A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I know his last relationship before me was like three or four years ago. Anyway I found out last year he had a list of phone numbers of escorts in the area. I freak out but didn't confront him. Asked him later and he said he ask for someone else. But today I found out again he wrote some numbers of escorts on an old note book. I know if he has really visited one it is before our relationship. He definetly didn't go out a lot or even rarely after he met me. And the way we first had sex I just felt he really didn't have sex for a while before our relationship. There are some other problems in the relationship. And finding the numbers makes me feeling like something is dying in my heart. I love him so much. I really want to just believe that nothing happened before he met me. You can call me silly, but I believe he never visited one after he met me. It is the past I am concerned. Or I should just not dig into the past, because I want to be with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replys. Honestly, there were problems in our relationship before I found out the phone numbers. I know I shouldn't look at just the outside but to look inside my heart. If he has the numbers doen't exactly mean he visited one and if a guy that really visit those places may never leave any evidence.
There are problems in our relationship that I feel it is almost impossible to change. I think I should see the full picture of the relationship and not just this one issue. Thanks.
A
male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (17 April 2011):
You know what the deal is. You're going to have to dig a little more and find what the deal is. You should not grudge him for what he did before he met you but come on, who is he kidding? Are you kidding yourself? You can't put your blinders on and ignore this because then you are not being true to yourself. That's the worst thing you can do. Search your feelings; you know something is amiss here and you need to get to the bottom of it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): It doesn't really seem like you are ready to acknowledge the truth. This isn't the past, it's in his present or he wouldn't be writing down those numbers still! It's evident you don't trust the guy and you shouldn't and yes, relationships can last without trust but they are nerve wracking and make you miserable. This man has secretive behaviours and a hidden life he is protecting. I believe you have a lot of heartache ahead of you. Most wouldn't sign up for this kind of pain but your writing projects heavy denial and I hope it doesn't take an infection or disease for you to snap to.
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Broadly speaking, I agree with Anon here. His past is his past and ultimately should not be a deal breaker. We all travel rocky roads and make wrong choices and I think its wrong for perpetual judgement to be encouraged. The real issue here isnt this since you said your convinced nothing has happened while you have been together, and taking that at face value, it shouldnt really cause the level of questioning it has (unless he had made claims that lead you to feel he 'wasnt that kind of guy' and are therefore are now questioning his character) is it seems to me that this has come ontop of other issues and brought things to a head in your own mind.Sadly, you dont say what they are. What is really needed is for you to stop focusing on this one issue and start to make an overall assessment of the relationship and its problems. It might help therefore if you outlined some of this here and maybe people could respond with further advice because I think to get the best advice you need to give us a fuller picture on this one.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 You can choose to ignore it and take the "ignorance is bliss" path.
Or, you can confront him and ask him about what all this is. If its a thing of the past, then its your decision. If you can accept it and get over it, great. In any case, its his past and you cant change it in any way. The only thing is, it shouldn't be happening now.
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