A
female
age
36-40,
*cruz
writes:I am Cuban and I am dark skin and I like to think that Im exotic with my foreign tongue and look. But all my life I have had people be mean and criticize me for who I am. The media in America portrays majority of the people being beautiful as white people or light skin black people or hey curvacious latinas who are also LIGHT!People always thinks that if Im Cuban then I should be light skin with light eyes and just things that are the quite opposite of me. I learned very young of this when I was young that people paid favor to the lighter skin people. They always thought that they were prettier. So what when I was younger I always lied to people over the phone about who I was bc I felt that I would never be accepted as the real me and I wasnt arong at all because 95% of the guys I talked to said they prefer light skin girls or mixed. And when I did tell them the truth about who I was they got disinterested when we met and ashamed to be seen in public with me. Or even to the point they would say that I dont look Cuban. Where in Cuba there's a BIG BIG BIG population of black latinos like ME and not just in Cuba but all over Latin America!! It went to the point where I hated my skin color with a passion because I believed that no one would want a dark skin girl. How can I get over my insecurity of my color when society portrays beauty as the exact opposite me. How can I be me and not care of what people think? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dark Inspiration +, writes (14 October 2010):
Dear GCruz,
I too am stereotyped in my skin of having porcelain and beautiful light complexion considering Im Asian; Burmese to be more specific. But people stop to notice my skin is darker than the average skin color of my race. I also get discouraged too when they spew out words or confuse me with another. I make sure I stand high and proud that I'm Asian. And that no simple thoughts can ruin my day. I actually am happy that atleast I'm not diagnosed with a disease or disabled. So that lessens my sorrow against myself.
Though, I may occasionally slip up and look in the mirror, seeing an ugly creature wishing to be noticed, but you know what? NOBODYS PERFECT! and I'm not saying that in a commonly used way, it's the truth!
I say be proud of yourself. EMBRACE YOUR IMPERFECTIONS AND SAY " THIS MAKES ME, ME!"
There's noone that can take that away from you! Just use up all the time you're here on Earth because noone lives forever.
And I also want to say you probably are really beautiful, an appearance only you can claim(:
Remember! Give a smile, Exchange a laugh, & Taste the happiness!!!
Sincerely,
Dark Inspiration
A
female
reader, leahsodyssey +, writes (25 July 2010):
Personnally I find dark skin beautiful, inspite of the fact I am very light.Your crossing a problem of our culture which I have faced for different reasons, I am light, but not tall, blond, skinny, etc. Our culture places more value on humans who fit this look.Don't seek men, just be active in life and someone somewhere will come along who sees your inner beauty as well as your outer beauty. He may not be dark, he may be very light. You may find a thousand men who seek only what they find to be outer beauty, but all you need is one good man to see all your beauty.I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, gcruz +, writes (3 March 2010):
gcruz is verified as being by the original poster of the question All of you have really shed a light on EVERYTHING. For me.. I thought that maybe I was crazy to feel the way I did but with you guys words I feel inspired to just try to be myself and ignore what people in america think is beautiful you all have really really really made me feel better about who I am despite what I have experienced
Thank u from the bottom of my heart
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A
female
reader, nessabarela505 +, writes (3 March 2010):
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!n I know exactly what you mean I once went out with a cuban of dark complexion god he was beautiful!!!! I love that dark rich color it's just so yumm nummy tasting. You shouldn't worry about what the media puts out there and what it says I bet your very pretty and that to the side a very humane person. One day you'll find that man and I bet he gunna be droooling for you. Btw the reason we broke up was he had to go take care of his dad in arizona we talked for a minute but after we just stopped communicating but to be honest I was falling for the guy... *sigh* lol! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Aww honey! That's only in America! The rest of the world has evolved! I only became aware of my dark skin when I lived in America. I noticed that a lot of black guys (not all) prefer to date light skinned women. But there is this thinking in other races too. Among whites the blonde haired blue eyed girl is favored by some men too while the dark haired brown eyed girls are wondering just as you are, why they are sometimes discriminated. There is a whole other world out there darling. Try dating sites like afroromance.com, afrointroductions.com, carribeancupid.com where you will meet men who adore your black skin. I met my Swedish boyfriend online and he is fantastic. I had over 100 replies to my profile from mostly white Americans, Canadians and Europeans (Germans/Dutch/British/Danish/Swedish) very few black guys. Don't worry about your color; in many countries it is a huge asset and you will be pursued because of it. When I travel to my boyfriend's country, despite me not being particularly fantastic to look at, I get constantly hit on even with my boyfriend right there, a goodlooking guy will just try slip me his number or they will approach me in the gym or grocery store. I remember once being followed in Italy from shop to shop and then the guy finally approaching and saying he just wanted to tell me I'm the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and then him leaving after that declaration. Ofcourse most are just curious so don't fall for it, but its a confidence boost to know that your race is not a curse but a blessing sometimes. So get out more. Date outside your race if you are open to it. I love all men, black included but if they make you feel bad about yourself then look elsewhere. So groom yourself, put a smile on your face and have a positive attitude and the world is yours!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): I guess that criticism differs from where you come from. Where I'm from, the whiter a person is the more they're labelled because they don't have a tan or they aren't dark enough. I've seen people that can't even achieve a tan, they just burn over and over until they stop going out in the sun, and they lose. So don't feel bad, because if you lived here you'd be complimented all the time, for your skin color. Everyone is beautiful and uniquely different.
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (3 March 2010):
 You are correct that a womans beauty is measured by the stick thin white models seen in todays fashion industry. It is unrealistic to use these women as a standard for beauty. Do not compare yourself with other women. Women of all races and color are beautiful. If you have not met someone who thinks you are beautiful then you haven't met the right person for you. Beauty is more than an outward appearence. The fashion industry and advertising sales are at the forefront of this misconception of beauty. However, please consider the following models; Ajuma, Alek Wek, Yasmin Warsame, Tomiko Fraser, Kiara Kabukuru, Roshumba,Rachael Williams and Latoya Peterson, all dark skinned and considered beautiful. While the old stereotype of light skinned is perceived better than dark skinned is not going away anytime soon, it is important to be confident in the skin that you are in. You must first see yourself as beautiful.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Being you and not caring what people think. Many if not most of us Latin Americans (yo soy mexicano, chico) are not white, and we accept ourselves as we are. Do the same. There's no other way to put it, sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): I am a Jew, so I can understand what it's like to come under scrutiny. My advise to you is to be proud of your skin color. You are what you are. The media says many things. But it shouldn't discriminate. It is important to hold yourself in high esteem.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Well honey, first off, don't try to lie anymore about who you are...and believe me, there are plenty of men out there who ADORE dark-skinned women. One of my best friends is a blond, blue-eyed guy who constantly dates dark women. That's how we met actually, he was trying to ask out a friend I had who was from Africa hehe. But, you know, location has a lot to do with your problem. Metropolitan places are more open to different races...Miami, Los Angeles, New York city etc etc. Ignore "society." I know it's easier said than done but practice it enough and you'll see. Really look at yourself, and be honest. There's beauty in your dark skin. Don't believe me? Check out sites like afroromance.com-a site dedicated to interracial dating. Flip through Ebony and Jet, see how many dark-skinned beauties are in their pages. Italy made a version of "Vogue" that only featured black women....think about that.
Yes, there are people out there who still live in olden days, shrug 'em off. It's their loss. Focus on what you think. Every time I had a problem with my image, I would practice telling myself that I was smart, beautiful in a unique way, and soon, I started to really believe it-and still do. I had to confidence at first, but you know what? People responded to that more than when I simply dragged myself around in low self esteem. Fake it till you feel it. Just please, don't buy into the market of "skin lighteners" and such, you're letting false ideas win if you do.
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A
female
reader, CherryBoom  +, writes (3 March 2010):
hey gcruz :)
i read your post and most say that i don't like the thought that you dislike your skin just because of the american media.
yes, you are exotic and i believe you should feel comfortable and be able to love yourself regardless whether you are dark-skinned or not.
what you are going through is what i call a 'head thing'.
it may not sound easy but what you need to do is to work on your self-esteem. if guys don't want to date you because of your dark skin than that is their loss and not yours. why would you want to date shallow ppl anyways?!
do not let the media thing get to you that much. don't be afraid to be and show who you are.
embrace yourself and do not take it serious because you will be doing no good to yourself if you take the whole skin thing serious.
look on the bright side at least you don't get any sunburns? :))
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): There's no magic way to be comfortable with yourself. Just do it.
There are people out there who are like what you described. But there are also people out there who realize that true beauty lies within. I personally believe it's a mixture of both.
Of course there has to be some attraction but on a scale of 1 to 10 I would rather have a 7 who treats me good; than a 10 who treats me like crap.
Dont worry, you are young. Most people you encounter have this sort of mindset but trust me. As you grow older an mature the sort of guys you want to have like you will think like a mature adult does. Hang in there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Come on , kelly rowland, Gabrielle Union are dark and beautiful !
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