A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating the love of my life for 4 months. I am an extremely introverted person, but felt extremely comfortable with him from day 1. The connection that we share is indescribable. He is the sweetest, most loving man that I have ever met and I cant imagine not having him in my life. Things have been absolutely amazing until now. I found out he is married. He travels for months at a time for work, so I had absolutely no inclination. I even asked him jokingly when I met him and found out he traveled for work.....the answer was "no." This weekend he just got up from bed and I sent him a loving text only to look over at his phone and see my name come up as a man's name. I questioned it and he immediately broke down in tears and was apologizing. My head knows that I should run like hell. It torments me to think that I am ruining his wife's life. On the other hand, I have never felt love like this and cant imagine leaving. He makes me happier than I have ever been.What do I do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2019): I've been with my married man for almost 6 years. And he's still manipulating me to stay tangled in his web. 6 years later! I wish I was you only four months in. I wish I had left sooner knowing all the damage he has caused me and my self worth. Loving a man who can never/will never be yours is a depth of self destruction I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm no longer the happy girl I used to be. Now I feel used up, worthless and tired.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2019): Girl, I get it. Same with me around the same time. The thing is we were both married so I feel double shitty. Snd I actually had to end it. My husband neglected me so bad it just all became unglued. She neglected him according to him. I was more ashamed at the fact I was the mistress.than a cheater.i was in bliss with him.regardless and so was he and that's why we kept.going back, but the sneaking around and rushing around got too risky in a small town. My advice to you, unless he actually making moves to leave his wife, he wont. Mine flat out admitted the stand I flat out admitted I wouldn't leave either. It's just a side relationship with no progress.i know this is hard to heat bc it was for me too. I told him that it's over. I left contact one bc I feel we are adult enough to respect this and we have. But really think about where it's going, if anywhere. I have so much regret right now. Dont do that.
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A
male
reader, Rhinocerous +, writes (30 January 2019):
 Look, we all get it, you've found yourself in a very tough spot and it wasn't your fault. Now you're torn because the selfish "me" side of you wants what has been making you so happy, but the moral and realistic side of you knows what you need to do. We know you were hoping you would be encouraged to continue it here, but it also shows you're a decent person by the fact you know this is wrong and have struggled with it.
You know what the only right thing to do is. Tell him you're ending it not just because he's married, but also because he lied to you about it. Neither of those situations is tolerable. That's the only way you get out of this with self-respect and no matter what you do, you won't get out of this with him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 January 2019):
 This is a no brainer. Is the dream man of you life a LIAR and a CHEATER?
Im pretty sure the answer is no. That's not the man of your dreams.
Im introvert too, but I put honesty and loyalty on a pretty darn high pedestal.
Who cares about his wife, he lied to YOU and cheated on YOU.
I'd kick his ass out of there and throw his clothes in the mud and let him do the walk of shamed naked.
I'd hate him even more for having the nerve to make me fall head over heels for him. If I didn't care about him at all, I probably wouldnt have minded. But if I loved him? I'd scratch his eyes out and curse him to a certain place.
But hey, that's just me. You do what you gotta do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2019): Typo correction:
"How would you feel being in his wife's shoes?"
It feels good for now. The karma and misery comes in a couple of years down the road; while you're still his side-piece, and she's still his wife.
Cheating-husbands with mistresses are usually quite dominant over the women they cheat with. He convinces her he loves her. They are narcissists adept at manipulating women. He loves sex spiced and tainted with cheating; and paying tribute to his enormous ego. Those women are no angels; and like feeling prized above his wife. They'll do what his wife won't do in bed. He'll convince her to.
I echo the question. Do you want to be that kind of woman?
One woman isn't enough, and he feels he deserves women on the side while away from his wife. His narcissism makes him feel he has a right to do it.
If he travels a lot; be sure to get a full-battery of tests for STD's! Most cheaters don't bother using condoms. Not consistently anyway! They can get women to do whatever they want them to do. They are well-practiced players!
Why am I telling you? You know first-hand!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2019): He makes you happier than you've ever been; while being a cheating dog on his wife! Doesn't that duality demonstrate to you what he's capable of? You're going to dig a deep hole for yourself.
Now you know it's all an act to get sex! To keep you eager to please him and willing to cooperate with his scheme to cheat on his wife. Of course, he's going to say his marriage is bad.
Why did he deceive you? He's both a liar and a cheater!
He's benefiting two-ways. You're his secret side-piece and she's the woman who upholds his standing in his community. He's the upstanding married family-man. He even deceived you into thinking he was single. Now you feel okay about helping cheat on his wife...because it feels good.
He has dragged you down to his level. What should you do about it? You shouldn't have to ask.
What if he were your husband? How wpu;d you feel being in his wife's shoes? Now that you know, what does that tell you about your values and self-respect?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 January 2019):
 OP, unless you have no morals and no conscious then you already know what to do. I will ask you this. If this was your husband and you found out he was cheating on you and lying to you, how would you feel? Have you put yourself in his wife's shoes? Shes probably a nice lady, trusting in her husband, loving him thinking that she is the only woman in his life. Do you care that you are taking him away from her? AGAIN..put yourself in her place.
He's a liar, a cheater and god knows what else. Is this how you want to live? Ok, you didn't know at first that he was married. NOW YOU DO.
What do you do? You tell yourself you deserve better and you end it. Its just that simple. You haven't invested years in this and it shouldn't be that hard especially when you stop and think about what this man is like.
Who cares if he cried? Crocodile tears. He will say or do almost anything to get you keep going on in the affair. Think about all the nights he is with HER..he isn't yours to have or to keep. Don't you want your OWN man??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2019): I left, its over
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2019): He's a liar and a cheat. Eventually he will do the same to you. Leave now before it becomes any harder than it already is.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 January 2019):
 If you are torn, perhaps you could ask his wife what you should do. I am sure she will not mince her words.
Sweetheart, he is not free to offer you anything except occasional casual sex when he is in the area. You deserve more, as does his wife.
You know now what you want in a man. Find one who can offer that without the heartache of a wife in the background. I wonder if his wife feels the same about him as you do. Imagine if YOU were his wife and he was doing this to you.
Problem is, you will NOT walk away until you are ready. Something will have to tip you over the edge. Either his wife will find out or you will need him (say you fall ill) and he won't be able to be there because he will have to be with his wife. I'd like to think you can be strong and walk away but, sadly, I doubt you will do that immediately.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 January 2019):
 How could you possibly need advice here?
Leave. It’s the most simple thing ever.
This isn’t love. Not even close. The guy is screwing you behind his wife’s back, you’re saved under a mans name in his phone, you’re a dirty little secret. Okay so he lied to you, you never knew, but now you do! Why are you questioning it? The guy is a sleaze, liar, cheater. How could you ‘love’ someone like that? He betrays the woman he’s married to, do you honestly think he wouldn’t drop you like a bad habit if she found out? If he wanted to leave her he would of done already.
What you have isn’t special. It’s a convenience for him, it’s no strings attached sex when he’s working away. All he has to do is sweet talk you and you go weak at the knees. You know he’s a scumbag and he’s still got you debating what to do, that’s some real game he must have.
It’s really simple. Just ask yourself: ‘Would I be okay with someone sleeping with my husband?’ Make your decision accordingly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2019):
 You KNOW what to do.
You might just not be willing to do the right thing. Because YOU benefit from having this man in your life... or so you think.
Is your happiness worth another woman's misery? It's build on LIES and DECEIT, OP.
If you think he won't lie to you like he does to his wife, you ALREADY know he has lied to you. SO what if he "cried"? He cried because he got caught! Because now you can see what a piece of SHIT he really is. HOW would YOU feel if he was YOUR husband fucking some other woman?
He started an affair on FALSE premise and promise. HE really has NOTHING but his dick and sweet talking to offer you.
You are 36-41? Shouldn't you know better?
It's been 4 months. It's not like you know him all that well yet. BUT why do this to yourself? WHY "sell" yourself short? To a guy who really has nothing to offer?
You want to be THAT kind of woman?
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