A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneI would just like to ask for several minutes of your time to ask for your opinion on the folllowing.It MAY affect women more than men (as already confirmed.How do you all feel about your partner (male/or female, again it may affect women more) about reading sexy magazines (eg fhm), newspapers (as here in uk we have several)?Does it not bother you in the slightest your partner checking out (which APPEAR to be perfect) women/men?Or does it bother you and why ?TV - does anybody feel insecure about it inside, movies? anything commercial?I would appreciate your view points, as i have a large amount of friends with this problem and its rapidly growing.I know we shouldnt be affected, however we are all human with individual feelings.Again i would appreciate your comments and feelings on this matter, and hear everyones different opinions.And what affects you and why.Thanks -x-
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Women just want to be themselves without having to measure up to Porn models or otherwise.
There is a site: http://www.shelleylubben.com/ which details how Porn is NOT glamorous. These women were abused in the most horrific ways. They got caught up in the glam of it all, probably coming from being abused as children to begin with and Porn seemed like the better option than being beaten without some sort of compensation.
Does anyone care? Women are being hurt. The Porn star women are hurt and so are the Wives, and girlfriends of men who insist on viewing porn. These women tell their man they are hurt and the men don’t care. Many women even say they like it, but if you listen carefully there is a “but” in there. They are just trying to be pleasing to their man. Relationships are being damaged…..relationships that would be great otherwise. Even beautiful women having a healthy self image falling down because her husband looks at porn. Do men realize how SICK to their stomach porn makes women feel? How much turmoil they go through thinking they are NOT good enough? Why would you do that to someone you love?
You hear constantly by men that it is natural for them. Is it also natural for them to hurt the woman they love? Then when another man shows interest in his wife he gets Furious! What goes around comes around.
I think women are tired of playing this game where they feel like they have to compete to models and porn stars, and many women porn stars are tired of being abused and competing against other porn stars. Women just want to be loved. So do men, but they tend confuse love with sex or reality. So do women but women are the oppressed and follow the lead of man. Unfortunately.
Sex between a woman and a man could be so loving and amazing if it weren’t for all the distractions and UNREALITY. I think because we have moved away from reality is the reason we are so unsatisfied. Men have unrealistic views of what real women look like or behave like sexually. Women try to compete with men’s images of women and in doing so lose themselves in the process. Also if you notice it is starting to change…….men are expected to look ALOT better then they naturally do now too….what is it called? Metrosexual?…….no hairy chests, no fuzzy eyebrows, no NOSE hairs…..pretty soon you MALES won’t be able to be yourself naturally either. Is this what you want? Cause you are perpetuating it. If women follow your lead, you won’t be able to leave your house without getting ready for 3 hours every morning either and SHOPPING will become men’s hobbies too and you will have to stop rediculing women for shopping so much or face being a hypocrite!
When does being HUMAN count anymore? Being Natural? Why are we all chasing IMAGES instead of the REAL DEAL?
Seems rediculous when you really sit down and think about it.
A
female
reader, BlueEyedAngel  +, writes (17 September 2007):
 Me and my husband watch porn together and it is a very big turn on , but if i wasnt home and he watched it that would be fine cause when he is gone and i feel the need to releive myself i do .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): It is difficult to express the feelings that I get when I know that my partner is looking at porn. I feel like I have to be ok with it because "all guys look at porn" and who am I to come and tell him what to do. But it really hurts and I feel like I'm not as stimulating as the girls in the pictures or movies or whatever. I get really upset because I think guys get most of their sexual education from porn and they think that porn is real life. Like anal sex or a guy orgasming in a girls mouth. I come across guys who don't know how to make love because all they know is what they've seen on websites. I do feel as though I've been cheated on when my boyfriend is getting his next session in with another girls face, another girls body.......I feel as though if you are in a relationship and that person claims to love you, then porn should be the last thing on his mind. I also think it is unfair to say that girls are just insecure because they are not comfortable with themselves when their partner is viewing porn. When did it become acceptable for porn to become the third party in the relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): The more I learn about porn addiction and sexual addiction and the eating disorders epidemic with teenage girls and the requests that men transfer to their real life girlfriends (anal sex), the more informed I am, the more I dislike everything about the media, especially porn.
I think this is reaching some kind of epidemic proportion, divorce courts are siting porn in 50% of seperations, this was unheard of 10 years ago. Eating disorders? New. The extent of promiscuity amongst teenagers, unbelievable. Girls having guys line up and take turns screwing them, men slipping rupies to girls and raping them when they are unconscious, unforgivable.
Yes the porn is affecting our society in a very negative way. Women who object aren't doing so because they are insecure, they are objecting because they have an emotional connection to sex that men apparently don't. They feel cheated on and betrayed. Women need to feel they are their mate's object of desire. Women who give this kind of loyalty to the men in their lives deserve to receive it in kind.........If couples are o.k. in sharing an interest in porn then let them, but if a woman objects to it , her opinion needs to be respected equally and not judged to be insecure. In the not so recent past it was o.k. to object to porn and people didn't ridicule you for your opinion and say there is something wrong with you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): My first boyfriend was into porn and being a teenager and him being 'my first real love'. I thought this was acceptable / normal. Well staying with him for two years made me ill, I ended up with an eating disorder and severe body image problems. Eight years on and I still have problems. If someone really loves you why do they have to look at such images? It really makes me sick! And if it is making you sick or bothered about the way you look then just get rid of him and find someone who loves you for who you really are! Sally.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): Hello,
I have been with my BF for about 2 n half years. I hate him looking at porn it hurts me so much. I feel he is comparing me to them and would llike me to be like them. He has loads of porn vids on his phone - which i imagin he wanks off to at work (he works on building sites). He buys the daily sport which makes me sick and hides porn mages from me. I asked him to talk to me about it perhaps then i mihgt be acle to accept it a little but when he hides it from me it kills me. I know he loves me and overall he a good bf but this problem gets me down so much and i am always checking the computer and looking for his porn mage to see who or what he has been looking at.
I know this is my problem but how do you really overcomes something like this when it's so deep inside you?
If anyone has any advice let me know.
Thanks
K
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): yes, the fact that my boyfriend looks at por.he does it when im sleeping.he doesnt tell me he does untill after i question him about it.i feel very uncomfortable that my boyfriend looks at porn.it makes me think that he finds me boring.and that he doesnt find me sexually attractive anymore. ive only been with my guy for a little over three months, and the fact that hes looking at porn makes me wonder why he is with me.my boyfriend d.p.r. is still affectionate towards me but i cant help thinking that when we make love if hes picturing a porn model instead of me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): I think porn is unpure and eww its horrible. Especially if you are married and you look at porn. The Bible says, "Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already commited adultery with her in his heart." And I think the whole playboy thing is horrible too. Women are not sex objects which some men think we are. I think you've gathered that I hate porn!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): i was going out with my boyfriend for a year. i knew he bought guys magazines, and although if someone asked would i prefer he didnt and i would say yes it really wasnt an issue. he had some problems with his performance. geting and most of the time mainting it. but i wasnt at all bothered as i loved him and made it clear that it didnt matter to me. further into the relationship he told me he had been unfaithful. The magazines became an issue after that, because I no longer felt the object of his desire. I felt that when he looked at these girls he preferred someone else to me. Him thinking about and looking at other people sexually really hurt me. Towards the end he often leered at other women when we where out together and encouraged me to do things in the bedroom I wasnt totally comfortable with. This made me feel very insecure and used. In the end when ithe berak up was inevitable, he confessed to me that he had an adiction to porn, and when he couldnt perform in the bedroom he would think of friends of mine. He also told he sometimes wished I had bigger breasts. Porn in a relationship is selfish and harmful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): When porning becomes his priority and he indulges while you are tending to the children in another room, when he indulges while you are taking the children to sport/school functions, when he indulges while you are tending to an ill child....something is very wrong. Masturbating to pornography can become compulsive and distroy relationships, I find that the people with insecurities are the ones that pretend that they are cool with their partner useing porn, the women that have self respect and dignity care that their partner prefers to wack off to pixils instead of them.
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female
reader, splendid_spiders +, writes (27 July 2007):
As long as porn isn't causing problems in my relationship, it doesn't bother me. As long as my man desires me over porn, I'm happy! I found a huge stash of porn in my man's side of the closet and it turned me on to know he's such a sexual person. And after watching some of his porn, I've discovered more moves to use in bed :) lol, I've also discovered where he's learned his moves! :) I also know he doesn't look at porn because he desires other women ... I know that if he looks at it, he's looking at the sex. Does that make sense? I guess I'm just a secure woman. I know that my man finds me hot ... he tells me all the time. Now, if he was ignoring me and putting porn before my needs, I'd be very upset! I've heard so many women complain of this and I feel so bad for them! I've also experienced this in previous relationships and its heart breaking! I can honestly say: if my man was putting porn before my needs, I would leave him in a heartbeat! There are plenty of men out there who prefer the real thing (like my baby!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): why should porn bother people.its those who watch that either benefit or are hurt so...? personally i cant really blame guyz who watch it coz for most of them its lonliness..and u have to believe me that if a guy has no pot stick his rod in when stuff is tight then he just has to wank off the demand. This can only be easily done we porn in full view..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): Yes I am bothered by porn, commercials, movies, magazines...so much of what is on the television, computer, magazines and in movies shows women that aren't very realistic compared to real people that are over the age of 20...I find it insulting that people haven't noticed all the sexual crimes increasing...that people haven't noticed the number of girls having eating disorders....maybe it's because everywhere people look their are more than perfect bodies of women....be it women's magazines or men's magazines they talk about sex and show extremely attractive women, with little clothes on...while men are shown usually completely covered....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Alright, I am only 16 and my boyfriend and I (he is of the same age)have been going out for 2 years. About 4 or 5 months ago, we were having a conversation online, and we were talking about what we hold important in our lives. The conversation went to the more sexual end of things, and he admitted to me that he looks at porn and whacks off to it. I am pretty accepting of all things, but porn is something that I am strongly against. I know, all things in moderation, and supposedly 'everyone does it,' but there are some serious repercussions to anyone looking at pornography. I am not trying to sound, mind you, prudish or strict-Catholic, which I am not, but while one might think that looking at porn is harmless--it's not, for the person involved and for their significant other. Especially for men, since they are easily visually stimulated, it changes their view of women; making them seek women that have looks that are usually unattainable (as most women on porn sites are airbrushed.) This can ruin future relationships. Not to mention it can also ruin trust within a relationship.
Going back to my story, he said he wouldn't do it anymore, but then he admitted to me again that he has. I don't know what to do because I love him so much, and I don't want to play the "mother-knows-best role." So thats my answer on whether porn bothers me.
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female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (15 July 2007):
 watchin porn is just a way to well, get hot and bothered and thenget rid of that hotness and bottheredness lol. im a woman but it only bothered me when i was 16 and did not make the difference between love and sex. now its cool i dont get jealous as i now it does serve its purposes for for me and any partners i may have.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): quite simply it bothers me (all of it) because i feel like that model of perfection whoever she might be at any one moment, be it jenna jameson or scarlett johansson, is the person my boyfriend really wants me to be and that i may seem boring and unattractive in comparsion. insecurity obviously. on the other hand i know that my insecurity is just that and unfounded as well; so the fact that i KNOW my boyfriend watches porn when i'm away for a week annoys me but i let it go because its my issue not his.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): I'm only 17, and I've been with my boyfriend 2 years.
And no I don't like him watching porn. He used to watch porn before we started going out. But he hasn't since he's been with me because I'm very insecure and I just don't want him to think I'm not attractive. Yes it's stupid and alot of people tell me they think I'm pretty etc.
He always tells me I'm beautiful and he's a great boyfriend. I'm just really happy that I've found someone who puts my feelings first. Some girls/women don't mind there boyfriends watching porn but I'm not one of them.
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (15 July 2007):
 i think thats its fine for you or your partner to look at stuff like that - but in moderation!!i know my bf has porn on his fone and laptop but that doesnt bother me in the slightest i suppose its cos i know he loves me and wants me!! i also think its ok for ppl to watch it together and i think its healthy! if ppl are uncomfortable with it then in my opinion it just means that they arent completely secure with their partner and just need to know that their partner is with them for a reason. to be honest, if i came across someone (esp a guy) who wasnt turned on by porn or pics etc, i would think that a bit strange!! but like i said in moderation....
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 July 2007):
 To look at things and admire whatever you feel is beautiful is fine. The things that turn me on are mine. They belong to no one else. As long as they are not harming anybody, it's my business. The only difference between pornography and non pornography is clothing. It's just taking things one step further. If I am checking out a lady walking down the street that I find attractive, is that wrong? If that same lady sends nude pictures of herself to a web site and I view them, is that not the same thing? I'm still attracted, she's just nude. EVERYTHING depends on what extreme we go to.
I would not care if my wife was turned on by porn. There is a BIG "but" though. As long as she makes me feel like I am the object of her desire, I'm happy. By doing this she validates my manliness as far as our sex lives go. If she didn't desire me and still showed interest in other guys, I'd be jealous and hurt. That would be based on the fact although she didn't show her desire for me, her desire did, in fact, still exist. That would make me feel like I couldn't get the job done or that she didn't value that part of me.
Commercials are on there own. People who market these things in the media are not stupid. They market what people strive to be or acquire. They do their homework on these issues. They often lead us down the garden path and encourage us to strive for things that are not that important or valuable. But, it is based on what we want, as humans, in general. Yes they paint the picture that thin is good and fat is bad. Money is everything. Look how many spam emails go around about Viagra and others coaxing men to purchase this so they can last longer in bed. What about products offering penis enlargement. These things appeal to our ideas about what is important in society. Because we're weak, many buy into it.
So if you fall for the ads and you're 15 pounds overweight, you'll feel bad next to the slim person. IF your penis is 5 inches and the ads says the average is 7, you might buy the product etc. If you feel bad about yourself, porn could make you feel worse. Not because your mate doesn't want you but because you've convinced yourself you don't measure up to the unrealistic "standards".
The problem is this. When people buy into the standards that are sold to us, it creates a false illusion. Porn might teach us that some people like really kinky sex. The person watching might think everybody is after that. It might also magnify problems in his bedroom, falsely telling him his wife "should" want these things too. After all , the people in the porn movie did it. Problems arise when people get carried away with anything. All things (almost) in moderation !!
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (15 July 2007):
 Hi bbe,
Well to be truthful with myself, im alrite wiv me & my partner watching porn (his work mates are always sendin vids etc) but it recently came apparant that he had videos on his phone and had tried to hide um n wen i saw a file called ' bumming !! ' i asked wot it was n he sed nufin tryin 2 hide it but thn i wasnt givin in so he shwoed it me.. the problem i had which upset me was that he didnt tell me he had it and he admitted to havin it for 2 days etc and that he even tried to hide it.. but other wise its ok.. i suppose,
I hope that helped =)
Mail me if you would like to talk x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Well, frankly, my boyfriend and I have an agreement: "loyalty, not blindness". As human beings- and highly artistic ones at that- neither of us can help but notice "beautiful people". I'm not perfect, and neither is he, but the bottom line is that we- for some reason- chose each other. I may see a good-looking guy on the street or in a magazine and go "ooh, shiny!", but that's nothing to be jealous of. Just like my guy blinks twice whenever he sees a woman in a tight miniskirt. ;P
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