A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 36 year old single woman who has a daughter with a 50 year old married man. He has no children with his wife. I am so in love with him but I want a complete family. Is it wrong of me to want him to leave his wife? And if he doesn't (which I know he won't) how do I leave him alone and we have a 3 year old?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2022): I'm glad you think you're entitled to another woman's husband, and to boot, brought a child into it. With a mother like, I am sure she will grow up to emulate you and expect that men break up their families for her. I don't understand why you thought it was a good idea to shag an old man - for giggles? Nothing special about you - you are a willing sperm receptacle with a child.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): This advice by "A reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010):" is excellent. Follow it.
Find another man, or a woman if you find that to be the case, one who wants a complete family, and who loves you and won't use you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): doesn't look like your ever going to leave that man, and doesnt look like his ever going to tell his wife about his daughter.
What a web you have weaved.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 Now you raise your kid the best way you can, knowing that probably he won't leave his wife for you.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (21 November 2010):
 I don't think it's wrong of you to feel that he should leave his wife for you and your child that you have together. What person out there doesn't want a whole family?
Engaging in an affair with a married man, it is almost concrete that if you were to get pregnant that he would want to bail out.
I think his wife has a right to know what is going on, especially since you two have a three year old child.
He isn't going to leave her for you as you said so yourself. I think you need to move on and find a man (not married) to be with you and help you raise your child. A friend of mine was in the same circumstance as you are in right now and she took the high road. Didn't tell his wife and told him that she would take care of the baby on her own. (I think she should have gotten child support but to each their own.) She has a new man now who is very nice to her and her son and takes care of them very well. She told me that she has never felt a love like that.
I think everything happens for a reason. He will get his as pinktopaz said, karma.
I wish you the best. You and your child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): A few sayings come to mind: "Don't count your chicks before they hatch" AND "Don't put the cart before the horse". It seems that you did both of these by becoming pregnant in your thirties (old enough to know better) by a married man, having the child, and now hoping to use this child as an instrument to get him.
This is corrupt down to the core. Your child deserves a better reason for having an existence than a mere extension of your drama..., by using the child to forge a bond with a man who would not give it to you otherwise.
Be a mother and do the right thing by both yourself and your child. Do not use a child as emotional blackmail to get what you want. That is REALLY bad form. You are really in love with another woman's husband. You had a child with him. Now you want to reel him in. Stand up, pull up your big girl panties and cut the crap. You are too old for this. Almost 40. Grow up. You can become someone your daughter can look up to, you know. What you are doing now isn't something to be proud of... but you can turn that around. You can become a real live woman with a big woman's heart. You can realize that you don't have to steal from another woman... even if you want what is hers. Because... I'm here to say... life will bite you for it. It is unfortunate but true.
Do the right thing... It has probably been so long since you have that you may have forgotten what that means... to do the right thing. Look long and hard inside... take a good look. Realize how you cheapen your child's life by doing what you are doing. Take a stand a demand better for her and for yourself. Demand that you become a better woman than you are now.
We don't get away with anything in this life. Christmas.. or whatever holiday you celebrate.. will be rolling around. Think about the truth behind the 'holiday'. Think about the depth of being we are being asked to call into existence inside of ourselves. Accept the challenge not to become pond scum. Accept the challenge to become an exemplary person. Become an exemplary person. Accept the choices YOU HAVE MADE and bear the expense and ASK NO ONE ELSE TO carry the load you have created. You had no right to become pregnant and to have that child... he belongs to another woman. Now that you have stolen this intimacy from their marriage and have a child... do the right thing.
Become a decent woman who lives as an example for her daughter. i don't care what you have to tell her about her father... figure out something... but don't hand the burden of the truth to her... and don't make matters worse for yourself by trying to seal the deal with another woman's husband.
Make a choice to do the moral thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Three years and nine months plus and he has not left his wife because he does not intend to. You need a man who is there for you and your son 100% of the timeThat man is not this married man.If this married man had a heart attack tomorrow and died his widow possibly would not protect the interests of your child. If she even knows the child exists.The time is over to hope this married man will do the right thing.Now is the time to protect your child.This man has fathered a child. Your child.How much meaningful a presence in the life of your son is his father seeking? It will be hard for your son if he has to grow up not having a father present 100% in his life, especially if the father does not want to be there 100% of the time. You know the father of your child. But you now need to play by the rules to get the an equitable outcome for your son. You may need to get a DNA test done to confirm the paternity of your child while the child's father is still alive. And to do that you may have to get a Court Order to order this man to have the paternity test done, if this married man did not allow his name on the birth certificate as the father of the child. Did he allow his name on the birth certificate? If not, get that DNA test sorted now, officially, to protect your child's interests.It may not seem important to you now, but this is not about you, in this instance, it is about your son, thus a DNA test is important in the event of any cruel doubt cast by others about the paternity of your son after his father has died. It will prove the biological connection.I am hoping though that eventually your son has the opportunity, maybe through sport or his interests and his studies, to enjoy some mentoring and good influence of decent good men, maybe even father's of his friends, giving examples of how real genuine fathers behave. Once you have the 99.9% positive paternity result DNA test confirmed you can Take action (consult a solicitor) to formalise (legally) the care arrangements and $upport of your child while the father is alive and has the capacity to participate in these decisions
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): have you talked to him about this? People don't just have affairs for no reason. Affairs are usually symptoms of a marriage that was already broken to begin with but the spouses were too afraid/stupid/selfish to actually leave the marriage. Maybe he needs to seriously examine his own marriage, if he hasn't already. If he does he may conclude that his marriage was seriously wrong and maybe that would be the impetus for him to leave his wife.
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (21 November 2010):
Raise your child as you have been and keep the legs close to him. Thiers nothing else to do she will walk with half are more so he’s in it to stay.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 November 2010):
I don't think it's wrong of you to FEEL that he should leave his wife and have a family with you, I think it would be natural to feel that way in your circumstance. However, I do think it's wrong of you to want him to leave his wife for you. Logically speaking, he was married to her when you had an affair with him so it was silly of you to even get involved with him in the first place and now that you have a child with him, one of the repercussions that you should have thought about in the first place is that you could wind up being a single parent.
Now I know that we all make mistakes and in no way am I saying that he is an innocent part of your dilemma. But to move on you need to follow your brain and not your heart, you already know that he won't leave her and make sure he pays you child support. Also, I'm a big believer in this and hopefully you will be too, but there's karma. What goes around comes around, it will come around to you and him. Hopefully you'll make better choices in the future.
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male
reader, Racna1305 +, writes (21 November 2010):
 If you had that baby while he was married then you were wrong for that. Yea its wrong for you to want that but he is an idiot for cheating on his wife and not being honest with her. Lol, ya know....nvm. Answer to this one is there is nothing you can do but live life. He is going to do what he wants regardless, if you need financial support then i guess child support *shrugs*
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