A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why am i so jealous and insecure?Im 28 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. Hes a good man and will do anything for me and vice verca. Ive suffered from jealousy and insecurity now for many years, however i am better than i have ever been, but i cant help but feel im messed up in the head!!! I get jealous and insecure whenever i see women i know full well are airbrushed ect, celebs, nude women,sexy calenders, think you get my drift,just knowing my boyfriends seen them cripples me, and i become distant, pictures are so suggestive!!!! Ifind it hard to discuss, and people call me stunning, even had people think im a model!!! but this changes nothing, i cry sometimes too, how can you feel sexy next to these women? i really struggle sometimes, and its rare i feel happy, im always downand know somethings around the corner.What can i do? i should be greatful, he doesnt watch porn etc, but ive even stopped going to the cinema because its fullof sexy women,and goingtodvd stores because every other dvd has half nakedgirls etc!!! whats wrong with me?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 July 2007):
 I have the feeling you're very much insecure about your relationship with your boyfriend. Apparently it's not about anything he's done.
I think you need to be aware of two things:
1) None of us is perfect, physically or otherwise. However, that's not a reason not to enjoy life.
2) Love (or relationships) do not depend on looks only. When they do, they aren't worth. If you've been with your boyfriend for seven years, I bet he's with you for reasons that don't have anything to do with your looks. If you had a bad temper, for example, you'd be alone no matter your beauty. So he's with you for who you are. And this is far, far better than anything he might see on a DVD or a screen.
If you focus on loving him, you won't lose him.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, LynstHolin  +, writes (15 July 2007):
The answer below is one I completely agree with! It does sound like depression.
I struggled with body image issues and depression myself. Things that have helped:
*Getting rid of all my mirrors except one, and only looking into it when absolutely necessary.
*Strength training--concentrating on the strength and health of my body distracts me from obsessing over how it looks. Also, exercise is one of the best anti-depressants around.
*Laughter! Stand-up routines, being silly with your friends, funny animal vids on Youtube--laughter is good for you, physically and mentally.
Of course, you should still seek medical help. (And a nice cuddle from the boyfriend--it will cause the release of oxytocin in your brain, which gives you warm fuzzy, happy feelings)
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (15 July 2007):
 hey there it sounds to me like you may have either mild depression or self esteem issues. i would advise you to see a counsellor to get help with this issue. as for all those women that you feel inadequate to, they ARE airbrushed, they probably arent as happy as they should be cos their image is scrutinized. you are so lucky to have those model looks! reassure yourself that some ppl have thought that you are one of those women and others probably feel towards you the same as you feel towards these other women. the way i look at it is that i appreciate all those women and their beauty but i dont envy them! try and look on the bright side, your bf loves you alot, your a naturally beautiful girl that doesnt have to put half as much work into your appearance as these others. and do try to get some help to address this problem. if you wanna email me and talk further feel free!! stay happy babe, your gorgeous already! xxx
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A
female
reader, kristinakutie +, writes (15 July 2007):
 maybe the other guy is right, maybe its depression.. or maybe its just that when it comes to your man, you dont want to share or have him seeing all these other women.. and thats perfectly ok.. trust me, i know how that can feel. but what you have to do is just think about this: he could have any other woman that he wants, but guess what.. he has you, and he obviously loves you. and thats good that you can trust him, becuase there arent very many you can always trust. take it from me, love your bf, and dont worry about those other girls, hes with you.. and you've got him, so shove it in all those all womens faces =] hope that helped you a bit..
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (15 July 2007):
 I have some major trust issues, but it doesn't lead me into a depressive state like you are describing. It doesn't sound like a trust issue either, since you seem to have no reason not to trust. It sounds like may be suffering from depression. Don't automatically go to negative right now. What you need to do, if you want to feel better is force yourself to go see a good psychologist. Most medical plans cover this. I have seen people that suffer from depression, and I mean suffer, it's not fun to be on the giving or receiving side. Good luck.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_%28mood%29
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A
female
reader, bal +, writes (15 July 2007):
That's ok dear, we all have our insecurities from time to time....the trick is to focus on the good things you have in life, I mean you have been with your partner for 7 years that states alot.... It puts forward that you and him are committed and are meant to be together, take a deep breathe and stop having such high expectations of yourself,I mean come on your comparing yourself to 'air brushed' models, I mean come on, their not even perfect!!! So why are you putting soo much pressure on yourself?
Live for the moment, it helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): You shouldn't feel bad about yourself, there will always be women who are prettier, curvier, taller, more intelligent and successful. As there will always be women who are less attractive, overweight, flat chested and shorter than us. It's just what life is all about, and as we get older we may even feel jealous because people are younger than us, we all have to live with this and men have their hang ups too. What is more important is our personality and the successful relationships we form with our family, friends and our lover/s. You must have an underlying issue with your self esteem, has anyone at some point in your life made you feel unattractive and worthless? Maybe you should seek some counselling because if you feel this way now it will only affect your relationships with other people in the future and your confidence. Have you ever thought of having a professional makeover and airbrushed pictures taken of yourself? Then you could hang them up on your wall, give a few to your boyfriend. Then you will be able to look at yourself at your very best and hopefully boost your own self esteem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Hey girl you need to stop trippin. Theres no way in hell that you can compete with those air brushed images as they are NOT real. You are the real deal though and if your bf has been with you for 7 years then he is obviously happy with what you've got to give.
You need to develop a bit more confidence in yourself. Treat yourself every so often - go get your hair done, a facial a manicure. Splash out on a new top, pair of sheos. Doing these little things will bring a little happiness to yourself and hopefully your partner will notice and compliment you too!
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