A
male
age
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*tewarty
writes:hi just found out the guy my wife lost her virginty to was my 2nd cousin after 22 years of married life when she blurted out his name by mistake i asked her his name and found out he had a bigger penis and said she was sorry had i known this i would never had married her but i have 3 girls to her she swears she did,t know we were kin and to be honest i really never seen him it was my late dad who said his dad and where cousins
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (25 June 2011):
she,s not with him is she she is with you. stop worrying over something pointless. is it really worth it after 22 yrs of marriage?
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male
reader, stewarty +, writes (25 June 2011):
stewarty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe answers were good as this is for a friend of mine who does not want to be known and he thanks you for the good responce he got
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A
female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Does it matter to you that your wife lost her virginity to another guy, well if it does then why did you marry her at the first place? I don't see why you have a big deal out of this. She chose you. From what I know women don't usually like a very big penis. You should take your wife as she is since it happened before she even met you...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 What is it that if you had known you would never had married her ? that she was not a virgin ? that she had lost her virginity to your second cousin ? That he had a bigger penis than yours ?... If it was so important to know, you should have asked. 22 years ago.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Nothing really adds up here. What's really bothering you? The fact that she lost her virginity to someone else before you? Or that fact that that someone else is your cousin? Or that he has a bigger penis?Look, its very weird that all this just comes out all of a sudden. A girl would NEVER just "blurt" something out like this, unless she really wanted to hurt the guy. She cant just decide after 22 years of marriage to tell you this. I mean, what did she even say? Honey, I lost my virginity to your cousin. And oh..he had a bigger penis.That's ridiculous!! Either all this was said during a fight in a horrible fit of anger or there has to be something more to it.In any case, there's nothing you can do now except look at this logically. She got the better man to be her husband and has spent 22 years with him. You cant just lose to a bigger penis! how does that even matter? Difficult as it is, for the sake of all that you have now, move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Oh, who cares! She's been with you to 22 years and you're worried that you have a small dick! WTF! Grow up and love this woman! She's put up with your shit for 22 years and you are making her feel bad about this???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Just an fyi, most women dislike larger penises. They prefer average sized ones. Ones that are too small or too large can be incredibly hard to work with and at times even painful
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): In all honesty aren't you alittle old to feel this insecure about your 'willy' considering the fact that she had sex with this guy 22 years ago? I am frankly amazed that after all those years of wedded bliss you could possibly get hung up on this. Sorry but I think you're being very silly.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 There will always be someone with a bigger one, better muscles, taller physique, smaller butt, cuter nose, tighter abs and a more handsome face. What the hell are you fretting about? She chose you and gave you children! Shut up and take care of your family!!!
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I gather from the other responses that I was not alone in wondering about this situation. It honestly doesn't make sense for several reasons.
Now, I am the first to admit that truth can be stranger than fiction, so I will respond in good faith.
First of all, when a woman tells her husband or even boyfriend that the person to which they lost their virginity has a larger penis, it is usually yelled as they are being physically separated in the lawyer's office. It is to insults what Michael Jackson was to pop, kinda way up there at the top. It has a very specific and well-known goal of making the guy feel emasculated (less like a man) and inferior.
A man never really needs to be told that information. In fact, it is a good example of when a lie can be a constructive thing. :-)
I thought about giving an equivalent that could be said to a woman, but that might be dangerous.
Therefore what I find almost impossible to understand, is why your wife would choose to tell you that DIRECTLY AFTER doing one of the other biggest no-no's possible, which is blurting out another person's name during sex. BUT WAIT, it get's even better! Sandwiched between those two gems she decided to tell you that she also lost her virginity to this guy?!?!?!
Does she hate your guts?!
Why do YOU think your wife decided to tell you something that was totally irrelevant, unnecessary, and yet so damaging? Something that has the inevitable result of making you feel insecure?
Now, on to another matter. You are in your forties. You have been with your wife for decades, and even have three kids with her. I find it very troubling that your kids are seemingly so much less important than the fact that your wife had sex with a cousin you didn't even know before she was even with you. He really is a non-factor in all of this, unless there is more to the story. It doesn't sound like he has been around much if at all.
He is not even a first cousin for Christ's sake!
***I am gonna go ahead and say it. I have noticed you responding to the questions of others, and you seem somewhat reasonable. It really is great whenever someone takes the time to respond in good faith to a question. And I would hate to think that something was not legit about a question. I am not saying that is the case, but I also think it is very odd that you even care at all that it was a distant relative over two decades ago. And even more odd that your wife told you something as ridiculous as him having a larger penis. To top it all off, your saying you wouldn't even have married her, and therefore not have your three children, really begs for some further explanation.***
And please forgive me if I am less than understanding of what you are going through. It is just a lot to wonder about.
In closing, what is it that you want advice in figuring out?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 June 2011):
 What is it that troubles you here? Is it she wasn't a virgin when she married you? Is it that he had a larger penis that you? Or is it that it was a 'cousin'?
Thanks for clarifying.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Why does it matter? How do you know is penis was bigger, and again, why does this matter?
It's about as crucial as the colour of the hair of the first boy she ever kissed.
What does it matter to you? Explain. Are you worried of something? Having the information, or not having the information, does it affect your marriage, your sex life, your relationship with your cousin? If you hardly ever see him then that relationship isn't affected by this. After 22 years, you have nothing to worry about in terms of your marriage. You knew she wasn't a virgin when you married her, right, so she didn't tell you no lies.
Why does this matter so much that had you known you wouldn't have married her? It seems to be over-reacting and well beyond. Sort out why this matters, and then find a way to accept it. Figure out if you want to let this ruin what you have in your marriage, or if you want to face reality and see that it really doesn't matter what so ever and deal with it in those terms.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 I find it really, really odd, that after 22 years your wife just up, out of the blue and for no reason at all blurted out
"the person I lost my virginity was John Smith and he had a bigger penis than you!
So, whats the real problem here, the fact your wife of 22 years and mother of your children blurts out information about stuff that happened before your 22 years of marriage for no reason, or the fact some guy has a bigger penis?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 June 2011):
 What the hell? How did she blurt out his name? And how did the conversation come up about her losing her virginity? And OMG...what the hell difference does it possibly make what size his penis is???
Come on, after 22 years, you still sound like an insecure 14 year old. She has devoted the best and strongest years of her life to you, given you three daughters and a good life. You would really never have married her if her first had a bigger penis? Good lord.
What do you value? What does it matter? Did she lie and tell you she was a virgin when she married you? That would be a big issue, but if she didn't lie and you knew she wasn't a virgin, then this is nothing. And did you ask her if his penis size is big? WHY?! Again, this pre-adolescent penis-measuring crap is no reason to break up a good marriage.
He may have had a bigger penis, but you're the better man. She married you.
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