A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a serious relationship for the past 2 and a half years with my Algerian boyfriend except for the last 8 months I’ve been living with my mother in a different country . Of course things haven’t been going too well for us since we’ve been apart and I went out one night and had a one night stand with a Moroccan friend of mine whom I’ve known for years. Now I’m pregnant and know for sure the baby is the Moroccans. I visit my boyfriend every couple of weeks so could I pass it off as being his as they are the same colour but could I get away with it? I know it’s wrong but I cannot come clean to my boyfriend, not only because I don’t want to admit cheating but also for both of our safety as I’m not sure how he would react. Please don’t judge me, I know it’s wrong but I made a drunken mistake.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments, i know what im thinking of doig us wrong but i just needed to let it all out x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): In a few years DNA tests will be as cheap and easy as preg tests. Think before you do this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I will make this simple.
Passing off another man's child as your boyfriend's is the worst thing you could ever do to your boyfriend in your entire lifetime. There is no possible worse betrayal to a man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): you are in a very tough position. Anf you are the girl who needs the most support.But will either of these guys support you?Or will either or both of these guys react by getting angry that you are the problem for getting pregnant? I really really feel for your predicament. Two and a half years and your Algerian guy has not instigated arrangements to marry you? And your Algerian guy has had all the benefits of a wife without him having to step up to the plate to be a husband. If the Algerian guy discovers the truth then his anger my spill over and he may be very angry. With you. With the Moroccan guy.you have known the Moroccan guy for years, and you knew you were in a relationship with your Algerian guy, but you still allowed a one night stand. The Moroccan guy is unlikely to feel much responsibility for you and may refuse to accept he is the father.This is not a good sign.And the Long term neither your Moroccan friend nor your Algerian friend are likely to be with you long term.Your baby may be yours to bring up, alone. And due to the culture it is likely this pregnancy will reduce your chances to legally marryBut guess what?In fact not the the aristocracy and royalty have been passing of a child as being fathered by a man, when a different man is the father.They have done this successfuly for so long, as it worksIs there much chance that the Moroccan man and the Algerian man might meet? And share stories?due to possible volatile tempers it is also likely that your Algerian man will display anger when what you need is support.In anycase I would not be surprised if your Algerian man has found opportunities to sample other females where he is currently lives. You are not a naive teen. This may be your best chance to have a baby and bring up a baby. A baby who will give you great joy. But as you are aged 26-29 and still not married, then once you are obviously pregnant and unmarried, then the chances to marry may be slip away fast. Your position is vulnerable. You need financial and emotional support.Which ever guy has the best likelihood of supporting you and be a good father and is the kinder of the two is likely to turn out the best father. It is your choice.But do not be surprised if both guys walk away at some time in the future.This is also likely to put extra pressure on your mother so please be very very nice and respectful to your mother.If you live in a strict community where you will be villified for being an unmarried pregnant woman and if neither man will suport you then get out of that strict community and into a less judgemental community.
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female
reader, almc  +, writes (7 March 2011):
You can do anything, but a lie to live with forever, will drive you nuts!!! But one thing is, that the child might grow up to hate you.... My mother did the same thing to me, I found out when I was 15, and I haven't talked to her since....( I'm 22 now, she did some other bad things to me too, that help me not talk to her) but I hate her for lieing to me for 15 years... Kills me, I don't care to know the guy that made me, because I have a great father. Its just wrong to lie to them... Tell the truth, maybe he will forgive you. But its in your hands. Good luck.
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (7 March 2011):
Do you think it's fair to lie to your baby for its entire life?
You have to weigh up what's more important to you, lieing to your bf and your baby for the rest of their lives and making sure your bf doesn't find out, or allowing your baby to know who its father is.
What do you think your bf will do if he were to find out that the baby was not his? What is it that you're scared of.
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 "can" and "should" are completely different things. I would think that at some point, when you see his pride in this child that's not his, or when he sees the baby looks nothing like him, you're going to want to come clean out of guilt. I don't know, haven't you done enough deceiving to this man, don't make him live his ENTIRE life a lie, 2 years is enough.if you're scared what he will do, do you think that fear can or SHOULD drive this lie further, for the rest of your life? Not a good environment to bring up a child. if you're still scared about his reaction, tell him in a public place, or maybe with family/friend there to support you or him
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female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 You may be able to get away with it for awhile but what if your boyfriend takes the child to the doctors one day and sees his blood type in his file? What if the child has health problems or needs an operation or a blood transfusion one day? Do you really want to take the chance that the lies you tell now could kill your baby in the future? There are a thousand ways that your boyfriend could find out the truth at any point in time. And then where would you be?Trust me is isn't worth it. One you go down that road you will never be able to take it back. You will always be worried about being found out, always looking over your shoulder. How long do you really think you could keep that up without losing your sanity or destroying the relationship? For a lifetime? I doubt it...It would be better for you to have an abortion or give the baby up then for you to try to live a lie. No one wins that way. Especially your baby. If you do decide to have the baby, then tell your boyfriend about your mistake and do it long distance while your still in another country. That will give him time to cool off and for you to get a sense of how bad his reaction is going to be. I don't think it would be smart for you to go to see him and tell him there away from the help and protection of your family. If he decides to forgive you AND is willing to raise your child as his own then you can ask him to come to your mothers to see you until after the baby is born.Tell him the doctor doesn't want you to travel outside of the country until after the delivery. Many good men have decided to accept another man's child then lose the woman they love. But you both have to be very sure that he will never change his mind or hold it against you later if he wants to have a future with you.From now on you need to think about what is best for the child, before yourself.Last but not least the babies biological father deserves to know that he fathered a child with you, whether you want him to be part of the babies life or pay support or not.I know you are scared but you can't build a home on a pack of lies. Do the right thing and let the chips fall where they may. You're better off knowing how he feels now than 10 years and 3 kids later.
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Uh-oh. Everyone makes mistakes. This is a rather large, rather guilt ridden mistake you have made, but you already seem to understand that it was wrong and don't need to be lectured.Ok, so it's sounding like you've already decided to keep the baby. Moving on from that point, have you talked to your friend about this? Does he know the baby is his? How do you feel about this friend? How does he feel about you?Back to your boyfriend, if you are to pass the baby off as his, then you need to figure out how having a baby "with" this man will work out in the long run. Do you want to be with him forever? Does he want to be with you forever? Do you want to have a child with him? You said things haven't been going well. Is that because you two are ready to move on? The saying goes that a drunk person's actions are a sober person's thoughts. This doesn't necessarily mean that you want to be with your friend, although it might. What it does mean is that you should seriously examine your current relationship. You might find that you need to move on from it. Unfortunately, you aren't just thinking for you any more. You need to decide what is best for the baby as well. Talk to your mom. Consider the two men, as well as the option of adoption, and not choosing either man, becoming a single mom. You're in a very tight spot, and that calls for some very clear, honest thinking.The very, very best of luck to you
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reader, AlwaysHereToHelp! +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Hello :) Ohh i do feel for you so much. You really should of thought about it but we all make mistakes and this must be such a horrible situation to be in. But you must listen to me i know its hard and it must be frighting for you but you cannot pass this baby off as your boyfriends. It would make you feel worse as you would have to live for the rest of your like knowing that this childs farther wasnt really his farther at all. You have to come clean to your boyfriend just say that it was a drunken mistake and that you are sorry for what has happened hopefully he will be forgiveing but if he isnt you should understand. You need to tell your friend aswell that he is the dad. Its going to be tough but i beleive you can do it with enough will power but dont stress yourself out remember you need to take it easy now your are pregnant calm yourself and try and be relax as possible even if its hard. Please dont lie to your boyfriend you need to tell him i beleive you can do it ;) Hope it Helps ;)
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reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (7 March 2011):
You cannot pass it like that as if the baby or he finds out (but specially for the baby) it would be a tough blow. Im sorry to tell you this but in the long run it is better to tell the truth in your situation.[non-English portion of answer removed by mod].Good luck!
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female
reader, AlwaysHereToHelp! +, writes (7 March 2011):
Hello :) Ohh i do feel for you so much. You really should of thought about it but we all make mistakes and this must be such a horrible situation to be in.But you must listen to me i know its hard and it must be frightening for you, but you cannot pass this baby off as your boyfriends. It would make you feel worse as you would have to live for the rest of your like knowing that this childs father wasnt really his father at all. You have to come clean to your boyfriend just say that it was a drunken mistake and that you are sorry for what has happened hopefully he will be forgiving but if he isn't you should understand. You need to tell your friend as well that he is the dad.It's going to be tough but i beleive you can do it with enough will power but dont stress yourself out remember you need to take it easy now your are pregnant calm yourself and try and be relax as possible even if its hard.Please dont lie to your boyfriend you need to tell him i believe you can do it ;) Hope it Helps ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): It's not only your boyfriend's feelings you should consider, but also your future child's who really should know who his real father is. This sounds like the kind of lie that will eat you from the inside out if you try and keep it a secret.
If you are scared for your safety have you considered having an abortion? I've never been in your shoes, but if I were, this is probably the choice I would make.
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