A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've got five girlfriends and I honestly don't know what to do. Basically, I met a girl three years ago in college. We began a relationship, got serious, then she left for work in the USA. We're still together in the form of a long-distance relationship. I chat with her online daily and we meet up a few times a year. I still have strong feelings for her and she feels the same way about me and has promised not to cheat. However, I have been seeing four other girls. One is another girl I went to college with and met later than the first girl. We've been together for two years and are even talking about moving in together. I care about her very much, but am not physically attracted to her. The second is a girl I met on a night out. We hooked up, had sex and stayed in touch. We have been dating/hooking up for the past six months and she's looking for a commitment from me. The third is a girl I've been friends with since childhood. She knows all about the first two girls and is OK with it cos she doesn't believe in monogamy. The final girl is an ex from my teenage yrs. We've been dating casually for 3 months, but I'm developing feelings for her.I'm finding this very confusing and problematic. My long-distance gf means so much to me and I hate betraying her, but I need more than she can offer right now. The other long-term girl is a lovely person who wants commitment, but doesn't turn me on. The third girl wants commitment but all I want from her is the sex I crave tbh. And what to do about the feelings I'm developing for the last girl. I REALLY fancy her. She had a bf when she met and I persuaded her to leave him for me, so I can hardly just dump her now, can I? Please help!!! And, please, don't judge me. I've always been the sort who follows my heart regardless of the consequences. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, heather016  +, writes (12 February 2010):
wouldnt it solve your problem IF a girl who's got a bit of each of those 5 girls in her. five in one. that'd solve the problem. then treat her good and dont hurt her. wouldnt it be disturbing to you to hurts girls?
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (29 January 2010):
 See. I told you.
But I have a question. Have you ever been really hurt by a girl in the past? Or gave your heart to one and said you loved her? In the past?
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (28 January 2010):
I've never met a bloke who can't fling off a woman who means absolutly nothing to him. I'm sorry mate but your not following your heart for if you truly were you'd be with the right one.
Blokes more than women often get confused with emotional love, the love women truly crave. Of course some women are like minded as these men too and crave physical affection.
I think girl no 1 has already cheated a long time ago, you should have chased her, you may still have the chance to. girl two you need to let go so she can be with someone who will love her properly otherwise you will hurt a good girl. Girl three is just a means to an end of the absence of girl one. Girl four was. The forth girl is just a friend, that if you are, having casual sex with. The fifth girl is already an exhausted venture, you dated her already, you know where that road leads if you've broken up with someone that's it it's finished otherwise you go into a vicious cycle of further confusion.
Looking at your age you seem to be ripe to make the choice. If you wish choose one to be commited too. If it was me I'd pick either 1 or 2. If 1 has not cheated. Otherwise no 2 is the truly the lady who as really stuck by your side. She will give you true commitment, love and a family if you want one.
It sounds to me your to emotional about hurting one of them. like many of us you need to learn how to fling them off after you get your satifaction. Otherwise it get "emotional" and you fear hurting one o them. At the end of the day if your with five women you really are not in love because when you are no other woman looks or is so desiarable than the one you truly love. However people do fall out of love ie: girl no 1.
Your at the crossroads mate. A life awaits you to choose the player road, or the commitment road.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (28 January 2010):
 I won't judge you at all. Twenty years ago, I used to be you.
As long as you are (reasonably) honest with each girl from day one, you have no worries about having to tell lies, getting 'caught', or time constraints.
The problem that you will have is when you start to feel something meaningful with one girl or another. Then you have to make a choice. A lifestyle choice. And you have to stick to it, even though you might always question your choice.
After living the City of London, 'yuppie' life for many years, I met my current partner. I gave everything up for her, even sold my posh flat, and moved, much to the amusement of people who knew me.
Everyday, I wonder what my life could have been like, but every day I thank God for my partner and my son.
If you have been honest with the girls, and yourself, then the only problem is whether to follow your heart or your sex drive. If you have been telling lies, then your problems will be compounded. Either way, the time is coming when you need to choose your lifestyle. Be a playboy bachelor, or settle into a relationship, but be honest.
Problem solved.
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A
female
reader, applebite8821  +, writes (28 January 2010):
 Honestly, I don't know how you communicate with all of them without being caught. Do you feel that each one is suspecting that your attention is divided?
But anyway, that's not directly related to your question. Yet I believe that is why keeping one relationship at a time is the best because your time, effort and emotion isn't divided..it is focused on one person. And it is always a problem even if you keep 2 girlfriends because each one will want to be the ONE and ONLY.
Ask yourself, if you love any one of them..would the others exist in your life? Maybe you don't love any one at all. So i suggest, as Caringguy said, to break up with all because not one of them is enough for you to leave the rest otherwise you will not reach this point.
Go find the one for you whom you can make as your ONE and ONLY.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2010):
Get it together and end it with all of them. None of these women are offering what you want, so you need to move on from all of them.
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