A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My head has been completely screwed with by my ex. She told so many lies. She even said that she was pregnant and then strangely miscarried when i asked to see proof of pregnancy and asked her to go to dr. During our 2year relationship she pulled me away fro m all of my friends including my close friend just because she is female. She met her once and decided my friend was a bitch and made it hard to see her.we grew apart. I tried to break up with her and she turned up at my friends house accusing her of cheating with me.my friend is 6 months pregnant and happily married now. She was extremely distressed. Now like a coward im hiding from my ex but iv heard shes trying to track me down. What the hell do i do! I hate to admit it but she scares the crap out of me, how do i stop her from ruining my life! I just want her to go away
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): I wouldn't have come back my friend, as soon as she finds out you are back she may well start again. I know you feel bad about the way she's treated people that you care about, that's natural, you feel its your fault, but at least she's left them alone now she thinks you're not around anymore. If your job won't take you back, then there's not much really to stick around there for. I'd take this chance to make a fresh start elsewhere. You can perhaps make a mends with your friend later down the line when all this blows over and people calm down about all this. In the meantime, I would see if you can go back to stay with those relatives you were staying with, look for a job and then a new place of your own to get the ball rolling again. She will give up before she finds you, provided only a few well trusted people know where you are that will not tell her (Hopefully).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): Thanks everyone for the good advice. Iv already told her that its over for good. Because she kept bothering my parents all the time (i lived with them) i decided that it was a good idea to go away and stay with relatives that are the other side of the country. I made her aware of this but didnt tell her wher i was going and it seemed to work, my parents stopped seeing her around. She txtd and called alot at first begging me to come back then they turned abusive and she made threats against my family and friends and made me belive she meant them harm so i went to the police. Iv come back now to an absolute mess. My old place of work wont have me back because she's been there harrasing. My friend is petrified and too scared to open her front door and her husband is furious. They have gone to the police and now shes not allowed near them, theyv asked me to stay away too, which is hurtful but i understand. Iv contacted the police myself and currently not alot is being done. I have a child with a previous partner who is now too scared to let me have my 5 yr old daughter at the moment ( again completely understandable) and im too scared to drive to their house incase that psycho follows me there. I never did introduce her to my daughter thank god. So my child is suffering as well. I feel so sick and guilty. I may not be the best boyfriend but I never cheated,lied,abused or misrepresented myself in any way. I really dont no what iv done to diserve this.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Speak to her one last time, tell her you want nothing more to do with her, it is over and she needs to stop tracking you down and stop bothering your friends. Make it clear that if she goes near your friend again, who is pregnant and doesnt need this kind of drama, that you will get a restraining order against her.
Once you have had this conversation, call your mobile phone service provider and get her number blocked from calling you or texting you. Go onto facebook, make sure she is blocked from your profile so she cant even search for you on there. Make sure that she is blocked from all possible avenues of contacting you. Get your friend to do the same so she cant be bothered by her either.
If she still turns up at your house or your friends houses, then go to the police and get a restraining order. I would actually send your ex a letter after your face to face conversation (and keep a copy for yourself) that explains the relationship is over and you dont want her to speak to you or any of your friends ever again, otherwise you will have to take further legal action. This way you have evidence for the police that you have given her a chance to get out of your life and leave you alone, so they will be more likely to issue a restraining order if needs be. Again, your friend should do the same thing if she continues to be a pest.
Once you have a restraining order and have blocked her from contacting you she cannot do anything else to try and ruin your life, there would be no way for her to even get near you or your friends. She will eventually get bored and give up, just try and stick this rough patch out for a few months.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): Don't feel silly for being scared of her, this is psychotic and obsessive behavior, and people like this can be dangerous. I wouldn't advise you to reveal your location to her and let her have her say as another person said, whatever she needs to say (if its even worth listening to) can be said over a phone call, there's no need for her to know where you are, all she'll try and do from the sounds of her is intimidate and control you.
If she's made any threats to you or begins to via text or any form of message, I would keep a log of them in case it has to be put into police hands, these can be used as proof of her stalking and harassment, and will go against her. If she can't find you for now then try not to let her intimidate you, just let some time pass and see if she comes to her senses. If she does find you, or the next time she contacts you, politely ask her to leave you alone and tell her that you're thinking of taking this matter to the police because her behavior is disturbing to say the least.
If the police need to be involved, they will first warn her to leave you alone, and that she will get arrested after that if she continues to contact you against your will and their warning. If she continues after that, again keep a log of all the messages and calls on your phone, tell her you have built up a list of her messages and calls as proof that's she's carrying on regardless of her being warned, and that its now going back to the police and they will deal with her accordingly. If you're lucky, it will only take her to be arrested to bring her to her senses, but don't be surprised if it doesn't.
A little story from my background, a few years back I was in a very similar relationship to the one you described, my ex was aggressive, possessive, irrational, unreasonable, jealous, paranoid and insecure. She lost me my job, a lot of friends, and even tried to cut me off from my family saying that all these people I associate with are against us being together and that if I cared for the relationship, I'd have to get rid of them or they'll come between us. She even showed up at another of my ex girlfriends houses accusing us of sleeping together, this being an ex I hadn't seen in years since we split up. Anyway to cut a long story short, I came to my senses and moved in with my mum and brother temporarily away from her, she then began the stalking behavior, texts, phone calls, threats, all the usual stuff. I phoned the police, they came out and had a look at the messages she's sent me, they told me to switch my phone off and ignore her so I did. The police then went to her and warned her to leave me alone and she agreed. During the time the police were out and my phone was switched off, she sent a text saying she's on her way round to murder me so I better have the police ready. 20 minutes past, the next thing the livingroom window went through, she reached in a stabbed me like a psychopath with either a piece of broken glass, or something she brought with her. Luckily I wasn't sitting on the couch under the window or she would have cut my throat. The police got called and they came out and took my phone as evidence as they were now building a case against her themselves (she went into hiding at this point). I only found out about the warning text a couple of weeks after when the police told me they switched my phone on, and that along with a couple more messages came through, she must have sent while the police were here but I never received them because they told me to switch my phone off and ignore her. She got arrested and charged a few weeks later, and then released with bail conditions to stay away from me until the court date. She got arrested one more time after this because she got drunk and came round again, this time she threw an empty brandy bottle at the front door and shouting her mouth off. In the end, how she escaped a prison sentence I'll never know.
The point is, these people don't see sense until usually something way over the line happens, like what happened to me. Hopefully your ex girlfriend won't take things that far, but I advise you to take all the precautions you can just in case.
This woman does NOT want you back in her life, she's after revenge for you leaving her, and perhaps she won't stop until she's proved that point.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Why are you hiding from her? The more you hide, the more she'll scare you. And do you know what she's scaring you OP? Because you are allowing yourself to be afraid of her.
She's an ex, she's out of your life, you have nothing to worry about. Refuse to talk to her, block her from all social networking sites, change your number and dont reply to her mails. If she lands up at your place and demands to see you, refuse to meet her. And if she continues, you can always get a restraining order against her. Dont worry, you haven't done anything wrong, you dont have to hide from anyone.
...............................
A
female
reader, nat1972  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Hi,
If she finds you let her have her say. I no you don't want to hear what she has to say. But with her state of mind you don't really know her next move. Perhaps she wants to say sorry. But do not get back with her if she asks. Failing this, and she harrasses you, report her to the police and take out an injunction against her. And tell her in no certain terms that the relationship has ended and ask for her to leave you alone. Be strong in doing this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): Get a restraining order. There are ways 2 keep her from contacting you. Get law enforcement involved if you can't do it on your own. On your part no contact at all. Block her email change your phone number and let your employer know that you don't want 2 receive any calls from her. Do not give her any reason to think there may still be hope. Don't be soft on her and say I don't want to get her in any trouble, she will make your life hell if you don't. You can't hide forever. Best of luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, MaryIda516  +, writes (17 September 2012):
Okay I hate a female that won't let go. The best way to let her know you don't want NOTHING to do with her to let her know face to face. Fact of the matter is nobody can force you to be with them. Hidding is not making it any better.My advice to you is let her know your choice and then cut her off completely and move on
...............................
|
