A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 17 and I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months.. I know that's not a very long time but I'm crazy about him! I'm 99% sure he feels the same for me.. but I can't stop being paranoid. I'm worried that he's cheating on me, even though he has given me no reason to feel this way! I think that I expect him to be the perfect boyfriend when no ones perfect! I know that if I carry on with my paranoid feelings he'll leave me.. but I can't help it! Ever since we had an abortion I've been a paranoid freak. If anyone knows how to help me I would greatly appreciate your advice because my feelings are pushing me over the edge... Thank you xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Getting an abortion is a big deal. It's much more than just going to the doctor. For women, the long term effects can literally change the way you view yourself, and the people you are with.
Do yourself a favor. Seek help with a trained psychologist. Let them know about your situation and you need to get reviewed for a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. Don't be one who finds out 20 years down the road that your abortion has been affecting your relationships in a negative way for many years. I hear so many stories where it does.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Well you went through something very traumatic (the abortion) whether you realise it or not. And you feel like a changed woman. And because you feel that you are different because of this experience, it has led you to believe that he does not like this change in you.
Before you had the abortion you were one person who you knew he loved. Now you feel like a different person and are scared that he doesn't love this different person. That is what I think is going on.
The best way to deal with this is to TALK ABOUT THE ABORTION with him. Talk about it with anybody, for that matter. Try to feel comfortable with this. It is part of who you are now. You can't change that. You have to somehow come to terms with it and accept it as a part of you and him, for that matter.
You guys have been through a HUGE experience in your relationship. And believe me that it has affected him too. You are not the only one who went through this. This was just as much his baby, his decision and his doing as it was yours. Maybe knowing and accepting that will make you feel a bit more at ease.
At least in your own mind, you could take off some of the weight of this experience and transfer it on to his shoulders too. You may be a different person but you certainly could look at him as a different person too. Don't carry all the weight of this by yourself. You have created this paranoia all in your mind because of the circumstances I explained above. But just like you created your paranoia on your own, you can also create peace and stop it just like that too. When you look at him, remember that he too went through the same thing and has just as much to do with all this as you do! He is a changed person too. I think knowing this will help ease your burden.
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