the middle of a messy divorce.
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