A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm emotional troubled. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. I got with him right after I broke up with my ex. Our relationship is so dull and boring. We can't even hold up a 10 min conversation on the telephone. So in the end I've been thinking about my ex alot lately and he's been thinking about me. We been talking about getting back together if we break up with our partners. So how do I explain this easily to my b/f??
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): WHY did you split up with your ex in the first place? You probably met this one far too soon after the split, which makes him a rebound jobby. Yet, your ex won't of changed, he will still be the same and the reason for splitting could be the key question to whether you should go back. I always say, never go back, they never ever change. Have a good long chat with your new bloke. Maybe do a hobby together. He might not be a talker, some people aren't, they prefer to listen. Give him a chance and get all thoughts of your ex out of your head. Don't consider going back there. If you are not happy with your bloke and it cannot be put right, then split, and spend some time on your own. It isn't the end of the world to be on your own without a bloke. Blokes are not a MUST HAVE thing!!!! When you spend time on your own, it is very rewarding. You discover a side to yourself that is very rewarding, but never lurch from one bad relationship into another and back again.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Loads of issues here...your current BF is rebound guy; the nursing blanket to cover the hurt from separating from your ex. It doesn't sound like you are compatible really and it is just plain cruel to keep the relationship dragging on if he disinterests you. There are girls out there who will find him interesting and guys out there who will find you interesting too. As for your ex, don't split up with current BF because of him - split up because you two are not a good match. If you split for the ex and it doesn't work out with your ex (again) then you will just feel bitter. You may find your ex exciting in the context of your current boredom but you pair did split up once already and that is not a good sign for a long-term future together. Why not spend some time being single? You can have some space to figure out what you want and independence is just great sometimes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): If you’re having trouble tolerating 'dull' moments with him, then it is time to leave. The sooner the better. It's apparent, you don't love him. And you need to be honest about that. Usually, people that are in love tend to look beyond minor quirks/annoyances and are able to see the bigger picture and work hard at their relationship. Comfortable silences and boring moments do happen, a lot in many great love relationship but it's usually accepted and overlooked because strong feelings and committment is the glue that binds a couple together. It's simply unfair that he's hanging in there when he could be freed-up, to finding someone who can give him that type of cherishment and love. If you do break it off, do it quickly and as compassionately as possible. As for the ex bf that you want to reconnect with. You really, really need to be honest about your motivations. Why do you want back in his life? Have you forgotten why you broke up in the first place? Do you sincerely love him or does he represent a temporary newness, fun and excitement to you? Or simply put...maybe, you and the ex could be just two people who are simply 'meant' to be together. You lost your way for a year and both of you have realized that the 'love' is still there. But before you go rushing to him, give your own motivations a lot of thought. Perhaps you may need to go solo for awhile and not keep 'rebounding'. Look into yourself and really understand that feelings are just feelings but when you add rationale and careful thought with it--a whole new perspective may jump out at you. Sometimes, instant rebounding is a warning sign that we need to look within and figure out why a one is flitting from relationship to relationship. Really think about how you felt when you were with the ex bf and why you two broke it off in the first place. I'm not saying what you are doing is wrong. But sometimes when boredom hits a relationship, one does look for love from others for all the wrong reasons..when it was right there under their nose in the first place. Just give this some thought before 2 good people (his gf and your bf) get hurt. Good luck, dear and take care.
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A
female
reader, Lia +, writes (23 March 2007):
 There's honesty and then there's hurting someone's feelings. It's never necessary to do the latter. I would suggest you tell your boyfriend that you're simply not happy in the relationship anymore (that is what it boils down to, after all).
If, on the other hand, you blatantly spell out that you can't hold a 10min conversation with him or that the relationship is dull, the danger is that he might assure you that he will change or that the two of you will work at it. You have to be straight forward (but gentle) when you tell him that you don't want to try to make things work and that you feel like you're ready to move on.
As for your ex, only get together with him once you have both split from your current partners. Remember, if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you! Rather ensure that you're both single before you get together - being single for a short while will also clarify that:
a) you both are happy that you've broken up with your partners, and
b) you're still interested in pursuing a relationship together.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Dear anonymous writer,
Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and explain to him how you think he is boring and what you want to change with him...i think if you do decide to break up with him for your ex you should honestly wait, dont jump right back to him give yourself time alone and to think about all the things that has been bothering you.
you also have to know if your ex is really going to break it off with his girlfriend he is with now, and see how he feels about her..
good luck with everything
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