A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for thirteen years. I recently feel as if I want to get married and start a family but he doesn't, I am unsure if I should call it a day or just carry on waiting. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): You're too old be waiting for a guy that will not have kids with you or get married to you. Tell him what you want, if he says no, move on. Why was he with you for 13 years if he didn't want these things? All women were put here to have kids, so don't let anyone tell you that you don't need these things in your life. You deserve them. Marriage is important too, if you're going to have kids, you need a commitment and security for legal and emotional reasons. Never settle.
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Have you actually talked to him about it? Don't imagine that he has any idea that your feelings have changed. This is the time to be frank about your feelings. Tell him what you want out of life.If it's not what he wants, then it's time to go. If he's not sure, give him a very short time to decide how he feels. If he doesn't come down on one side or the other, walk.He may just need a short time to get used to the idea. But you don't have forever to wait. I met my husband just after 30 and we had kids when I was 37 and 39. If I had it to do over, I would have done it earlier. The man I was with in my 20s didn't want kids until his late 30s -- I assumed he would change his mind (he didn't, and I was stuck with his time table). I should have left him the first time he told me what he wanted.Good luck hon.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (10 September 2007):
 If he hasn't mentioned marriage, nor wants to, or start a family, he probably doesn't...or he just isn't ready. I will say this, if he can't "commit" to marriage or does not have the desire to, then, personally, when the going gets tough...they normally head for the hills and run. IF he really loves you and respects you, he would marry you. I do know of a man who is just like this...and he has been with other women just because. (he says stress - whatever!) I would not waste my time in a man who does not love me enough to understand how I feel and who would want to make me happy. Mind you, this is how I think and feel. I wasted 6 & 1/2 yrs...and then split with one such as this....and guess what.....it's 6 more yrs later and he is still single and with someone else and he has no plans of getting married. He had children and pays his child support and is a great Dad, however, he has no respect for the woman's feeling and that is what can brake your relationship because YOU know that is what you want.
Good Luck to you and I do wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Don't call it quits because he won't get married.He's been with you for 13 years, theres no reason he needs to marry you to show he loves you, thats ridiculous.Alot of guys are against marriage, personally I think its pretty silly and pointless.But as far as having a family maybe he just isn't ready yet, or maybe he doesn't want kids period, you should talk to him some more about it.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (10 September 2007):
It has been thirteen years. If he hasn't proposed yet, it is unlikely he will. Don't stay withhim to wait for a proposal. You have to ask yourself, is it worth dumping him and ending what you have because he doesn't want an official marriage? Are you happy in this relationship? Is he happy, and if so, what is his objection to being married?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): NEVER wait. That is a BIG mistake. I have waited before... and waited... and waited... and waited...
DON'T waste your time. He already told you NO. Right? Ok. So move on.
If he changes his mind he'll ring you and let you know. In the meantime just go get what you want. He's not going to change his mind. You can accept it NOW or five years down the road when he STILL hasn't married you. By then you will be five years older, five years more attached to him, five years more of your life that you feel you WASTED with somebody who was not worth it.
And if he doesn't want to marry you, he IS going to eventually marry someone else. Don't stick around to watch that happen. Hold your head up right now, and say good bye.
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