A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online about a year ago, he lives an hour away from me. He kept messaging me about how beautiful and hot I was and said he wanted something fun and non committal. I said I wasn't looking for that and wished him luck in finding it. A few months later, he reached out again and said he wished that we had met in person. Once again, I told him I wasn't looking for casual sex but he said he just wanted to meet me, even as friends. So I agreed and we had a lovely "friend date". Turns out, we actually have a lot in common and there was definite flirting and chemistry but he was a perfect gentleman then entire time.We kept texting regularly and agreed to meet up again but then he said he stated seeing someone casually. He said I deserved to know because he thinks I'm amazing and deserve a guy who be fully committed to me. I thanked him for being up front with me and wished him the best. I thought that was the end of that but then he messages me and says that he may forever regret this decision because he really likes me and wants to see me again. I'm confused, if wanted to see me, he would see me instead of this other girl... right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2019): Run a mile honey - Read his actions, not just his words. His actions are: not coming to see you when he says he wants to, he is sleeping with someone else casually and he keeps pulling you back in because he is loving the game of having a 'hot' little mouse to chase. The language he uses is from someone who is not thinking beyond physical attraction. As soon as someone says 'hot' / 'fit' whatever, they are being very shallow and not actually complimenting song they know about you that is deeper. It is all very quick and easy for him to say things like that rather than to take the time to say 'I think you are really beautiful, especially when you wear your blue necklace' - or whatever. That is a man with substance and that is a man that wants to invest his time, energy and effort into you and therefore more likely to be a guy that you can also invest into yourself.He is not the only man on the planet that will compliment you and connect with you. Just block him - completely, so you are not tempted. He will soon get bored and you can focus your attention elsewhere - like on your lovely self! A man finds a woman much more attractive if he can see she can look after herself, rather than depend ona relationship for that.Wishing you the very best darling - don't waste your time on him x
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (29 January 2019):
 I know how a male mind works. TRUST what he’s telling you that you deserve better.
He wants to sleep with you and nothing more. I think he told you he was sleeping with someone to get a reaction out of you, maybe for you to ‘step up’ and take his attention from this ‘other female’.
You want a relationship, he wants sex. This is like putting a square block into a round hole.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2019): You were on one side of the scale; and another prospect was on the other. He wanted to see who would put-out first. The scale leaned more toward the other; because you said from the get-go, sex just isn't happening and you don't do casual-sex. So, although you laid it out straight for him; he knows he's a charmer, and he'd put a dent in your armor.
Well, the other prospect fell-off the scale; and he already gave you his best game. He could tell you were charmed and he made sure he left a lasting impression.
He's back! I'd say the scale is now leaning your way, and the tray on the other side is empty.
He don't want to be friends. He wants to raid your panties!
Give it a pass, girlfriend!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2019):
 Amen to all that Tisha said.
Don't IGNORE all the red flags because you WANT this guy to WANT you or because you are apparently desperate to "reform" this loser.
My guess is that he actually started to see this other chick to get you to worry, maybe even give in at some point.
YES, if he REALLY liked you he would WANT something MORE than casual. And he wouldn't start seeing other women.
TELLING you about the other woman was NOT for you benefit, but for his. To h show you just how easily you are "replaced". He keeps in contact to have you as his back up plan.
If you WANT an ACTUAL relationship with an ACTUAL BF, he isn't it and you are wasting your time trying to convince him otherwise... and WHILE you are wasting your time on this dude... you are missing potential good guys. Who are into you for you, who are willing to "invest" in you emotionally not just physically.
Just block and move on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 January 2019):
 “You are hot and beautiful” translation “you look like someone I’d like to have sex with.
“I want something fun and noncommittal” I want fun sex without stress, strings or background checks.
“he wished that we had met in person.” His other NSA prospects didn’t pan out so he will keep you on his NSA potential list.
“Once again, I told him I wasn't looking for casual sex” and this was when you should have just blocked him.
but “he said he just wanted to meet me, even as friends. So I agreed and we had a lovely "friend date".
Translation, he was getting desperate and figured as you didn’t block him, he had a chance.
Turns out, we actually have a lot in common and there was definite flirting and chemistry but he was a perfect gentleman then entire time. (He’s waiting for that NSA stuff and is hoping you’ll be waiting for his attention again.
We kept texting regularly and agreed to meet up again but then he said he stated seeing someone casually.
Translation: “I have a NSA sex partner and I’m good but I would be so happy if you hang around so when she’s gone I have another prospect in the pipeline.”
He said I deserved to know because he thinks I'm amazing and deserve a guy who be fully committed to me.
[Erm, aren’t you? And if you haven’t received his very clear message: HE’S NOT THE GUY!!!!]
I thanked him for being up front with me and wished him the best. I thought that was the end of that but then he messages me and says that he may forever regret this decision because he really likes me and wants to see me again.
Translation: “Here’s my last little try to keep you in the NSA queue.”
I'm confused, if wanted to see me, he would see me instead of this other girl... right?
—-You aren’t confused on this. If he wanted you as his girlfriend, he’d try to make that happen.
Girl. Why is this even at issue? He’s a sad ass player. Not worth your time!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 January 2019):
 He just wants casual sex. You are holding out for more. Your agendas are different.
He is dating someone who is happy with a casual relationship. You have made it clear you are worth better.
Don't crumble. You have made it clear what you want. It is no less than you deserve.
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