A
female
age
30-35,
*issAttitude
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for over 3 and half years. i recently found out that he cheated on me in the first year we went out whilst out with friends. i felt really hurt by this and he didnt understand why as it was so long ago. but i feel like i cant trust him anymore and im finding myself checking his emails and phone, which i dont want to be doing. can anyone help, has it happened to anyone else? xx
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female
reader, MissAttitude +, writes (25 July 2007):
MissAttitude is verified as being by the original poster of the question quick update.. when this happened we were 16 and in high school, he went to a club with a friend and kissed another girl, the friend confirmed to me that what my boyfriend told me about what happened was the truth and that he hadnt twisted it to make it better. he sed after he admitted it that he hadnt told me straight away because we wernt as strong in trust as we are now, and thought we wouldnt handle it. which is true, i wouldnt. but now we are older and mature, i feel like he learnt his lesson and knows what will happen if he does it again. but i find comfort in reading emails and his phone because i find nothing but it gives me the chance to prepare myself each time i do incase i find something. i sound a bit crazy i know lol, but if it makes me feel better is it right? m sure he would do the same to me if it was the other way around.thank you all for replying, i really appreciate it x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): This relationship won't work. Trust is one very important element in a relationship, without it a relationship is in serious trouble and is bound to not work. If you don't trust him then i think that you shouldn't be together. Of course he shouldn't have cheated in the first place and i can't blame you for being worried that it'll happen again but if you have to keep checking his e-mails and phone then it shows that you just shouldn't be together. Dump him and move on.
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (25 July 2007):
 it's pretty silly to categorise people but I too suscribe to the view that once a cheater always a cheater.. But you have to allow for the possibility that he is good now and hoping to be with you and not wanting to do those mstakes again.. A good point for him would have been for him to have told you about his mistake.. was it him who told you or did you find out by accident?if i was in your shoes I would do what i've done to my ex of sorts... or something along those lines.. have a look at the question that i've asked on this site..you needen't go as far as i've gone or do the same thing.. just find out if he has it in his mindset to stray or not, anymore. devious or not clearly you\ve got to get your peace of mind back and your trust in him restored..
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 The decision is yours to make. Chances are that he will cheat again. If you care, then you will have to be aware of what he is doing to be able to spot it the next time. If you can't let it go in your heart, then I suggest moving on. Hard decisions. My fiance says to me that all men cheat. I don't agree, but I will agree that if someone (man or woman) is not getting their needs met at home(based upon their assessment), they will look elsewhere. Talk to him and ask him what he felt like he was not getting from you that made him need to look elsewhere. Tell him to be brutally honest. You have to be ready for his answer, and you can't argue with him. Listen to what he has to say and decide what is best for you given the information that he is willing to provide and your own assessment of how you feel about it. Decide what you are going to do and do it. Lifes too short to be unhappy.
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A
female
reader, rachy-baby-helps +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Yes, this has happened to me. I was with a guy for 10 months and found out that he cheated on me in the 2nd month. When i found out i was really hurt, but he explained why and I tried to forgive him because I loved him.If, as you say, it was in the 1st year, ten try to move on because it was a long time ago and he stuck with you. This means that he chose you over some stupid mistake. He probably chose not to tell you becaus he was scared of losing you.Tell him that you will give him just one last chance, but if he hurts you again then stand up for yourself and tell him that you had made an agreement but he has broken it so you cannot trust him and thigs won't work out between you.
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A
male
reader, Playgroundcops +, writes (25 July 2007):
Cheating is cheating. If he can convince you that "It was so long ago" What will be try next. The trust was violated and should be addressed accordingly. Follow your heart. If it says, dump him. Then do so and moove on. Don't allow him to downplay his actions.
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