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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm an ugly 22 year old female; sure, I'm smart, kind, talented, all those good "inside" things, but I'm ugly outside and there's no questioning, I've got comments my whole life and I can see it in the mirror anyway... and not much can be done, and anyway, I hate being fake, I would love to be naturally beautiful but I got bad genes :(And I wish this was simply a weight issue, that I knew I could solve just by eating healthily and exercising, but it isn't. Sure exercising helps *a bit*, but I'm not even overweight and exercise won't make my hair or eyes prettier, it won't make my breasts bigger, or my face less manly.I feel so ugly because everywhere I see real life girls who're so much prettier than I am, so much cooler, and just as smart and kind and talented, so I have nothing on them. And let's not even talk about media images and porn and such... our culture and society are obsessed with beauty, and of course people feel justified in wanting and demanding beauty.Despite all this I have a boyfriend, but his exes are so much prettier. Sure they were all sluts, but that doesn't make me prettier. Hey, maybe he's with me because he knows I'll never cheat on him like they did, 'cause no guys show interest in me. I know, that's a horrible thing to say, but it's a possibility. I'm just tired of feeling inferior all the time, because of course you can see and measure beauty, you can touch it, and it's sensual; "inside" things are things which you can't see or touch and you only get to "see" them once you get to know the person. So of course guys don't go about their days ogling girls they don't know and saying "Wow, she's so smart, I'd love to f*** her". They don't look at a girl they don't know who's ugly outside and say "I wish my girlfriend was that kind".I feel inferior, like I don't fit in, and plain gross. Sometimes I think about giving up on relationships altogether 'cause I'm just gross. I know, I know, "But your BF chooses to be with you because he loves you and not the hot girls, looks aren't everything", no they're not, but when you've been called ugly all your life all you want to be is a beauty queen. The whole "He loves you for you not your looks" thing sounds like a lame consolation line for us uglies. I just want to stop thinking about this, I'm so depressed over it I almost cry. I've even cried to Bruno Mars' song, you the one about liking the girl just the way she is. I wish that was real but we all know it's not. Unless the girl looks like a supermodel, which is what my BF's exes look like. I'm sure he wishes I kept my personality and all but that I looked like them. I'm not stupid and I'm not blind, and neither is he. What can I do? I feel so bad, it kills me, and I hate being so envious of every pretty girl I see. It's poisonous, and I feel powerless. I honestly don't know what to do, I try to let the whole "looks don't matter" thing sink in, but I know it's not true, or else the media and society in general wouldn't place such a high value on beauty and we'd have a lot more average looking actors and models, and we'd look up to talented, kind and smart people and not "hot" men and women.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): You are beautiful. That is not an opinion, it is a fact. Look, the idea of being pretty by the media is different everywhere and completly relative. Do not let them tell you what is beautiful and not, you were made looking exactly like you do for a purpose. And guys too, they have been brainwashed to look for a certain image of beautiful their entire lifes, that doesn't make it the only one.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): Each and every one of us has beauty, it truly is in the eye of the beholder. Don't get your self worth from the world because it will always let you down. It is God who created you and thinks that you are the apple of his eye.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 oh sweetie... there are pretty girls, there are handsome girls... not all of us can be petite and pretty..
and then you get old like me. I'mm old now... and not nearly as cute as I was when I was younger...
but ya know what... my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful. He didn't when he wasn't my boyfriend... when we were just casual friends... I was pronounced "not attractive" and he meant it. Now he tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world... and I'm cute....
I bet your boyfriend thinks you are beautiful. I hope that's enough for you. and believe him. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL TO HIM..... and that should be enough....
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male
reader, Jackalus  +, writes (18 April 2011):
If you call yourself ugly it only makes it ok for men to call you that. Even if you think that you are ugly, you aren't. Everyone is beautiful and you need to believe that about yourself. One day you will find a man that loves you for your looks and your personality. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): I'm the OP, thanks for all the answers I just wish it were that simple or that I had the money it requires to fix my appearance, I hate thinking that my boyfriend MUST love me for my personality and not my looks, because apparently I'm too ugly to be loved for beauty. BTW, I also never said I hated pretty girls that's the title they put to my question here on DC, but I don't really hate pretty girls, I just feel envy but I know it's not their fault that the world is so effed up.
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reader, $izZle  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 I will not say that I know how it feels to be called ugly but yes I was called names in my childhood and it felt horrible ... and I do know how it feels to be left out ... I'm going to be 29 and I've not had a gf till date and I know it can be frustrating. Anyways what I want to tell you is beauty can't be measured. So you look a little different but that doesn't mean you should be so hard on yourself... maybe you just need to change your lifestyle a little and eat healthy that I'm sure will help you a little and stop with the self pitty pls it is not helping you in anyway... be a little positive hon... you are beautiful and you can feel it inside you just believe in you ... remember ... you loose only when you accept defeat and you are much more stronger than that... no matter how bad it is I know you can sort it out :) do you know what is beautiful? it is a smile that you get when you are really happy ... do you know how pathetic you feel when you see a girl going around with a jerk while you are alone ... :do you think a doctor can solve your problem better ?
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Maybe you cant help the way you look, but you can change the way you project yourself and think about yourself. If your BF is with you despite having pretty ex GFs', you cant possibly be as gross as you think you are. The problem is that you have very low self-esteem and you've just allowed that to completely sink.Come on...cheer up!! So you cant change your face and I'm not sure if I support cosmetic surgery either, because of the various hazards associated with it. But you can get a makeover with a nice haircut that suits your face, maybe get your hair straightened, get your eyebrows shaped, a pair of coloured contact lenses that complement your hair colour. I would say you're lucky to have small breasts, because you can wear sexy, fitted tops without looking like a tramp. OP you can never change your face, but you can change the way you feel about yourself. Your boyfriend and the people who love you dont mind your looks, but you do. Thats actually the worst part! If you dont love yourself, then thats really terrible. Accept everything about yourself. You are you and that is the beginning and the end if it. No apologies, no regrets. Stop feeling so bitter and miserable about yourself. Do yourself a favour and feel and think positive.
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reader, AngelofLove +, writes (17 April 2011):
 You are suffering from low self esteem.If you were as ugly as you say you are, why would your boyfriend prefer you to other girls that you say are prettier than you.Definition of beauty if different for everybody. If everybody was blonde, blue eyes, the world would be so boring and men would get fed up looking at the same look!Models in magazines get touched up digitally to make them look perfect.Your hair can be fixed with a good stylist and hair ext. if you need want to.Your eye colour can be changed with contact lenses. But, MOST importantly:Your self worth can also be changed by shifting your thought to a more positive attitude about yourself.Self confidence can give you sex appeal.For the records, real men prefer real women for long term keeps not just stunners they nothing in common with.When you think and feel sexy, you become sexier.You are totally abusing yourself. Would you accept this abuse from other people. If not, why do you allow yourself to auto destroy your confidence.Never feel inferior to anybody. Looks do not define superiority to anyone!Looks fade but inner beauty never does, right now this is the type of beauty that you need to work on.I bet you thinking: I already know all this crap but none of this is helping me. Well, you are right, none of our advice can help you. Only YOU can help yourself by changing your thoughts about yourself.Sorry to hear that you were called ugly all your life, that has not helped the situation but was really damaged you was not your alleged uglyness but the abusive comments.People that said that are the ugly ones. Just because they said it, it does not make it true. It is only true if you believe it and you allow it be become true. Take control of your life by changing your preception of what beautiful or not. Let go of the past, it is gone. Live and create your Present.Besides worring about your beauty only gives you wrinkles and that is a problem you do not want to have to early.Start by concentrating on what you like about yourself. I bet other pretty girls look at you and think: "I wish I had a body like that" You do not know this, because people do not tell you, unfortunately, there are a lot mean things said about everybody, not enough good things.Don't become a resentful person but hating pretty girls. Instead embracing being a beautiful being.Also you ask any pretty girl if they are happy with themselves, there is is also something they do not like if even they do not admit it in public.It is not the pretty girls fault, not by their doing that you feel this way, it is your responsibility to solve. Which you can work on starting today. Write an apology letter to yourself and then right a separate list on all the things you are grateful for in your life or about you.As trivial as it may seem like having 2 legs, 2 arms, it is a luxury not everyone has in this world. Put this list in every room of your house to subconsciously remind you that you have more in your life that you give yourself credit for.Hey I could go on and on but you need to take the first step to become sexy:Learn to love yourself as you are.here is a link for videos you may find interestinghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVTUFwV5LsEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLZxJZ70MQ4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3NgzQ9PcsgLove and Peace
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reader, ayeshakane  +, writes (17 April 2011):
hey...well being pretty is not everything....me i m pretty enough for every guy to look at me..i have a really nice body n face..but i m still not happy..i cry every night.u should be happy that u have a faithful boyfriend.. whose with you coz he loves you for who you are and not what you want to be....for me its sooo hard to find a guy who actually loves me for who im and not for my appearance...its a sure thing that you boyfriend loves you for who you are because if he didn't he wouldn't have been with you at the first place...even after all this you still dont feel good than i suggest try losing a bit more weight u boobs will look bigger....and try pouting makeup on everyday.....hope it helps ..xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): If you can;t find it in you to like yourself, how can you possibly expect anyone else to?
Flynn 24
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reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 You haven't convinced me that you really believe that you have "all those good 'inside' things"! For someone to dislike themselves this much, I believe that professional help is needed. And no, not from a cosmetic surgeon, but from a psychologist! No amount of surgery will ever make you like yourself. Keep your boyfriend for now, see someone about you thinking patterns, then see what happens. All the best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): Honey, most people would consider me naturally beautiful and I've been called beautiful my whole life. But believe me, it doesn't change the way I feel inside..ugly. No matter how many people may tell me, I will still think I'm not beautiful enough. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is (and I know it sounds cliche) but it DOESN'T matter what you look like on the outside, it is how you feel on the inside. You can do what these other answers say and get all kinds of surgery, but it will not change the way you feel. Beauty will always be an inner thing, no matter what society says (It's just based on money and selling you crap anyways). If you believe and feel you are beautiful, you will project a confidence that will make people think you are beautiful too, I promise. And you ARE lucky that your bf sees you for you, that is priceless. I wish I had that. No matter how "hot" I am, I always get cheated on, my bf's always look at other girls, my current bf is developing a porno addiction. Looks may be what attract men, but personality is what keeps them. And in the end we all get old and wrinkly anyways. Be proud that you are who you are on the inside, nothing can touch that. And know that most pretty girls wish they had what you had. Substance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): your boyfriend loves you for who you are. you should be happy! and most women are not happy with the way they look. dont get surgery or anything you dont need to. my advice is stay the way you are as obv your bf likes you for that. I have the same problem as you but i wouldnt change for no one. you need to try to be less paranoid and dont care about what others look like :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): Two words.....cosmetic surgery.
Millions of people the world over are having surgery to repair or enhance things they dont like about themselves. So there is a way to change how you look if that is what you really, really want. If you dont want to go down that route because 'you shouldnt have to' or 'you arent going to change for others' then you arent as unhappy with yourself as the millions of others who opt for surgery. It is extreme but its a certain way of improving on what you have if you are really unhappy with yourself.
If you dont want to go down that route then try a makeover. If you have strong features, try a course in make up, learn how to tone down things you arent happy with and enhance the features you do like about yourself. Go for a radical new hair cut and colour. Something that suits the shape of your face. Change you fashion sense. Have some fun experimenting, dont be shy because you have nothing to lose, right? I know someone whos six feet tall and very large. She has purple hair, wears anything she likes and has just had another tattoo. This one is the length of her back and its a picture of a ship!! She really doesnt care what anyone thinks of her, shes having fun! And guess what. Guys love and flock to her. They find her very sexy. Not because shes traditionally beautiful because she isnt. But because she has an appetite for life, shes fun, exciting to be around, oozes sex appeal and shes uber confident. Guys find her very sexy indeed. You might not be beautiful but you can be stunning. Its up to you too. Its up to you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): if it bothers you that bad, save up and have surgery. get a boob job. get work done. or at least get a professional makeover.
but more than that, i would suggest counseling. that way you change the way you think about yourself rather than actually changing yourself physically.
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