A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:I really need some help as im quite desperate.To cut a story short, I started liking a guy about 6 months ago and ever since its got even more and more deeper and stronger.I barely saw him and he never made the effort to speak to me if he did. One night we ended up having sex, becuase I gave in like the idiot I am. And i just want to get over him, hes gone back to being the same as before. I made up excuses for him perhaps being shy but I was kidding myself. I really need help to get over this whole falling for him. Ive never felt this way before about anyone and Im 20 years old, so its kind of scary to me.Its come to the point where I cant funtion properly, im down and stressed out and I cant relax at all. Unfortunatly he goes to the same gym as me so i cant seem to get away from him there either. Im sorry if this sounds really silly, but I cant stand feeling this way anymore. Im a University student and I need to concentrate on work, and filling my life with things that matter.Thank you everyone who answers .
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female
reader, Skeez +, writes (15 February 2011):
Skeez is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much everyone who has helped.
And to OhGetReal, I do have a big problem with anxiety, but I am not taking medication, and dont think I will.
I am getting over it, its not really a massive deal now i think about it but it did effect me in a bigger way than I thought it would have done.Im not a relationship person and freak out if anyone has feelings for me or if i start having them, so i obviously was a tad shocked and nervous how all the feelings started.
Im seeing people who matter and changing afew things in my life an i already feel a bit better,
so thank you evryone!
A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 You are going to be okay!
Yes, it will suck for a little while. But inevitably your heart will heal and you will see things more objectively.
From what you have said, your love for him must have been more of something you constructed in your own head, as opposed to what reality was showing.
And I say that because you mentioned that you have never felt that way about anyone before, but you really didn't know him. Right? You don't seem to have built a foundation of any kind of relationship with him, just occasional contact.
To legitimately have feelings for him that are stronger than anything you've ever felt you would have to have gotten to know what kind of person he really is, and then know that he is best for you.
He is obviously not too concerned with your wellbeing, and that clearly means he is not worth your love. You probably don't want to hear this, but you will still be hurt by what happened, and still have lingering feelings for him. But you will soon see things more clearly, and see that you deserve better. And then you will be open to meeting someone who has the same interest in you that you have for them. And how refreshing that will be!
Hope for the best!
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A
male
reader, nononsense +, writes (15 February 2011):
Skeez!!!!! Let it go!!! Quit that gym, find another one. You are 20 years old, educated, smart, and your whole life is ahead of you. Don't waste your time one second longer. This guy doesn't want you so no matter how much it hurts, LET IT GO, trust me, I went through this once. You will find someone better and you will laugh about this later. I did!
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Hi, I think your problem really has very little to do with this guy.
You mention that you are a University student, and you mention that you fell for this guy deeply without ever really talking to him and then you simply gave him sex one night thinking that would get you what you wanted a relationship.
I think you may have an anxiety disorder or problem. You are projecting these anxious feelings onto a person external to yourself and trying to control him through sex in order to get rid of your anxiety. But it is not working, in fact it made things worse.
There really is no basis in reality for your feelings for him, just because you feel something doesn't make it fact and that can be very confusing.
I am sympathetic to how you feel and I understand you are in real pain, I am not trivializing you here, but want you to calm down and realize what is really happening here.
When ever we get obsessed with love towards another person, especially when it is not a reciprocal love, it always means we are trying to distract ourselves from focusing on ourselves and what is really at the root of our emotional struggle.
If I were you I would make an appointment with your doctor first and tell them about your intrusive obsessive thoughts and feelings of depression, because that is what is going on with you. Sometimes when we are under stress for a long period of time, our brain chemistry gets out of wack due to the stress hormone cortisol which lowers seratonin in our brains that regulate our moods and anxiety levels, and our brains can't keep up the normal production of this brain chemical. The result is anxiety and depression and we attribute this externally to events in our lives or people. Anti depressants taken for a period of time can get us out of this depressive cycle.
Then you need to learn ways to deal with your stress so it doesn't build up on you, excercise is a great way to do that even if it's just taking a long walk or a run outside. Diet, meditation, relaxation techniques. If you feel there is something really bothering you that you need help with then get some talk therapy at your Universtiy Medical Center, find a therapist. This is not a sign of weakness, but of strength that you recognize that you need help to feel better.
As far as the guy, try not to focus on him, so what you made a mistake, it happens. He has NOTHING to do with your future happiness, so put your energy and focus squarely on YOU
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 First of you are not being silly at all, so dont put yourself down, when you fall for someone and things dont work out it hurts alot and no matter what age you are the pain is not different.
You need to open up to someone who is close to you, one of your parents or better still one of your best friends. Talking about things really helps in these circumstances.
Ok so you need to get over him that the whole point here. So in order to do that first off you need to accept that he only ever saw it as sex and he used you for that. You need to accept that he is not interested in anything more and therefore you need to move on. Is that harsh you ask? Yes it really is but the truth does hurt.
So once you have accepted that he doesnt want to be with you, you need to distract yourself so that you dont spend every moment thinking about it. You need to keep yourself really busy. Go out and enjoy yourself and just stick your head in to your studies. Put your focuses on to other things. Try and spend as much time with your friends they will take your mind of things. But most importantly give yourself time. Time is a great healer.
Hope this helps a little bit darling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Hmm, I don't really know where to begin because feelings are hard to handle. First of all, don't hate yourself. Feelings are good, but it only gets dangerous when they seem out of control like right now. Secondly, you need to identify why you like him. Make a list of what you like him and make a list of what you don't like about him. Dissimilar creates more dislikes than similarity create liking. Perhaps your feelings for him may slowly go away. I'm not too sure, but you can try. There are no steps to how to overcome feelings because everyone functions differently. Only the best way works for you.
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