A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem.I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play my guitar a lot more in order to get my mind off being homesick (I had been playing for about 2 years prior to my 1st year) and absolutely fell in love with it because it just made me feel happy and energized especially when playing a heavy metal song or a really slow melodic solo. Anyway I figured it may have just been a temporary phase that would slowly fade away as I started to feel more comfortable at university and didn't need to play to feel good, but I was wrong, if anything my love for the guitar got stronger.Now in my 3rd year I still feel the same way and have decided that I want to seriously pursue playing guitar as a career after I finish my criminology program (so that I have a degree to fall back on if the music career doesn't work out) but here is my problem. My parents see the guitar as merely a hobby and not as a career path. Another half problem is the cost to attend. Although I have been extremely fortunate and blessed to have parents that paid for my University tuition as well as textbooks, I am extremely hesitant to ask them to pay $40,000 a year to send me to Berklee. I also worry about the extreme pressure I am sure to feel in trying to live up to the expectations that come with paying $40,000 a year. So anyway here is my questionHow can I tell my parents that after I finish university I want to pursue a career in playing guitar and that I want to take a year off (maybe more) in order to take serious guitar lessons to improve my chances of being accepted to Berklee, as well as the $40,000/year price tag?Any help is greatly appreciatedThanks
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 September 2012):
 I don't think it is really a matter of what your parents will allow you to do or will let you have, or not , it is a matter of what you want for yourself and your life. You want to play guitar , Ok- but you have to go after your goal with open eyes.
Of course, there have been and there are wildly successful ( and exceptionally talented ! ) guitar players . Just to name a few : Eric Claption, Jimi Hendrix, Carlos Santana , Mark Knopfler.. ( none of them went to Berkelee, btw ). But- statistically, it does not happen that often. If this school is 4 years, you ( or whomever pays ) will be out of 160000 and , alas, most professional musicians don't make that in 10 years . I knew plenty of graduates from Juilliard and other prestigeous school,that had to get a second ( actually, a first ! ) job to get by somehow , if they were lucky teaching music but more often in some totally unrelated field, and could not of course be full time performers.
I think you should try the Berkelee thing ( again, whomever pays ) only if you have the burning passion, that slightly maniacal devotion that makes you say, I don't care, I am even willing to eat canned soup only for the rest of my life , as long as I can play.
So, while I think it is a good idea that you take a sabbatical to play guitar as much as you can, take private lessons, hone your craft etc...- you should not do it just with the goal of being accepted by an expensive school. In performing arts, schools surely are useful, they give you technique and self discipline, but ... no school can give you great talent if you don't have it, and that all consuming passion which makes you say : I'd chose being a struggling musician rather than an affluent criminologist any time any day ,forever.
Then, in one year , you can find out if you've got what it takes to carry on, first of all. Then, you can decide dispassionately if what it takes to let you reach your full potential is really only Berklee , or if you could apply to some less explensive place , or just practice practice practice on your own. Again, in the arts field school is good , but not essential: talent is .
A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (18 September 2012):
(A gray-haired parent person whose youngest kid is a few years older than you speaks.) I have no idea how good you are with the guitar, but . . . your parents have already given you a great start in life, and funded your university education. (That's more than I was able to do for my 3 kids.)
Do something with what you have been given. Make an honest effort to support yourself for a while - at least a year. Work at criminology, or work as a musician, or work at something else, but pay your own bills. (It's getting rarer, but you might even land at an employer who will give you tuition assistance for music classes at a recognized university or music school. An acquaintance of mine put himself through 4 years of seminary with little out-of-pocket expense while working as a technician at a major defense contractor.) Also start a portfolio of things that show you really DO have potential on the guitar. Things like coffeehouse gigs - competition prizes - reviews in the neighborhood newspaper - volunteer musician for a church or nursing home - etc. And - this is even more important - save some money aside.
When you have enough savings to make a significant dent in the cost of your lessons plus Music school, and some third-party opinions that you CAN play guitar, THEN approach your parents. Show that you have a workable plan, and that you are willing to invest yourself into it.
Although I couldn't help a lot with their university costs, all of my kids managed to complete college in 4 years with very minimal debt due to scholarships, summer work, etc. Partly in recognition of their industriousness and good judgement, I have been quite willing to give what assistance I could when they wanted to purchase houses, get married, or attend grad school.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Woe, woe, woe, before you go down that path with your folks, you need to actually do something with your music. Not only is life the best teacher of music, but it will grow your musicianship and your talent. You still have alot to learn and forking out $40,000 for some kind of high end lessons at Berkley is not a good idea. Why don't you try to do a solo act in some of the local pubs around town? The best way to cut your teeth on your musical skills is to team up with a few other musicians, join a small band, or pair up with another musician and do some music gigs as a duo. You will learn so much and you may find out you don't need expensive tuition at Berkley to find satisfaction in music. I speak from experience. My parents never could afford lessons for me privately. I taught myself how to play piano by using my ear and later when I left home I paid $10.00 a week for private piano lessons, which taught me how to read music. A few years later I was an intermediate pianist, and could have contracted myself out to do some gigs, play at church etc. But I wanted to connect with other musicians. I bought a used guitar and paid another private instructor $20 per week to give me guitar lessons. I learned how to play classcal guitar and then eventually learned rhythm guitar. My instructor was impressed with my abilities and we started doing gigs together as a duo around town. We played everywhere here locally. It was a blast and some of my favorite memories. He later taught me how to play the bass guitar and sometimes I'd play in the church band when they needed a rhythm guitarist or bass player to fill in. That sprung-board me into joining a rock band, which led me into meeting my husband and the rest is history. To this day, I am still part of a rock band and we play locally around the city. It's extremely fulfilling and we all have day jobs that actually pay the bills. At times when I've been in between regular jobs, I have taught guitar lessons to kids for extra money. You don't need a degree for that. And I certainly didn't have my parent invest in $40K for lessons. You just need practice and to hook up with a few other musicians. Things will happen and it will be extremely fun and fulfilling. Good luck!
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 September 2012):
 My father is world renowned professional guitar player. He is regarded as a genius in his field, and I'm not just saying that because I'm his kid. But - the fact that he is a master has never meant consistent money - being a serious musician usually pays gig to gig. It is certainly not a salaried job.
This is not to say I don't recommend following passion, because passion is what you will ultimately be more driven to work your ass off for. Frankly, I never see my Dad. For my entire life - he spends all of his time holed up in his studio with his guitar. I've always said that when he dies, all I have to do is have an ongoing tape playing of him playing and it'll be exactly the same (which is morbid humor - I absolutely adore him, but still... he's obsessive. That's what makes him great is 24 hours of practice, 7 days a week from the day he picked up the guitar at 10). It is not an exaggeration. I see him twice a day, when he eats. And then, back to the guitar.
But, you should absolutely finish your degree. You've gotten this far...
It is so worth having a backup plan for when you have dry times. My Dad went straight from high school to touring and never went to college. I know that is his biggest regret in life. He wouldn't have gone for music - that he mastered on his own... there was no need for someone else telling him their way of playing. But having something else, the pride of earning that diploma, that level of knowledge in another field and the comfort of always having a backup plan is more than valuable.
Every other Aunt and Uncle has had great advice. I just thought maybe a little personal experience could also be good to hear.
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Hi
I think you have had enough off your parents tbh.
Finish your current degree yes, then if your determined and passionate enough, you will find a way to forge a career using your guitar, independantly.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
 I agree that if it's your passion that you should get a part time job and you should pay the expense... that it will mean more to you...
my father put my brother through culinary school (yes he's a certified chef but not using that skill) and Lab tech school (certified lab tech not using it) and many other schools...
wanna know what my brother does? he works in an Apple Store in a mall.. and he's happy.... so all that education my dad paid for was wasted... and my brother could have had his trust fund for living expenses instead.
Did you know the actress Pauly Perette (plays forensic scientist Abby Scuitto on NCIS) actually HAS a degree in FORENSIC SCIENCE... but she wanted to try acting...
hmmm.... see it can go both ways.
As the mom of kids older than you, I think if I paid for college and you wanted to take a year off (and support yourself and pay for your own education) I wouldn't be opposed to it... nor would I be willing to finance it...
BUT the issue is... what are you thinking you can do with a gutiar career...do you think you will be able to support yourself? Highly unlikely.
BEST advice... continue to play the guitar... find a weekend warrior band or whatever it is you want to do with your music... but graduate and get a job in the field that is probably the one that will ultimately support you and your family.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Play guitar a LOT now. Practice using youtube videos, play with friends, go find coffee houses and places to play. You need to have a lot of playing time under your belt so that you can actually become good. There's an interesting book, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outliers_(book) called Outliers that examines why it is certain people become successful. In the cases of musicians the author examined there, it was accumulated hours of practice that was the greatest predictor of success.
If your true passion is guitar, play it and keep on playing. Figure out a way to schedule it into your day and even try to earn some money from it. That will lend more credibility to your request that they continue to pay for your education.
Now, to point out the obvious, there are other schools out there that can teach guitar. Berklee does sound expensive, is it really your only option? Do some more research on this and maybe the answer is that you transfer to a university that offers guitar AND criminology. That way you can get started sooner.
So even if you aren't taking lessons now, play as much as you can with people who can teach you and do your best to earn some cash doing it as well. Offer to play at people's parties and put out a hat. Earning cash for playing now will translate into a stronger argument for your career potential as a professional musician.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 WHAT makes you think that your folks are going to cough up $40K for you to attend Berklee?????
IF they're gullible (and well-off enough) to do so... then I say "have at it.... it's THEIR MONEY"
If they say, "What are you.... CRAZY????" then you'll have to accept that and figure out how to afford Berklee on your own.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2012):
 I agree with Auntie Bim-Bim if this is something you are passionate for.. get a part time job NOW and start saving up, having the expectations that your parents should pay those $40K on top of what they are paying now is.. well, it irks me as a parent.
Depending on how much your parents can afford, I do think it would be the RIGHT thing to help pay for it.
However with that said, I think you should finish your degree and go for your dream.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (17 September 2012):
I don't think that your parents will worry too much if you are really serious about becoming a guitarist. However, I do think they will be concerned about being asked to pay for it. I don't understand why you think your parents should cover the cost of you going. If they've already paid for one degree I think it is up to you to fund the second one. Plenty of students, especially mature students or those retraining, work part time, or take a couple of years out to work and save in order to pay their fees. Very few are lucky enough to have parents who are prepared to pay for two.
I don't see a problem in telling them you want to go there and that you want to take a year out to improve your skills. The problem is in the cost. But, if you are prepared to fund it yourself, then I don't see what the issue is. Perhaps if you do apply and get awarded a place then your parents might consider contributing. I don't think you should expect them to fund the whole degree though.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 September 2012):
...and here I am again. DearCupid unfortunately doesn't let us edit our posts, so instead of one, you get it chopped up in 3 parts. Hope you don't mind. Anyway, I found this piece about Berklee written by a parent and I thought it was valuable enough to put up here: http://www.yelp.com/biz/berklee-college-of-music-boston#hrid:-cwwLdEUCWpTEMZR_JaWfA
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 September 2012):
Oh, and one more thing: if you really want this you may want to figure out how you can help afford that gigantic price tag. People tend to become more ambitious and motivated when their own money is involved. This will also help present your case to your parents. Then again, it may make the whole deal tougher than it already is. But it's worth considering since it's your future we're talking about.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Here's a novel idea, work part time to cover the costs of your studying part time. If you are reluctant to ask your parents to cover the costs it indicates finding the money could be a struggle for them.
Once you graduate from your current studies they should be able to expect you to start standing on your own two feet. If you want a course that costs $40,000 get a job and earn the majority of that $40,000. Your parents may have other plans for spending their lives now that their obligations as parents to you are almost over.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 September 2012):
I'm all for following your passions, but I think that before you ask this, you need to take a real honest look at your skills and ask yourself if you have what it takes. And you have to get your expectations in line. What exactly do you think to gain from Berklee? What are your ambitions, your goals? If you can be truly specific and be brutally honest to yourself, you may get one step closer to your dreams.
As for Berklee College of Music, it has a notoriously low enrollment to graduation ratio, that is due in part to the intensive nature of the curriculum. As one student aptly put it: "Most incoming students enter with the misguided idea that they attending some sort of grown-up "school of rock" or maybe even "the Hogwarts of music," but instead they find Berklee's courses difficult, the level of competition among peers very high and are faced with perhaps for the first time in their life the challenge of mental shifting their attitude about music from something that used to be pleasure to something that has to become very serious work."
You have to ask yourself if not only you're up for that, but if you are good enough to be among those that make it to graduation.
Also, a lot of skilled and and accomplished guitarists out there never went to music college. In the end, it's all about being at the right place, at the right time with the right amount of talent. You could argue that real talent doesn't need a $40.000 a year college to get them places. It may open a few doors, but with that price tag, it's one hell of a gamble.
So think these points over well and if after that you're still hell bent on going, sit around the table with your parents and list your exact motivations, expectations and goals. Parents like yours can bend far to help their children, but only when said child is sensible and realistic or at least comes across as such.
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