A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been happily married for ten years. I thought I knew of all my wife's past sexual partners and some details, even the ones she cheated on me with, but I got past all that and have not had any problems. Recently, I found out about 2 friends with benefits she had (not to mention I know them both). The time frame seems to be around when we were dating. I know this is all in the past, but it is tearing me up. How do I deal with this? Please help.
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male
reader, shoccs  +, writes (17 February 2011):
How come your still with her? Hahaha bra its like she settled for you after playing the field dont you have any dignity? Wow i bet she has cheated on you all through your ten yrz.
A
female
reader, LoviesBrknHeart  +, writes (16 February 2011):
People change everyday.. Sometimes as human beings, we do things out of selfishness and for our own satisfaction.. keep in mind that it happened during a time when u and her were only options for eachother n not the sure thing.. today u both r eachothers sure thing.. personally i'd still be mad/upset that she cheated WHILE being married/exclusive.. but the past is the past as far as the levels of commitment.. hope that helps :)
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A
male
reader, nononsense  +, writes (16 February 2011):
Wow! It would be very easy for me to say don't think about it, forgive, forget, blah blah blah. I can tell you I would be very angry, I'd want to keep asking why, and expect a constant explanation from my wife if I found out something like that. I'm pretty sure that's where you are right now brother but consider this, people change. You didn't explain how you found out, or if your wife's old FBs are still a part of your lives, but people change. That was yesterday. Its not the sex but the betrayal that is bothering you. You are both older and have grown out of that. I'm sure your wife realized you are the best thing that has ever happened to her and has felt remorse for the poor choice she made early in your relationship. Let it go. I'm not sure if I would have the discipline as suggested by Leodjoneluv, but I would certainly try. Tell your wife you are hurting very much over this. If she says she has thought about it a lot and is sorry, then drop it and move on. If the FBs are involved in your lives, break off any relationship with them and anybody else who knew what was happening and betrayed you. Your family is number one. you need to make it work. Make new friends, get rid of any reminders, such as photos, etc.. If your wife says she can't do this or won't do this, then you have some difficult decisions to make. I wish you the best and hope this works out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): Your wife was sleeping with multiple other people that you both know, without telling you, at the same time she's dating you?
There's no reason for you to have to deal with it. It's plain old betrayal. She should be the one trying to deal with you leaving her.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (16 February 2011):
 I feel you man, I know that it's hard. You have to pray and forgive her. It will make getting over the past easier. It will be hard, but you have to trust her now. 10 years is a long time ago, but I know that it seems as if it happened yesterday. Try not to think about it. When you do, simply call or tell her that you love her. Turn the jealousy, anger, and disappointment into love.
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