A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for the last six years. We pretty much became adults together; we started dating after high school, went through college at the same time, and started our careers at the same time. We've shared everything together, including many firsts. We are essentially each other's first significant others.Recently, my company hired a new coworker who, by my estimation, is interested in me. I'd like to think I have a pretty good read on people, and he texted me and (I'm pretty sure) indirectly asked me out on a coffee date. Now, when I said earlier that I share everything with my boyfriend, I meant it; I've told him about this coworker. My boyfriend isn't jealous. Instead, he helped me figure out the tactful thing to text this coworker. I replied to the text that we should all get dinner after work sometime with our other coworkers. On the other hand, my coworker doesn't know I have a boyfriend. We're both friendly people and the topic hasn't come up. If he were ever direct in asking me out, of course I would mention my boyfriend.The thing is...I feel like I've been obsessing over this coworker in my head. Maybe it's because I have really only had one boyfriend. Maybe it's because I miss "the chase." I don't want to mess up either my relationship with my boyfriend or friendship with this new coworker who seems like a really cool guy. Any advice on how to quash this... (what I'm hesitant to say is a) crush?
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 I think it's more likely you are losing interest in your boyfriend.
What do you mean when you say "on the other hand, my coworker doesn't know I have a boyfriend"?
"The thing is...I feel like I've been obsessing over this coworker in my head"
If you were to ask me then you obviously find him attractive in some way and different to your boyfriend.
Let me ask you a couple of questions; does your boyfriend treat you right? Are you happy in your relationship? Because if you are be very careful. The fact your boyfriend isn't jealous says to me he must be a decent guy.
You don't really know this new "really cool guy" at all and you could end up throwing away what you already have for something/someone you don't know anything about (other than he seems to be attractive and "cool").
Sounds like curiosity to me. With this boyfriend of yours this has been your first real (and only) relationship and it has lasted longer than a lot of marriages. Now you know what curiosity did to the pussy cat?
Only you can decide what is more important. For me, if I'm with a girl and she loves me and I love her, then it's a no brainer. I choose the girl over a "cool" female co-worker/friend.
Personally, I think you are losing interest in your boyfriend and this is probably the first time you have ever been "obsessing in your head" over someone else?
A
female
reader, dcgirl15 +, writes (7 January 2013):
I was in nearly the exact same situation this summer. My best advice: slip in that you have a boyfriend some how. Try to do it directly to his face so he feels like you're being honest. I lost my boyfriend of 3 years over a "new coworker" situation and I regret it everyday. Just take care of the situation before anything gets flirty and when you start thinking about the coworker, channel more energy into your relationship with your boyfriend.The chase is fun but it's fun, in my opinion, because of the promise at the end of it. The idea that you could be in this blissful new relationship. When you're out of relationshipland and into singleland, the chase seems a lot more hollow.Good luck. I know you don't want to mess up a friendship but if you had to choose at the end, wouldn't you choose your relationship over a friendship with a "really cool guy"? I wish you all the best!
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A
male
reader, Rupan  +, writes (7 January 2013):
Take your time.Follow your heart.Don't over analyse things.
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