Is my boyfriend tired of me?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships

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Question - (24 June 2011)

5 Answers - (Newest, 25 June 2011)

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months now and lately I feel like he doesn't want me around. I'm home for the summer since I was away at college and now that I'm home I would think things would be perfect because we couldn't see each other before.

Now were constantly arguing over petty small things. Hes constantly finding faults in me. Its so many things I even created a list everytime he finds something wrong with me I add it to the list.

1st, he says I don't consider his feelings and I'm not sure why, because I'm always trying to make sure I don't say anything wrong that would bother him.

2nd, he says I'm self centered not exactly sure why he says this. When I ask how he won't give me a example.

3rd, he gets mad because I fall asleep when we get to his house at night. I can't help it if im tired, it be during the hours of 11pm to 2am who wouldn't fall asleep! Now I've made it a point to not fall asleep no matter how sleepy I am.

4th, he says I'm scared to talk to his family. Which was true I am a very shy person. When I come around people I dont know I get nervous and start shaking. I've been tryin to work on it by holding conversations with his mom.

5th, he says I act like I'm scared to touch him involving sex. Again I am shy and at first it was hard for me to make the first move to get him aroused. All my life I never had to make the first move and I've been working on it.

6th, he says I have a bad attitude. I don't think this is true because I don't give an attitude until i'm given one. I always try to make sure it doesn't seem like i'm mad or have a attitude because I have been told I look mean.

7th, he gets mad because I cry easily. I'm a emotional person and when things bother me or I get angry I cry.

8th, recently hes been saying I talk to much. When I met him he had a problem because I was so quite. now its a issue. The other day he went off and yelled at he "can you please just shut up, just shut up" when he did that I wanted to cry because it hurt but I held it in because I knew it would make things worse. Instead I just tried being more quite. And now that I'm being more quite he assumes I have a attitude. So I don't know if I should talk or just be quite.

9th, he says i'm a sensitive baby. I guess because I cry easily when he does something wrong towards me I tell him he hurt me. Before him I used to just hold me feelings in and either cry or write about to get it out. But keeping it to myself doesn't help the situation.

And last night he made me feel so unwanted. We were hanging out and one of his friend called him and he told him that he could come over. I felt a certain type of way because I thought it was our time I didn't want his friend there while I was there and watch them play video games. Thank goodness his friend never called him back. Later on out of no where he says "I'm going to the waffle house with my friend."

That bothered me because we just pulled up to his house and were about to go inside. I didn't mind if he went out with his friend but to dump me to go to the waffle house after he asked me if he were hanging out for the rest of the night.

When I told him it was messed up he got mad and said, "I won't go". I said I'm leaving because now your going to have a attitude. I can tell I'm not wanted. And when I told him how it hurt me he said I was too sensitive. Then after I bi***ed about it then he apologizes and says let me make it up to you. I wouldn't be mad if he didn't do it in the first place. I never pick out his faults or try to hurt him. It just seems like hes always doing that to me.

I feel like I can't be myself around him. I have to make sure I don't say the wrong thing or talk to much. Is he tired of me? or is it just me?

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A female reader, jellybeans20009 +, writes (25 June 2011):

Your question should not be "is my boyfriend tired of me?" it should be "I am going to dump this jerk, what are some good ways to do it?". All those things you just listed were horrible, awful things he did/said.

He should NOT be putting you down and degrading you no matter what.

It is really, extremely difficult to think of separating your romantic feelings toward a person you're in a relationship with and how you feel about them as a friend, person, etc. But it is of the utmost importance, like in your case right now.

Do you feel like this is love? The degradation, the verbal abuse? No, it definitely is not. As hard and painful as this may sound, you need to break up with him. You need to dump him. Why? Because he is not good enough for you. All this time I read you saying how you think you're too this and you're scared to do that. You're tip toeing around this guy.

Honey, this is not a life that is meant for anyone to live.

Love yourself. That's the love you need to find. As cheesy and cliched as it sounds, you need to love yourself. You are worth so much more than how he's treating you.